Call It My Life
by SaraLyleth
Summary: It's been 3 years since Tommy left. Jude's moved on with a new boyfriend, a great career and a happy family life. But what happens when Tommy comes back? Jommy!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everybody!! Another story yeah!!!! I don't know why but this story has been stuck in my head now for weeks so I finally started typing it up and I really found I liked it. So I hope everybody else does too. I love reading reviews so please leave one. I take criticism as long as it's constructive. Enjoy!!**

**Disclaimor: I do not own Instant Star. Wish I did but maybe someday...**

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**Chapter 1**

I walked out of the airplane smiling politely at the flight attendant who was thanking everybody for choosing Northwest. The plane ride had taken forever and I was ready for some piece and quiet. I hadn't even made it to baggage when my cell phone starting playing "Dontcha" from the Pussycat Dolls; Sadie's ring tone.

"Hey Sadie," I said dodging around a stray toddler who was breaking away from his Dad or Mom.

"You're coming tonight right," she asked sounding distracted.

"My flight was fine, thank you for asking," I said smiling when I heard Sadie taking a deep breath on the other end of the phone.

"I'm sorry Jude," Sadie said sheepishly. "Rissa's being obnoxious today and my patience ran out by ten this morning. School needs to get back in session like now."

"She's only in preschool," I said confused.

"Ask any mother Jude, two hours three times a week is like taking a week long vacation in Hawaii," Sadie said making me laugh.

"Don't worry, tell Rissa Auntie Jude will be there in a couple hours," I said smiling as I pictured Sadie's baby girl Marissa. She was a mixture of Sadie and Kwest in the looks department but her attitude was all Sadie. Which was probably why Marissa was constantly driving Sadie nuts. Kwest rarely complained but he also had to handle Sadie so he was used to it.

"Thank God," Sadie said making me laugh. "You don't understand, her knowing you are coming will give me at least a half hour of peace."

"Anything to help," I said grabbing my suitcase from the baggage belt.

"So meeting with Darius huh?" Sadie said changing the subject.

"Yep," I said making my way out of the airport. I saw Darius's driver holding up a sign with my name on it. I smiled as he held open the door of the car and I climbed in sighing as I settled back, relaxing for the first time in what seemed like forever. "I think we're going to talk about my next album and any upcoming appearances. It should be quick and then I have to head home to shower and change."

"I feel like I haven't seen you in forever," Sadie said quietly.

"You saw me last week," I said watching the scenery pass by. The airport wasn't far from G Major so I knew I only had a couple minutes before we'd get there.

"I know," she said even more quietly. "I just need to talk to you…tonight."

"Well I'm up for a sisterly chat," I said gathering my stuff together when I saw G Major coming up. "But I just got to G Major and I want to get the meeting over with. I'll be there soon Sade's."

"Bye Jude," she said before hanging up.

I closed my phone as I climbed out of the car and smiled and thanked the driver before I headed into G Major. It hadn't changed much over the years. Darius liked it's location and had opened another G Major in New York City. Hence my business trip I had just gone on. Being G Major's first success, I had to sing at the opening but whereas everybody else flew home yesterday, I'd stayed for one more night.

Jake Ryan, my first serious relationship in a long time, had had a movie premiere and had requested my appearance. Normally I avoided the media like the plague but I didn't want to get another lecture on how to be a proper girlfriend to a movie star. I was sick of fighting and by going to the premiere I had put off any lectures for at least a couple weeks.

"Jude," Jamie said walking up to give me a huge hug. It had been weeks since I'd seen him. The first week he had been on vacation where he'd joined Patsy on the last week of her tour and the second week he had been in Los Angeles doing damage control on a G Major's number one pain in the ass Karma.

"How's life?" I asked pulling back still momentarily surprised to see him in a suit. Ever since G Major had hired him on for Liam's old job he'd become quite the professional.

"Finally made peace with that hotel," he said rolling his eyes. "How any Pop Princess can do that much damage to a hotel is beyond me?"

"At least you saw sun," I said making a face as I looked back outside. Winter had officially hit Toronto with lots of snow and freezing temperatures. It was my least favorite time of year. "Did you go to the beach?" Before Jamie could say anything, I added, "and even if you didn't, lie to me."

Jamie smiled. "Yes Jude, I went to the beach where I swam in the ocean, laid in the sun and drank tropical fruit drinks with the little umbrellas."

"I hate you," I said pretending to glare at him.

"You told me to lie," Jamie said laughing. "The truth is far less exciting, believe me."

"Oh I do," I said imagining him in the countless meetings he probably attended.

"Jude! Darius is waiting," Kwest called from across the room.

"Gotta go," I said giving him one last hug. "Call me, we'll plan a night out."

"Patsy's already planned a night out for all of us," he said heading towards his office.

I shook my head remembering the last time I had gone out with Patsy. It had involved lots of alcohol, a fight with a couple of biker chicks and me bailing her out of jail. I don't think she ever told Jamie about that one.

"How was your flight?" Kwest asked as I finally joined him.

"Crazy turbulence, screaming kids and lots of autographs," I said shuddering just thinking about my flight from hell.

"So…normal," he said grinning.

"Yep," I said as we walked into Darius's office.

"So the star finally returns," Darius said laying the magazine down that he had been looking at.

"It was one day," I retorted rolling my eyes.

"Is it true?" Darius asked smirking.

"Is what true?" I asked looking at Kwest to see if he had any clue what Darius was talking about but he was just as confused.

"Jude Harrison's in love!" Darius said holding up the magazine he had been looking at.

I closed my eyes when I saw the article he was talking about. It was a picture of Jake smiling down at me and I was just staring up at him. It was outside the premiere and at the time I had been pleading with him to take me back to my hotel. There had been no love in that picture on my part.

"You see, this is why I don't go to his premieres," I said crossing my arms over my chest.

"It's just an article Jude," Kwest said trying to calm me down.

"But I can usually avoid this nonsense," I sat still a bit peeved.

"As long as you are dating Jake Ryan, you'll have to put up with the press," Darius pointed out.

I stared at Darius trying to see what he thought about the situation but I could never tell if he was okay with me dating Jake. At the beginning he had seemed fine with it but lately he almost seemed like he wanted us to break up.

"I know," I finally said. Ever since the bad press from the pictures I had not posed for, I'd done my hardest to have only good press or no press. But now that Jake's career had really taken off, keeping out of the press was beginning to be a problem.

"I just wish they wouldn't print something without asking us if it's true," I said quieting when I realized they were both staring at me. "Okay, so I know that'll never happen but I can always hope."

"Moving on," Darius said throwing the magazine in the trash. "The opening was good. Big crowd, good song choices but I think it's time we start working on your fourth album."

"I agree," I said smiling. I hadn't been in the studio for over a year with the touring schedule Darius had had me on and I missed it. I had a ton of songs already written and I couldn't wait to get back in the studio to lay them down.

"But I was thinking we might make a couple changes," Darius said slowly looking between Kwest and me.

"Changes?" I asked confused.

"I'm thinking about bringing in an old producer," Darius said leaning back in his desk chair. "Your last CD was good but I want this one to surpass all the others."

"I'm sure it will," Kwest said leaning forward. I knew he had to be worried. He produced my last album. He had been a great producer, they'd had a great time making my third album.

"Kwest," Darius said not even acknowledging what Kwest had just said. "I'm putting you on Karma's new album. She's becoming a hellion to work with and she's fired her last two producers. I need somebody who is good at keeping peace to produce her."

"But what about me?" I asked after a moment of silence had gone by.

"Like I said," Darius said smiling confidently at me. "I want to bring in an old producer."

"Don't you mean a new producer," I said trying to think of who he was talking about. He'd brought on two producers in the last year but they weren't experienced enough to work on my albums. They could possibly co-produce but never take on my whole album.

"No, I mean an old producer," Darius said taking a deep breath. "I've taken Tom Quincy back on as my head producer. He's expressed some interest in producing your album so I told him I'd run the idea by you."

"Tommy…" I mouthed his name. I couldn't even put any sound behind it. I hadn't seen him in three years. Not since he'd abandoned me on our…first date….or whatever the hell it was suppose to be. He'd never called and after the sixth month of no answer to my phone calls or emails. I'd never said his name out loud again and nobody mentioned him to me. It was almost like we'd forgotten he'd ever worked here.

The next thing I remember is driving to my apartment where I showered and changed without even realizing what I was doing. I kept picturing Tommy's face the last time I'd seen him. He'd been distracted about something and even a little angry. He'd left me standing in a busy street while he went off to only God knows where.

But now he was coming back. I looked in the mirror, trying to figure out what exactly I was feeling about the situation. I knew I was angry, really angry. I was still hurt that he'd never called me to explain. But another part of me was excited. I couldn't wait to see him again, I mean, it was Tommy.

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I tried to smile when Sadie opened her door an hour later but I knew I failed miserably when she pulled me inside and led me straight to the living room. I could hear the rest of the family in the kitchen but I wasn't ready to talk to them yet. I needed a sisterly chat.

"Kwest told me," Sadie said before I could say anything. "So he's really coming back huh? I can't say I was expecting it, I never thought he'd come back."

"Me either," I admitted biting my lip.

"You okay?" Sadie asked softly when she heard our father coming down the hall.

"I don't know," I said standing up when Stuart walked into the room. "Hey Dad, where's Yvette?"

"She's admiring Rissa's pony collection," he said giving me a big hug. "I am suppose to send you to her room as soon as I see you."

"I've been summoned," I said smiling as I walked out of the room.

Walking through Sadie's house, our old house, always brought back so many memories. She'd changed it, made it more hers than my mom's. But she'd done a good job. I especially loved the stairway, it was decorated in pictures of Rissa and she always looked like an angel.

"Where's my favorite niece?" I asked peeking around my old bedroom doorway.

Marissa's room was every three year old's dream. Well, three year old princess anyway. It was pink, every shade imaginable. With a princess canopy and a mural on the wall of a enchanted castle with fairies and butterfly's flying around. She had a wall dedicated to her favorite thing in the whole world, My Little Pony's. She collected them and her newest craze was to get the ones that were no longer available. Hence the pony in my pocket.

"Auntie Jude!" she yelled knocking me over with the strength of her hug. I was laughing as I sat us both up.

"That's the best greeting I could have asked for," I said kissing her all over her face.

"What'd you bring me?" she asked smiling innocently.

"Bring you?" I asked pretending I was confused. "Now why would I bring you anything? I mean, it's not your birthday or a holiday. It's actually just a Thursday, there's nothing special about today is there Yvette?" I looked at my Stepmom who was actually a really amazing woman.

It took me awhile to warm up to her but with Sadie's help, I tolerated and quickly grew to like her. My dad married her two years ago and both Sadie and I couldn't be happier. She made him so happy and I couldn't have asked for a better Stepmom.

"I don't think so," she said playing along. "I think it's just any other Thursday."

"Please," Rissa said pouting.

"Oh no, not the puppy face!" I sang ticking her until she started laughing. "That's the smile I love and so does Starcatcher." I put the latest pony I'd found at a cool little shop in New York City. It was no longer available in regular retail so I knew the gift would be a hit.

"Starcatcher!!!" she screamed getting up and running over to her pony castle. She immediately started playing and forgot that either Yvette and I existed.

"So…" Yvette said patting beside her on Rissa's bed where she was sitting. I got up and made my way so I was sitting beside her. "Sadie told me that he's coming back."

"Yeah," I said softly. I'd ended up telling Yvette the whole Jude and Tommy story at the night of her bachelorette party. I was drunk of course so my emotions had been all over the place but she didn't pass judgment. All she'd said was 'he's a fool.' I think that's when I really realized she was like my second Mom; and since I have no clue where my real Mom is, having Yvette around is nice.

"I'm guessing you're scared," Yvette said running her hand down my hair.

"Scared?" I asked more to myself than to her. "You could say that. I'm angry, nervous and…"

"Happy," Yvette supplied the last word.

"Does that make me sick?" I asked sounding way to pitiful to my liking.

"No, it makes you human," Yvette said shaking her head. "He was a big part of your life for awhile. When he left the way he did, you never got closure. You just had to move on and now I think you'll finally get that closure."

"Hey, nobody waited for me for the girl talk," Sadie said pouting in the doorway. See, I told you Rissa took after her mother.

"Just barely," I said motioning her over.

"So we're talking about Tommy," Sadie said after she got comfortable.

"Not anymore," I said shaking my head. I didn't want to talk about him anymore. Soon enough I'd have to talk to him and until that happened, I wanted to remain Tommy free. At least out loud, in my head it was like a projector was running with only pictures of Tommy and our conversations.

"But-" Sadie said confused.

"You told me you needed to talk," I said remembering our phone conversation. "So spill."

"It's stupid," Sadie said rolling her eyes.

"That may be," I said laughing when she smacked my arm. "But I still want to know. I could use some stupid talk right now."

"I'm pregnant," Sadie said quietly smiling when I stared at her with my mouth hanging open. "Yvette, I do believe I've made her mute."

"I'm just shocked you'd think that was stupid!" I said smacking her this time. "You're having a-"

"Glass of water with dinner yes," Sadie said motioning her head towards Marissa.

"How can you think that's stupid?" I asked glaring at her.

"Here I am worrying about having another baby and you actually have a real life soap opera moment happening in your life," Sadie rambled on. "I mean, your first…whatever he was, is coming back. It's like a story line right out of One Live To Live."

"Why are you worrying about having another one?" I asked ignoring the rest of her ramblings.

"It's too soon," Sadie said sadly. "We wanted to wait a couple more years. I mean, I was just getting ready to go back to work part time and now I'm going to be sick all over again."

"Maybe you won't have morning sickness this time," Yvette said quietly patting her belly.

"Plus Kwest is going to be producing Karma now instead of you," she said beginning to pout a little again.

"True," I said thoughtfully. "He's going to be working crazy hours with her and be all grumpy because Karma is a pain in the ass. She's good at causing drama."

"Oh I'm not worried about her," Sadie said shaking her head. "I'll just go all hormonal on her ass. No court would convict me."

I laughed. "I would pay to see that."

"I'm just afraid he's going to be upset with the timing," Sadie said finally. "He's been talking about how much work it's going to be producing Karma and I just don't want to add another baby to his plate."

"He's going to be happy Sadie," I said smiling reassuringly. "He loves you and he adores Rissa. He's going to flip when he finds out. Remember how excited he was when you were pregnant with Rissa."

"Yeah," Sadie said smiling at the memory.

"Well then," I said giving her a hug. "No more worrying."

"I say we go join the gentlemen," Yvette said standing up. Sadie led the way with Yvette right behind her talking baby names. I followed more slowly taking my time. I wanted to be talking baby names but I was too wrapped up with Tommy coming back. He was all I could think about once again. Damn, maybe I hadn't changed that much in three years.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everybody, sorry it took me so long to update. I had a major case of writer's block for some reason but tonight when I started writing it just flowed out so Yeah Me! I was floored with the reviews I got and I want you to know they are the reason I write. I love the reviews and I read every one of them. So thank you for letting me know what you think. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star, if I did, Tommy and Jude would be together. :)**

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Jude's alarm beeped the next morning and she found herself wanting to throw it against the wall. She only got about three hours of sleep the entire night, thoughts of Tommy running through her head. She was nervous, imagining the way he looked now, three years later. She couldn't help but wonder if he would still have the same habits behind the booth. Jude couldn't help but hope he hadn't changed that much, as a producer, Tommy had been the best.

Now as a man he'd been her biggest headache. Jude could still remember the way she'd chased him, only to have him piss her off by doing something that to him wasn't a big deal but to Jude, it was the biggest insult. Looking back she can see now they'd circled each other, watching and waiting to see what one another's latest move would be. Only to have Tommy's last move be leaving without a second look. Jude hated to admit it but Tommy must have mattered more to her than she to him. Three years later and that still had the power to cause her pain.

Jude finally stumbled from her bed, leaving it unmade. She was a firm believer that making your bed every morning was a waste of time. You were just going climb into it later that night.

She pulled on her most comfortable pair of jeans, the one's with holes in both knees and a back pocket missing. An old tour shirt from her third tour added to the comfortable look she was going for. She pulled on her newest pair of Vans, her new favorite shoe to collect. She wasn't a skater nor pretended to be one but Vans were comfortable and easy to slip on and off. A requirement for what could turn out to be a long day at the studio.

Jude made her way to the kitchen groaning when she realized she'd forgotten to set the timer on the coffee machine. That meant a quick stop at Starbucks which would put her behind schedule. She shrugged her shoulders as she grabbed her bag and guitar case, it was a good thing that her schedule was always flexible.

The drive to G Major once she'd gotten her latte, went by smoothly Soon enough she was parked in her space and walking into G Major's lobby where chaos was reigning. Jude could see SME hanging out on the couches and waved as she made her way towards them. She set her guitar case on the ground and sat down between Spied and Kyle.

"Somebody looks tired," Wally said eying her outfit and huge latte.

"Long night at Sadie's?" Spied asked looking worried.

She laid her head down on his shoulder and smiled when she felt him run his fingers through her hair. "No, just couldn't fall asleep last night. Too busy thinking about today."

"First day back in the studio," Spied said nodding his head.

SME was still her band and Spied liked to add 'and always would be.' Even though they'd put out two CD's of their own. She snuggled in and closed her eyes glad that she was able to lay against Spied and it wasn't awkward.

That wasn't the case three years ago. She still wanted to kill Karma for the emotional roller coaster she had put him through. Plus kill herself for being a horrible friend and not being there for him.

It had taken her eighteenth birthday party, a lot of beer and a huge fight for them to work through all of their issues. There had been lots of tears and angry words but by the time the next morning rolled around, they were friends again. They helped nurse each other through the mother of all hangovers and now were best friends. In fact, besides Jamie, Spied was the only other person who held that title and he wore it proudly.

"How's Jake?" Spied asked after a moment of silence had gone by.

"Happy he got his way," she admitted quietly.

Spied was probably the only person in the world that knew the truth about her relationship with the great and famous Jake Ryan. Jude didn't love Jake, at least not the kind of love she had felt for Tommy. But being in a relationship with Jake was really easy, considering he lived in another country. Besides, she wasn't ready to be in love, real love, with anyone. She once told Spied that she didn't know if Jake loved her either. She sometimes felt that he did love her but then she read the magazine articles where he had every young starlet on his arm. He always claimed it was nothing and I didn't really care if it was something so it was a win win.

"Your relationship isn't healthy," Spied commented just like he always said whenever they talked about Jude's relationship.

"I'm sure it's not but it's safe," she pointed out.

"So you say," Spied said right before Darius interrupted them.

"Jude, my office please," he said heading that way himself.

"Gotta go," Jude said giving him a quick hug. She walked into Darius's office prepared to face Tommy but relaxed when I didn't see him.

"He's not in yet," Darius said watching her. "Sit down Jude." She shut his office door before taking a seat in front of his desk. "I know I surprised you yesterday. I'm sorry about that. I talked it over with Kwest and he says he can handle Karma and you if you don't want to work with Tommy."

"I've thought about it…actually, it's all I've thought about since I left yesterday and I can deal with having Tommy produce my album," Jude said looking Darius in the eye.

"Really," Darius said slowly.

"It's been three years Darius, and I've changed," she said seriously. "We always made great music together and I can't throw away a chance at making more."

"Okay," Darius said momentarily thrown. Jude smiled, she was sure he had a big speech planned and she just blew it to smithereens. She loved surprising Darius.

"I'm going to go start working," she said standing up. "I'll be in my studio." She walked out of Darius's office and grabbed my guitar case before heading to the smallest studio G Major had to offer. It was Jude's favorite and since she was usually the only one to use it besides the occasional artist, everybody called it hers.

She shut the door, instantly appreciating the silence. She wanted some time to get her head around that Tommy would be here soon and they'd be confined to this small space.

Jude took a seat on the ratty old couch that she frequently took naps on. She pulled out my latest journal, it was pink with Rock Star written on it. It was a gift from Sadie and Rissa when Sadie realized Jude wasn't going to use the one Tommy had gotten her. It was currently in her closet, in a box marked personal. Along with a lot of memories she had with him.

There were tons and tons of pictures in there, along with some movie stubs, a pair of concert tickets and an old sweatshirt of Tommy's. Basically stuff that wouldn't mean much to other people but meant something to Jude.

She flipped to the an empty page so she could attempt to write a new song. She'd had a thousand of ideas while in New York but now that she actually had to start working on them, she couldn't concentrate.

Jude took a sip of her rapidly cooling latte and laid her head back on the couch. If she only could come up with an idea, anything. Even a stupid song about being in love with her guitar…God she hated that song now. She use to be so fifteen.

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Tommy walked into G Major with his head held high. He had expected the stares and the whispers but was genuinely surprised when most people didn't even acknowledge him. Of course he didn't remember them either but he was use to being recognized. Of course for three years nobody had really recognized him so this should feel normal.

He made his way towards Darius's office. He wasn't sure what his old boss was going to say to him. They'd been exchanging e-mails since he'd sent him the first message asking for his old job back. A week had gone by where he'd sat impatiently waiting for any response. He'd been sure it was a no but Darius had surprised him with a yes and a date for him to start.

Packing his stuff had taken a day since all he had were his clothes and a photo album. He'd said goodbye without looking back, ready to return to the life he wished he hadn't had to leave three years before.

Tommy knew it would be different. In three years thing were bound to change. Especially Jude.

He'd followed her the entire time he had been gone. Watched her on all her interviews, read every magazine article and critiqued every song he hadn't produced for her. He'd almost came back when the pictures had surfaced painting her in a not so pleasant light but she'd handled it like a pro. He'd been so proud of her when she never let Karma a publicly get to her even though he's sure she ranted and raved in private.

Lately she'd stayed out of the media. There was constant speculation on her relationship with Jake Ryan, the actor. When he'd first read about her relationship with the new it actor of Hollywood, he'd thrown the magazine across the room. Though he'd known she would find somebody someday, he wished it wouldn't be with a smooth talking actor, who according to the magazines, was a player.

But Jude never talked about the relationship in any interview. She just said she wanted to keep her personal life private. A commendable effort but that only made the tabloids more determined to print anything. Which they did so, pictures of Jake graced every tabloid in at least one article every week. Jude would be in the pictures but more often it was another woman.

Tommy raised his hand and knocked on the door unsure of protocol on how to talk to an old boss who you flaked on without any notice or phone call. So okay, he sent him an e-mail explaining about the emergency keeping him away but that didn't really make up for leaving Darius the way he did.

"Come in," Darius said loudly after Tommy knocked again.

He opened the door and stared at Darius with serious eyes. He hadn't changed, still the big bad boss behind the desk. Tommy walked into the office and shut the door behind him. He walked over to his desk and took a seat waiting for Darius to say something. He'd learned to wait for the one in authority to speak first, then you had less rope to hang yourself with.

"I'm only giving you one artist to start with," Darius said not even looking up from the paperwork on his desk. "You're on a trial period until I know if you are serious or not." He made another notation before finally looking up. "The only reason you have your job back even on a trial period is G Major hasn't been the same since you left. You were my number one producer."

"And I will be again," Tommy promised.

"We'll see," Darius said going back to his paperwork. "You'll find your artist in Studio C."

Tommy stood up and walked towards the door. "Thank you D," he said without turning around. He left the office and took a deep breath. Of all the ways he pictured his first meeting with Darius going, that had not been one of them. He got off easy and he wasn't going to take that for granted.

He headed straight towards the studio, he didn't want to give Darius any reason to think he wasn't serious about his job. He missed being a producer. He missed recording something that he knew was going to be a hit. Hell, he even missed recording songs that would probably be ignored on an album. He just missed going his job. The one thing in his life he was always sure of was his ability in making something great, the last three years had been the worst three years of his life. Being in Boyz Attack was a very close second.

He didn't bother looking through the window before he opened the door. He was sure he had some new artist that may or may not have talent. It was probably there first CD and he'd probably have a technician with him watching him reporting back to Darius.

He froze in the doorway when he saw Jude sitting on the couch playing her guitar singing. She hadn't noticed him yet, still lost in the lyrics. She was beautiful, better than any picture he had of her from three years ago. She looked the same. He had to smile at her outfit, it took him back to when they had recorded her first CD and she wasn't famous yet. She was just Jude Harrison, the lucky winner of a little contest. Now she was a woman and nothing scared him more.

_I can reach the sky  
without being traced down  
I can run forever  
while I try to hold on  
but if you'll be there where I drown  
i don't want to hold your hand  
its quicker then quicksand  
and you just wont make it_

Jude grabbed her pen and jotted down another chord change when she sensed somebody else in the room. She looked up and froze. It had been three years and he looked the same. He was just standing in the doorway, staring at her. She set her guitar down as she closed her journal and tried desperately to think of something clever and witty to say.

"You're back," was all she could come up with.

"Yeah," Tommy said walking into the room so he could close the door behind him. "Got back yesterday and just got here ten minutes ago."

"So…" Jude said standing up. She felt inferior to him and hated it. She was no longer 17, she needed to start acting like it. "I don't know what Darius told you but-"

"He just said that I was on a trial basis and that I had only one artist," Tommy said interrupting her. "I never thought it would be you."

"Surprise," Jude said sarcastically but then she closed her eyes and counted to ten. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Tommy said quickly. He deserved a lot more than just sarcasm.

"No it's not," she said shaking her head. "If we're going to work together like we use to then we can't be at each other's throats. I can't be anyways. So lets just forget it."

"Jude I'm-" Tommy started to say.

"It's fine Tommy," she said interrupting him this time. "I let go of it a long time ago. I moved on, you moved on. It's fine."

Tommy walked over to the board and stared down at it. He didn't know what to say or do and he wasn't use to feeling that way. He was always the smooth talker, except for this time when he just fumbled for words and said the wrong ones. He'd had a big speech planned for when he saw Jude for the first time. But she obviously wasn't ready to hear it and he definitely didn't want to push the issue. Pushing issues with Jude was a surefire way to piss her off and send her running.

"That song you were singing," Tommy said finally. "Have you finished it yet?"

"No, it's a long way from being finished," Jude said relieved he wasn't going to push the issue. With the long silence she had been sure he was going to force the issue and rehash the past but it looked like he was going to let it go too. She sat down and picked her guitar back up. "You want to hear what I have."

Tommy nodded and took a seat. He still couldn't believe he was sitting behind the booth, listening to one of the best artists he'd ever had the privilege of producing. Plus it was Jude, one of the main reasons he came back. Darius was giving him one hell of a break, he just hoped he didn't mess it up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everybody! Here's the latest update, duh, but I just had to say thank you for the people who reviewed. Not as many people reviewed last time and I hope that doesn't mean people aren't reading because that would so suck. This is by far my favorite story I've ever written so I hope you are loving it as much as I am. Thank you!!!!**

* * *

"So…tomorrow?" Jude asked closing her guitar case. She kept glancing at Tommy out of the corner of her eye but he was just sitting there, staring at the board. She'd never seen him act this way before, quiet and brooding.

"Oh yeah, um, nine?" Tommy asked looking at her.

"Tommy you're the producer," Jude said confused. Tommy never asked her before, he always set the time and she had to be there or get a lecture on punctuality.

"Yeah so nine," Tommy said still sounding a bit unsure.

"Okay," Jude said grabbing her stuff. She made her way towards the door and turned around quickly adding, "see you tomorrow."

Tommy just nodded his head and watched her leave the room. The last couple of hours had been slightly uncomfortable. Both tiptoeing around each other, trying to get a feel for how each of them had changed. Tommy couldn't wait 'til they got passed this slightly uncomfortable period and they could just be Tommy and Jude again.

"Jude…" Kwest said peering into the room but froze when he saw Tommy and no Jude. "Sorry, I thought Jude would be in here."

"You just missed her," Tommy said standing up.

"Okay," Kwest said looking away. He didn't know what to say to Tommy. They used to be best friends and now they couldn't even maintain eye contact with each other.

"How ya been?" Tommy asked finally sick of the silence.

"Good," Kwest said but then sighed.

"That's good," Tommy said but then he too sighed. "Man I'm sorry." When Kwest just stared at him he wanted to swear or hit something. Instead he started rambling. "I'm sorry for just leaving. You were my best friend, pretty much my only friend and I just threw it away. I just…"

"I'm married," Kwest said walking into the studio, shutting the door behind him. When Tommy just stared at him with his mouth hanging open he continued. "To…to Sadie."

"What?" Tommy asked more to himself than to Kwest.

"For a little over two years now," Kwest said waiting for Tommy to blow up. He had broken the best friend code by dating Sadie let alone marrying her. Tommy was a firm believer in the best friend code. "oh and we have a daughter, Marissa."

"Congratulations," Tommy said slowly. He didn't know what to say. He was being bombarded with information faster than he could process it. But he was sure Kwest was expecting some sort of response.

"That's it," Kwest said in disbelief.

"I'm sorry I didn't know," Tommy said confused.

"But," Kwest said but stopped himself from saying anything more. If Tommy wasn't mad, then why should be point out why he should be.

"So a kid," Tommy said shaking his head. Having just taken care of a little girl for three years, Tommy knew what he was talking about when he added, "big responsibility. How old is she?"

"Three," Kwest said and then watched as Tommy did the math. "It was after you left, we didn't do anything well you two were together."

Tommy nodded his head, still processing this new information. "I never thought you did. I'm just…surprised is all. I knew things must have changed but wow. That's just…did I say congratulations already?"

"Yeah," Kwest said softly. "Do you mean it?"

Tommy stared at the guy who he had called his best friend for many years. Both had changed since they last saw each other. Kwest with a wife and kid and Tommy having learned how to let go of the unimportant stuff. This is one of those unimportant things, he didn't want Sadie so why should he be mad his best friend did. So he said, with total confidence, "yeah, I do. Congratulations man."

Kwest stared at the hand Tommy held out and he grasped it with his, surprised when Tommy pulled him in for a manly hug. "Thanks," he said relieved that their first meeting hadn't involved any shouted insults and or fists. That's how he had pictured it going since he'd heard Tommy was coming back.

"How does it feel to be back?" Kwest asked changing the subject.

"Strange," Tommy admitted. "It's funny, I didn't really know what to expect but it's definitely going better than I ever would have thought."

"Jude…" Kwest said but Tommy finished his sentence for him.

"Is different," Tommy said still surprised that she had reacted calmly to him being back. "I don't want to say that I thought there would be tears and yelling because that would make me sound conceited but I definitely didn't expect cool, calm, and collected Jude Harrison."

"She's changed,' Kwest pointed out. "Probably more than anybody else around here has." He took a seat on the couch and waited until Tommy took a seat before continuing. "She's grown up a lot." He paused again trying to find the words that could explain just how much she'd changed. "The press is…well…invading."

"The press has never been kind," Tommy said softly. When Kwest looked at him he sighed. "I followed her while I was gone. I don't know why but I just felt like I had too."

"I could tell you why," Kwest said smirking.

"Okay, so I know why," Tommy admitted smiling sadly. "But I think I'm finally realizing that maybe I'm too late. Jude seemed okay today and who am I to mess that up."

"Then don't mess it up. Be her producer again, her friend. That's something you never really tried before," Kwest said rolling his eyes. He looked at his watch and swore. "I've got the most temperamental artist waiting for me so I gotta go."

"Se ya," Tommy said leaning back in his chair. He should probably go, considering his only artist wasn't here anymore. He'd probably end up being in somebody's way and be kicked out. But the thought of going back to his hotel room was a tad too sad for his taste.

Kwest walked out of the studio but turned around seeing Tommy look so confused. Tommy never looked confused, he was always confident, sometimes too confident.

"Look why don't you come over or dinner tonight?" Kwest offered before he could change his mind. "You can see Sadie again and meet Marissa."

Tommy stared at Kwest in surprise. It couldn't' be that easy, could it? Just show up with a sorry and congratulations and everything was good. Life didn't work that way, at least it never use to. When Kwest glanced at his watch again he nodded his head. "Sure, it'll be good to see Sadie again; meet Marissa."

"Coo," Kwest said making a mental note to call Sadie and let her know Tommy was coming over. "I get done here around six so if you just want to hang around here or just be back here around then."

"Okay," Tommy said watching Kwest finally leave him alone in the studio again. He looked around for the first time and smiled. He might end up regretting coming back to face the past he left behind but at the moment he was doing fine. His dad was wrong, he wasn't just like him.

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Jude walked out of G Major and climbed into her car on auto pilot. Her mind was still in the studio with Tommy. She pulled out her cell phone and started dialing Sadie but shut the phone before it connected. She couldn't talk to Sadie yet. She wasn't exactly the person she should go to about Tommy ever.

Jude started the car content to just drive around until she found herself pulling up to her rehearsal space. She still used it to write songs with SME or to just hang out with Jamie but lately she hadn't been using it as much.

She grabbed her guitar mainly because it was second nature than because she thought she would use it. The ride up the elevator was long and she found herself running the picture of Tommy sitting at the board running through her mind over and over again. She was still feeling a bit lost and confused. She hadn't known what to expect but what she'd gotten was definitely not the Tommy she had remembered.

"Jude," Spied said sitting up. He was sitting on his favorite couch working on a song that was going nowhere. Mainly he was just taking a break since he'd be back in the studio recording for Jude's next album soon enough.

"Oh hey," Jude said walking over, dropping her guitar case and bag on the floor on the way. She sat down beside him, happy to see him instead of Jamie. She could talk to Spied about Tommy, though she rarely did. Jamie, on the other hand, was definitely against anything Tommy. He would be angry to find her emotions conflicted for Tommy when it was obvious she shouldn't feel anything towards him.

"I thought you were in the studio today," Spied said settling back down into the position he had been in for the past hour. It was basically laying down with his notebook in his lap.

"I was," Jude said still not totally there.

Spied stared at her and frowned. She was in another zone and whenever that happened, it was usually not a good thing. She could hear you and respond but she wasn't really there, her mind was on something else.

"Tommy's back," Jude said suddenly breaking into his thoughts.

Spied opened his mouth to respond but closed it when he realized he had know idea what to say. Tommy was back, since when? How long had she known or was she just blindsided by it? Was that why she was almost acting like a zombie?

"When?" he finally asked closing his notebook so he could focus on Jude.

"Yesterday but I saw him today," Jude said softly. "He's changed."

"Okay," Spied said uncertainly. He didn't know what to say. He'd never been Tommy's biggest fan nor had he hated him either. Well, until he'd left Jude the way he had. He'd broken her back then and she was finally on her way back to being herself and he had to return. "Are you…okay?"

"You know, I thought I was," Jude said nodding her head. "I told Darius I could handle it that it wasn't going to be a problem. We are professionals and we can do our job but I don't know anymore."

"Your jobs," Spied said confused but then he realized what she was talking about. "He's producing you again!"

"Yeah," Jude said slowly. "Today was our first day and it was weird. Really weird. I mean, we wrote a song but it was…strange. I can't work like that."

"Of course you can't," Spied said shaking his head. "What was Darius thinking? What was Tommy thinking? He can't just come back and expect you two to be all fine and dandy?"

"He didn't," Jude said finally looking at him. "He didn't come back expecting anything. He didn't ask to produce me either." She looked down at her hands. "Darius is thinking about the music. Tommy and I…we use to make great music. We were a team, just him and I, taking on the music world by storm. Now we're like…strangers."

"Well you kind of are," Spied pointed out. "Strangers I mean."

"Yeah," Jude agreed after a moment of silence.

"It's been three years Jude," Spied finally said. "You can't just go back to the way it was. He has a lot of explaining to do and he doesn't even know how much you've changed."

"But that's it," Jude said standing up so she could pace. "I don't want him to explain anything. It doesn't matter why he left anymore. Two years ago maybe but not anymore. I've changed Spied. I don't need to rehash everything."

"But maybe he does," Spied said softly. He sat up and stared at her until she looked him in the eye. "Maybe he feels like he owes you an explanation."

"I don't want it," Jude said shaking her head.

"I know," Spied said smiling sadly. He patted the couch and waited until she sat down beside him. "You may not want it but you deserve it. I watched you when he left Jude and you fell apart. You were at the lowest I've ever seen you. So the part of me that still sees that Jude wants that explanation for you. But I've also watched you grow up and let go of the past. I've watched you become somebody so strong and resilient that I know you don't need to go back."

"What do I do?" Jude asked finally. She had tears in her eyes and was looking so sad that Spied's heart broke a little. She never cried anymore and he hated Tommy, at this moment, for causing these tears.

"You do what you always do," Spied said shaking his head at her. When she just stared at him he sighed. "You write a song." He picked up his notebook and handed it to her and tossed her his pen as he stood up. "I'm not leaving but I need some nourishment if we're going to do this."

Jude smiled and got comfortable as she started writing. Spied was right, if there was ever a way for her to talk to someone, it was through lyrics. She waited for Spied to get back before handing him the notebook. It was his idea to write a song so he would get input and she leaned back and let him read over what she had. Soon they were both pulling out their guitars and were lost in the music.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sadie stared at Tommy and Kwest who were sitting on the couch talking and laughing like three years hadn't passed. She had been quiet most of the night, watching Tommy like a hawk, just trying to get a feel for him. She still couldn't find the cocky, over-confident, bad boy she'd once lost her heart too. He was more quiet and content to let Kwest and Rissa dominate the whole night.

She'd tried calling Jude all day and gotten her voice mail every time. After five messages it was clear Jude was either holed up in her apartment or her rehearsal space. Most likely she'd run to Jamie or Spied instead of her sister which hurt but Sadie could understand her reasoning. She'd never been the most impartial person when it came to Tommy.

She'd been full of disbelief when Kwest had called her and told her how different Tommy was and wanted to let her know he'd invited him for dinner. She'd been annoyed and skeptical that Tommy Q. had changed into anything besides the bad boy who'd broken her heart and her sisters. But she'd been wrong, he was definitely different. Her only question was how long it was going to last.

"Babe, he's leaving," Kwest said walking into the kitchen. He hated that she had been so quiet and aloof all night but he knew it also couldn't be helped. He didn't want to admit it but he was happy that she hadn't fawned all over him all night. Tommy was usually so larger than life to the Harrison girls that he'd been afraid that she might still feel something. Although her silence could be taken in a different way, maybe she couldn't say anything because she felt too much. He hated his damn insecurities.

Sadie followed him into the entry way and smiled at Tommy. It was no where near her normal smile but Kwest had to give her credit for trying. "Bye Tom," she said crossing her arms over her chest.

"Bye Sadie," Tommy said putting his hands in his pockets. "It was nice seeing you again."

Sadie just nodded and shut the door behind him after he'd said goodbye to Kwest and Rissa. She wasn't going to welcome him back with open arms and she knew that she was going to have to have a talk with Kwest.

"Hey Rissa," Sadie said crouching down so she could look her in the eyes. "Why don't you go find a book for daddy to read to you tonight? He'll be up in few minutes."

They both watched Rissa run from the room towards her bedroom and Sadie led the way to the kitchen where she was still cleaning up from dinner. She didn't claim to be much of a cook and only could make the basics. But Tommy had raved over her lasagna. It kind of made you wonder about where he'd been the past three years.

"So," Kwest said opening the dishwasher so he could load the dishes as she rinsed them off.

"You were right," Sadie admitted. "He's changed but I still don't necessarily buy it."

"I never thought you would," Kwest said smiling. Sadie was the best bull shit reader he knew.

"I'm worried," Sadie finally said after a moment of silence had passed.

"I know you are," Kwest said. "But I think he came back because something happened Sadie. He's not the Tommy we all remember. He's so quiet and lost looking. It's almost…scary."

"I don't trust him," Sadie said seriously. "He's hurt me-"

"I know," Kwest said annoyed. He didn't like hearing about how much Tommy had hurt her and how it still affected her. A part of him always felt a little inferior to Tommy.

"If you'd let me finish," Sadie said rolling her eyes. "More importantly he hurt my sister which I can't just forgive and forget. He hurt her way more than he ever hurt me. He tore her heart out and staring at him tonight, I just wanted to throw that in his face. But it's not my fight and I held it in. I should get credit for that by the way."

"Is that the only reason you can forgive and forget?" Kwest asked hating that he had too. He married Sadie knowing that a part of her heart belonged to Tommy but as long as he'd stayed gone he didn't have to acknowledge it. Now that Tommy was back, it was a little scary to think he could lose her. He loved her.

"You know I was worried to see him tonight," Sadie said after a moment. "When he left, it was so sudden that a part of me felt like things were unfinished." She turned so she was facing Kwest and wanted to smack him for looking so worried. He had nothing to worry about. "My feelings mostly because I knew I didn't mean anything to him anymore, another girl had always had his heart, or so I thought at the time." She smiled at Kwest and continued. "But tonight I realized that I am incredibly stupid."

"You are not," Kwest said always ready to defend her.

"I am too," Sadie said rolling her eyes. "I'm an idiot because the only thing I feel for Little Tommy Q. is gratitude for wrecking things so I could fall in love with the only man I could ever be with."

Kwest pulled Sadie towards him and hugged her to his chest more to hide the big smile on his face than anything else. He knew he looked like a complete idiot but he'd always had the thought that if Tommy came back his whole world would fall apart.

"Now I need to tell you something," Sadie said pulling back but still wrapped in Kwest's embrace. "I know we didn't plan this and I've been freaking out now for awhile."

"Sadie," Kwest said confused. She had taken to rambling when she was nervous and even though it was usually cute, tonight it wasn't.

"I'm pregnant," Sadie said quickly.

Kwest stared at her and this time didn't care if she saw the smile take over his face. "Pregnant," he repeated slowly. "As in another child."

"Yeah," Sadie said softly.

"That's great," Kwest said picking her up and spinning her around.

"Kwest!" Sadie yelled slapping him so he'd put her down.

"We have to tell Rissa, she'll be so excited," Kwest said running from the room to find his daughter to share the good news. Sadie followed at a slower pace smiling at her own stupidity. Here she expected Kwest to freak out saying it was too soon but instead he was happy and excited. Usually she could predict Kwest's moods but it had to be the hormones screwing with her abilities. That was the only explanation.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey Party Peoples! So here's the latest chappy and I must say that this was a hard chapter to write but it turned out okay I think. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update but I had some major writer's block. Basically because last weeks episode was so damn good and I want to write a sweet Jommy moment but I'm not there yet in this story to have that moment. But it's coming up. Very soon I might add. So stay tuned for the Jommy goodness. **

Jude pulled up to the guy's house. Shortly after their first album all the guys in SME had bought a house together and they loved to call it the bachelor pad. In reality there was always pizza boxes and fast food containers everywhere, it smelled weird and Jude swore she once saw a mouse there. She hadn't stepped foot inside since. She honked the horn and yawned as she waited for Spied to come outside.

It had taken all afternoon and well into the night to finish the song and Jude had told him he had to be there when she sang it for Tommy. She needed all the moral support she could get.

She laughed when Spied ran out of the house and tripped down the stairs. She waited until he climbed into the car before saying, "graceful as ever I see."

"Remind me to never speak to you again," Spied said laying the passenger seat back as he closed his eyes. "I may have got, and this is just a guess, five hours of sleep. Wally and his girl are fighting. I had to sit up and listen to the many reasons why Wally is right and Amanda is wrong. There were a lot of reasons."

"I told you to sleep at my place," Jude said chuckling when Spied made a move to hit her. "You aren't suppose to hit girls Vincent."

Spied rolled his eyes but then took a deep breath deciding to jump into the difficult topic of Jude's relationship with both feet. "So Jamie called me last night."

"Oh," Jude said pulling onto the highway. "Somebody had a busy night."

"Yeah well he mentioned Jake," he said slowly. He'd promised Jamie he'd talk to Jude, but only until Jude told him to butt out. He hadn't become one of her closest friends by being an idiot. Jude hated having her personal life discussed behind her back.

"A really busy night," Jude finally said her tone flat, almost devoid of any emotion.

"Seems he's called you a couple times and you haven't been answering or returning any of his calls," Spied commented quietly.

"I've been really busy lately," Jude said just as quietly.

"Dammit Jude, don't do this," Spied said loudly putting his seat back in the upward position. "Don't phase him out because Tommy came back. I may not be the biggest fan of your relationship but what you're doing is wrong."

"I'm not," Jude said pulling into G Major's parking lot. "I swear on my new guitar I'm not." She pulled into her space before continuing. "I've wanted to answer the phone and picked it up to dial his number but then the fear of the inevitable questions jump into my mind."

"What questions?" Spied asked confused.

"I've never told Jake about Tommy," Jude finally admitted softly. When Spied looked like he was going to say something she hurried to explain. "I know I told you I did but I couldn't. At the time I just didn't want to bring it up again afraid of having the pain come back. But then it just got easier to keep it to myself. Tommy and I were never anything except in my own mind. So I decided against telling Jake anything."

"I can't say I'm surprised," Spied said running his hand through his hair. "But I think it's time to tell him. As a best friend, I'm telling you its time."

"I know," Jude said making a face. "But I don't know how. Jake isn't a fan of me hanging out with you and once I explain Tommy, he'll be even harder to deal with."

"Well," Spied said smirking when she brought up Jake's insane idea that Jude and him would ever hook up again. It was always nice to feel like you were a threat even though he knew it would never happen.

"Should I do it by phone?" Jude said thoughtfully. "No! E-mail would be better. Than I wouldn't have to listen to him go on and on about how I keep things from him."

"Then don't keep things from him," Spied said rolling his eyes. "And e-mail Jude, are we in Junior High?"

"I can't tell him everything," Jude said staring at Spied like he was stupid. "He's already difficult to handle. If he really knew what my life was like he'd dump me."

"And you don't want that," Spied said sounding unsure. Sometimes he wondered if Jude really even liked being in a relationship with Jake.

"No I don't," Jude said honestly. "So we aren't exactly a love match right now, someday we could be. Plus it's nice knowing he cares about me at least a little bit. And like I said before, he's safe."

"Well then you better start thinking about how you're going to mention Tommy to him because it will hit the press soon." When Jude looked at him he snorted. "Little Tommy Q coming back from whatever black hole he climbed into is newsworthy. Plus the press will have a field day bringing up how you acted like a zombie the first year he was gone. Once the vultures get wind of this, it'll be everywhere. Even the U.S."

"Damn," Jude said realizing he was right.

"Do you want to call him now?" Spied asked after opening his car door.

"No," Jude said after a moment had gone by. "I'd rather go inside and record You Learn before I lose what little courage I have."

"Okay," Spied said knowing when to push and when to let go.

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"We need a single Tommy," Darius said leaning against the wall as he talked to Tommy in Jude's studio. "I know that you've only been working one day but it's been a year since she's put out anything. Basically a year since she's written anything worth recording."

"We started something yesterday but I don't know if it's releasable," Tommy admitted tossing the pen he'd been holding at the sound board.

"How was yesterday?" Darius asked after a moment of silence had gone by.

"Uncomfortable," Tommy said seriously. He had nothing to gain by lying.

"Maybe I made a mistake," Darius said frustrated. "She's changed, as I'm sure you've noticed, but her music was still there. Lately…it hasn't been as good. Something's missing and I thought that if anybody could help her find it, it'd be you."

"Give us a chance," Tommy said sounding just as frustrated. "It's been one day Darius, just one day."

"I don't have many more days to give," Darius said starting to pace in the small studio. "Her fans aren't happy with the break I've given her already."

"We'll have something by tomorrow," Tommy said praying to God that he wasn't lying. They had to have something after today, right?

"How 'bout today?" Jude said from the doorway. She'd walked in shortly after Tommy had said working with her was uncomfortable, she shouldn't have been hurt by that statement but she was. Though it had been uncomfortable for her too, she wouldn't have told Darius that.

"You've got something for me," Darius said smirking.

"We've got something," Jude said pointing to herself and then to Spied. "If you can spare a few minutes I'll play it for you."

"I have a few minutes," Darius said leaning against the wall again. He watched as Tommy openly stared at Jude but his number one artist didn't even look in his direction. She just grabbed her guitar and her journal and walked into the recording room with Spied who was carrying his guitar too. He hoped it wasn't a duet because although he wasn't apposed to duets, it couldn't be her first single in over a year.

Tommy was getting the board ready and waited until Jude had the headphones on before pressing the button. "Jude Harrison Untitled in three, two, one."

_I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone  
I recommend walking around naked in your living room  
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)  
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)  
Wait until the dust settles_

Spied stared at Quincy, who was listening intently to the music and was nodding at something Darius said as he made some adjustments to the board. He looked the same except that now he stared at Jude like she was a bone and he was a hungry dog. Before he'd always managed to keep a tight lid on his feelings for her but it looked like the past three years had taken away that ability.

_You live you learn  
You love you learn  
You cry you learn  
You lose you learn  
You bleed you learn  
You scream you learn_

Jude finished the first chorus and could already feel some of the tension slipping out of her. Last night she'd known it was a good song but singing it now in front of Tommy and Darius, it felt more than good. It was one of the best songs she'd ever written.

_I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone  
I certainly do  
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time  
Feel free  
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)  
Hold it up (to the rays)  
You wait and see when the smoke clears_

Tommy stared at Jude as she started in on the chorus again. It didn't take a genius to figure out the song was for him and this is why Jude didn't want an explanation or even to talk about the past at all. He wished she could have sung it for the first time without Darius and Spied being present.

_You live you learn  
You love you learn  
You cry you learn  
You lose you learn  
You bleed you learn  
You scream you learn_

Darius was already making mental notes in his head for what he had to do to get the ball rolling for Jude's first single. He had changes he wanted to make for the song but he could smell a hit from a mile away and this was definitely a hit.

_Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)  
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)  
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend_

Spied quit playing his guitar and let Jude finish it all on her own. This last part had been all her. Last night tears had been shed as they'd finished the song but today her eyes were dry. This song had been therapeutic for her and he took one last glance at Quincy who was just staring at Jude still.

_You live you learn  
You love you learn  
You cry you learn  
You lose you learn  
You bleed you learn  
You scream you learn_

Jude held the tears back as she finished the song. This last part was hard for her because it was a short summary of her emotions from the first year Tommy had been gone. It was hard to sing and it was taking every ounce of her being to keep her emotions under wraps.

_You grieve you learn  
You choke you learn  
You laugh you learn  
You choose you learn  
You pray you learn  
You ask you learn  
You live you learn_

"So maybe I was wrong," Darius said watching as Jude said something to Spied that made him lean over and hug her.

"About what?" Tommy asked turning to look at his old mentor.

"You are good for Jude," Darius said smiling. "She just doesn't know it yet."

Tommy watched as Darius walked into the recording room to talk to Jude and thought about what he'd just said. He didn't feel good for Jude, he felt almost like he was causing her more pain by just being in the same room as her. But Darius obviously saw something that he couldn't.

"We'll talk about the changes," Jude said walking back into the studio with Darius and Spied behind her.

"Three o'clock in my office," Darius said nodding his head. He was late for another meeting with Kwest and Karma so he headed straight for the doorway.

"Hey Darius, wait up," Spied said hurrying to catch up with his boss. He didn't have anything to talk to him about but you could cut the tension in the room with a knife and he didn't want to be around when the sparks started flying.

"So," Jude said after they'd closed the door behind them.

"Jude I understand your point," Tommy said standing up. "But I need you to understand that sometime soon…I have to tell you why I left and why it took me so long to come back. Not because I think you want or need to hear it but because you deserve an explanation."

"I don't-" Jude started to say but stopped herself. She didn't want to hear it now but who was to say she wouldn't want that explanation someday. "Okay."

"So the song," Tommy said looking down at the board before looking at her again. "It was amazing, a true Jude Harrison original."

"You think so," Jude said surprised at how much his opinion mattered to her.

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it," Tommy said smiling at her. Jude couldn't help but give him a small one in return. This was the first moment that she actually felt like this whole producing thing was going to work.

"Jude," Jamie said breaking into her thoughts. "I need to talk to you for a minute."

"I'm kind of busy right-" Jude said.

"Now," Jamie said interrupting her.

Jude smiled apologetically at Tommy but followed her best friend out of the studio. Jamie never interrupted her studio time unless he had something really important to discuss. He'd probably pissed Patsy off again and needed a girl's opinion on how to get back into her good graces. He usually had that problem once a week.

"How could you not tell me Tommy was back?" Jamie asked closing the door behind them when they were finally in his office.

Jude stared at Jamie in surprise. He was actually glaring at her and if this had been a cartoon, smoke would have been coming out from his ears. "I thought you knew."

"Does it look like I knew?" Jamie asked close to yelling at this point.

"Excuse me Jamie," she said starting to get pissed off. "I didn't think to tell you because I've been a little busy dealing with his being back on my own. You work here, I would have thought somebody would have told you. Don't yell at me because the office gossip mill is slow."

"How can you let him be your producer again? After everything he put you through!" Jamie yelled shaking his head. "He's broken your heart over and over again and yet you let him back in for another shot at it."

"He's just my producer Jamie," Jude said softly, trying to remember that Jamie was just being a concerned friend.

"How many times have I heard that before?" Jamie asked rolling his eyes. "You have to fire him or go to Darius and tell him that you've changed his mind. This is ridiculous."

"I mean it this time," Jude said through clenched teeth. "You know, I'm going to forget that you've interrupted some much needed studio time. I'll forget that you are yelling at me like a crazy person and forget that you have gone from concerned friend to controlling jackass."

"You know what Jude," Jamie said in a normal tone. "Don't come crying to me when he turns out to be the asshole that we both remember. I'll just stand there and tell you I told you so."

Jude stared at Jamie as he stormed out of his office and closed her eyes. She knew Jamie didn't like Tommy but how could she have missed the deep hatred he had for him? Jude didn't even hate Tommy that much and she'd been the one with a broken heart. This was one snag she hadn't planned on.

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**Please Please Please review! It takes less than a minute and it puts a smile on my face. So please review!!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everybody! Here's the latest update and I want to apologize for it taking so long. I've been in Las Vegas for the past week and I didn't take my computer with me. I wanted to see the sites but I should have brought it because I spent a good amount of time in the hotel room with the kids I nanny for and it would have been nice to have my computer. I hope you like it, this chapter was surprisingly easy to write once I got started. **

**OMG! This weeks episode was good but next weeks episode is going to be a humdinger. I don't like the preview for it already and I don't want to watch Tommy and Jude break up!!!! Does anybody agree?????**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star or the song How do I Deal. **

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"Hey dad," Jude said sliding into the open seat across from her father. It was time for their monthly meeting where they went over her accounts and any big events coming up. They usually spent most of the time discussing personal issues since her career was usually pretty straight forward.

"Just water for us right now," Stuart said after their waitress ran through the specials. "Thanks."

Jude smiled politely as she set her menu beside her without even opening it. She always ordered the same thing and so did her dad. "Anything major coming up?"

"Just you're normal appearances as of right now but Darius wants you to make a video for You Learn, he wants it playing on all the major music stations within a couple weeks."

"Isn't that a little fast?" Jude asked surprised. It usually took a month to make a video, edit it and get it on all major networks.

"You haven't put out anything in over a year and even I have to admit that You Learn is going to be one of your biggest hits," Stuart said smiling as the waitress set their waters on the table. He went ahead and ordered their food and handed both their menus over.

"So how's Yvette?" Jude asked figuring their business talk was already over as usual.

"She's good," Stuart said nodding his head. "But I have a question I need to ask you."

"Okay," she said wondering why he didn't just ask it.

"When were you going to tell me about Tommy being your new producer?" he asked quietly.

"Not you too," Jude said having flashbacks to her conversation with Jamie.

"I mean as your manager I need to know these things," he went on like she hadn't said anything. "But as your father I think I know why you didn't."

"Oh really," Jude said curious to his opinion on the matter. "Tell me why then."

"Clearly you have unresolved feelings for him and you might be letting that cloud your judgment of the situation," he explained.

"And clearly you have no idea why I didn't' tell you," Jude said rolling her eyes. "I didn't tell you because I figured you already knew. Also, your feelings toward Tommy must be clouding your judgment of the situation because I'm letting Tommy produce my album because we make amazing music together."

"Jude-" Stuart said sounding like the was patronizing her. "That's not the only reason and you know it."

"Maybe not," Jude conceded. "But I'm not willing to dwell too much on the other reasons right now so why don't we change the subject."

Stuart could tell Jude had made up her mind on the subject and didn't want to push her too far today. Soon enough she'd see why he was so worried about her obvious emotional decision she had made. Everything between Tommy and her ended up being dramatic and painful. Why would this time be any different?

"So has Sadie told you her news yet?" Jude asked changing the subject herself.

"About the baby, yes," he said peacefully dropping the subject for the moment.

"Marissa was such a surprise," Jude said remembering how panicked both Kwest and Sadie had been at becoming parents.

"This time they should be more relaxed," Stuart said taking a sip of his water.

"We are talking about Sadie right?" Jude asked laughing. "Mrs. Worrywart herself. She's going to be even more panicked."

"I guess," he agreed smiling. "Kwest should be calmer at least."

"Hopefully," Jude said smiling. "Remember how he fainted when the doctor asked him if he wanted to look. Sadie is never going to let him forget it."

"I'm never going to let him forget it," Stuart said making them both laugh. He waited as the waitress set their food in front of them and left with a smile. "How's Jake?"

"Good," Jude said hoping she wasn't lying. She'd called him late the night before knowing he wouldn't answer. She'd left him a message that she knew didn't explain her odd behavior but she wasn't ready to explain yet. She didn't know how Jake would react at the news and wasn't ready for any unwanted drama. She had enough gong on right now.

"How is he with Tommy being your producer again?" he asked skillfully maneuvering the conversation back to Tommy.

"I wouldn't know since I have yet to tell him," Jude admitted then added, "he probably wouldn't care since he has no idea who Tommy is anyway."

"You never told him," Stuart said genuinely surprised.

"Why would I tell him Dad?" Jude asked. "We were never anything more than producer and artist."

"He's always been more than a producer to you Jude," Stuart pointed out. "Even if you were never an actual couple, you wanted to be. And your heart was engaged, you should have told him."

"I didn't think I'd see him again," Jude said softly. "I didn't want to bring him up when I didn't think he'd ever be an issue between us."

"And now he is," Stuart said.

"No," Jude said quickly, too quickly. "I don't want him to be. I just want to record my album and I have to admit that I'm glad Tommy's producing it. I wasn't at first but now I can only see the good."

"I hope you know what you're doing," he finally said his worry evident in his tone of voice.

"If there's one thing I've learned in the past couple years it's that I never know what I'm doing," Jude said honestly.

"That's what worries me," Stuart said softly.

They mutually decided to change the subject and spent the rest of the lunch discussing random topics, nothing serious. But Jude still couldn't get passed everybody's constant interference in her life. She was sick of explaining herself, everybody just needed to leave her alone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Jude," Tommy said when it became obvious she wasn't going to even acknowledge is presence in the room.

"Yeah," she mumbled still staring off into space.

"It's been ten minutes and you haven't said anything," Tommy said. "Want to tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Jude denied snapping out of her daydream. She didn't want to tell him that everyone was questioning her sanity when it came to letting him be her producer again. That would just lead to more questions that she didn't have answers for.

"Yeah I believe that," Tommy said rolling his eyes. He wished he knew how to get her to open up. Before he'd always known exactly what to say to get her out of her funks. But not anymore.

"It's the…" Jude said trying to lie but she sucked at lying. "Alright okay, it's a lie."

"Duh," Tommy said sarcastically making Jude smile. "That's one thing that stayed the same." When Jude looked at him he smirked. "You're inability to lie, never were very good at it if I remember correctly."

"Some people consider that a good quality to have," Jude pointed out arching one eyebrow.

"But not you," Tommy said chuckling when Jude started to deny it but she sat back with a huff.

"You're right once again," Jude said crossing her arms over her chest. "Are you ever wrong?"

"Sometimes," Tommy said softly. "And usually at the most important times." When Jude looked at him like she was ready to bolt he sighed. They were never going to talk about that night at this rate.

"Tommy," Jude said uneasily. She didn't want to bring up the past tonight.

"Now will you please tell me what's wrong?" Tommy asked changing the subject.

Jude sighed. "I'm just tired I guess." Tommy looked like he didn't believe her again so she hurried to add. "Seriously, I'm tired. Tired of all the questions of my sanity and the orders to change my mind. Tired of the looks and whispers whenever I enter a room. Just tired of dealing. Tired of not knowing how to deal with everything."

"Questions?" Tommy asked even thought he already had a general idea of what or who she was talking about.

"Nobody trusts my judgment anymore," Jude said ignoring his question.

"Well you know what would be better than sitting on a couch dwelling on their idiocy," Tommy said grabbing her journal our of her bag and a stray pen he found after digging around. "Write it down. Turn your frustration into a song."

"I don't know Tommy," Jude said looking at the journal. She wanted to grab the journal out of his hands and start writing but this would be the first time they would be really writing a whole song together. She still remembered the words he'd said the first time they'd finished a song.

_Look, working on a song... It's like falling in love. First it's a rush, but then it's painful, and sometimes you gotta walk away. But sometimes, you come out with something beautiful, like that song_

She started falling for him at that moment. She didn't want that to happen again.

"You'll feel better," Tommy said dangling the journal in front of her. "C'mon Jude, it's just a song."

Jude nodded looking up into his eyes as she took it from his hands. "Just a song," she repeated softly. She opened the book to a blank page and took the cap off the pen.

They were both staring at each other, both aware of the step they were taking. Writing a song together was more personal than any other thing in the world. They would be sharing pieces of themselves, and after three years without sharing a single thing, it was scary.

"So," Tommy said sick of the uncomfortable silence. "How do you want it to start?" He thought back to everything she'd said. "You're sick of dealing with everything or in this case, not dealing like you said."

"How do I deal," Jude whispered but quickly wrote it down.

"Okay," Tommy said nodding his head. 'how do I deal with…what exactly?"

"How do I deal with you," she said glancing up at him before looking back at the page in front of her.

"How do I deal with me," Tommy added after a moment of silence had gone by.

"I like it," Jude said nodding as she wrote it down. She said both lines together and then wrote something else down without saying it out loud.

Tommy walked over and sat down beside her so he could see what she'd written. "When I don't even know myself," he read softly out loud and he added, "or what it is you want from me."

Jude looked at him surprised to see he was just as confused as she was. The song was suppose to be about her frustration with everybody around her. Turns out it was going to about her and Tommy's frustration with each other.

"How do I deal with us," Jude said looking away to write it down. "How do I know what's real?"

"When I don't even trust myself," Tommy added.

"Or what it is I feel," Jude said softly. "How do I deal?"

"Um…sounds good so far,' Tommy said standing up.

"Yeah," Jude said staring intently at the words she'd just written down. She hadn't planned on writing a song that had anything to with Tommy. But rereading the words that had flowed so naturally from both of them, she couldn't imagine not finishing the song. So she sat back and looked up at Tommy and with just a look, dared him to stay and finish it with her.

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Jamie stood outside the studio door watching as Tommy and Jude shared another look that would melt any ice sculpture within a hundred miles. He'd been standing there for ten minutes and even he could tell that Jude was fooling herself. This maybe had started with wanting an amazing fourth album but the reality was she wanted to be near Tommy.

He hated Tom Quincy. From the first day he'd met the guy he'd known that he was going to change his world…and he had. Jude started falling for him from the moment he opened his mouth. He was everything Jamie wasn't. He'd been jealous and angry and had done everything in his power to keep Jude his but she'd slipped away at some point.

He'd thought they stood a chance when they'd shared that mind blowing kiss at the airport. His every wish had come true and he'd had the girl of his dreams in his arms because she'd chosen to be there. It had been the best moment of his life.

But it ended shortly there after and at the time, he liked to think it was because it wasn't there time yet. That they both had some more life experiences to live through before it was time for them, as a couple.

When Tommy had taken off without any explanation he'd been happy. He didn't love Jude like that anymore of course, he had Patsy who rocked his world literally. She was everything Jude wasn't. He'd watched Jude suffer through another broken heart from Tommy and he'd watched her break through the pain and move on. He'd even introduced her to Jake figuring it was time for her to start dating and Jake was a nice guy. He'd never thought they'd hit it off and still be together now but he liked seeing her with Jake. He was good for her.

Now with Tommy back it was like a punch in the gut. He couldn't believe the gall he had to walk back into Jude's life and shake everything up. He hated that Jude was letting him back in without even considering all the cons of the decision. She was once again blinded by her school girl crush on the guy. What did she see in him?

Jamie watched as Tommy pulled a chair so he was sitting in front of Jude and pulled his cell phone out. He'd known the moment Tommy had come back that he was going to have to call Jake and tell him that the worst had happened. He'd told Jake about Tommy before he'd ever introduced Jude to him. He'd wanted him to know to treat Jude with respect and he didn't regret that decision. Jake loved Jude, in his own way. Jamie wasn't going to let Tommy swoop in and steal Jude from him without giving the guy a fighting chance. Jake had to come to Toronto.

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Review please!!! It just takes a few minutes and it puts a big smile on my face!!!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everybody!!! I am so sorry that it's taken so long to udate but I swear it wasn't me. This site is so messed up right now but thanks to BookWorm1990 I am able to update!!!! So thank you to you BookWorm you are a lifesaver. I've been wanting to post this for a week so here you go!!!**

**Thank you for all the reviews, I was blown away by the response. I hope this chapter is just as well received.**

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"It was…I can't even explain it Sadie," Jude said throwing her body onto the couch in Sadie's living room.

"So you had what…a moment," Sadie said following her sister into the living room. She'd opened the door to find Jude chewing off her fingernails and thinking hard about something. It didn't take a genius to figure out it had something to do with Tommy.

"No!" Jude exclaimed sitting up. "And it wasn't as much a moment as a lot of little moments spread out over one afternoon." She started chewing her nails again. "It just reminded me of how it use to be between the two of us. It felt so natural…well after we got passed all the uncomfortable silences in the beginning."

"So you guys are back to the way you were before," Sadie said slowly, unsure if that was a good thing. Jude and Tommy's relationship before is little disappearing act hadn't exactly been healthy…on Jude's part anyway.

"But we're not," Jude said standing up so she could pace back and forth in front of Sadie who took a seat in a chair. "We're really not because when I look at him…all I see is somebody I don't trust. I don't want it to be the way it was before. The way it use to be obviously didn't work because he left me without looking back even once."

"We don't know that for sure," Sadie pointed out. "Kwest has told me a little bit and from what he said, Tommy looked back quite a bit."

"Okay so he may have looked back," Jude said rolling her eyes.

"So what are you saying?" Sadie asked confused. "So you're still angry that he left? Or upset at least?"

"Of course I am," Jude said sadly. She sat back down on the couch as she tried to explain all the mixed up feelings in her head. "I didn't want to be. I want to be over everything since it was three years ago and I'm not that girl he left behind but that naive little girl is still inside of me. She's not ready to forgive and forget even though the current me can at least forget if not forgive."

"You have way to many Jude's in you," Sadie said shaking her head as she tried to interpret what her sister had said.

"Sadie!" Jude said making a face. "I hate that I'm turning into that girl I use to be. I'm not her anymore."

"Maybe Tommy shouldn't have come back," Sadie said after a moment had gone by. She admitted that Jude's old self was beginning to come through a little more but she didn't necessarily think it was a bad thing. As long as the temper tantrums didn't return too.

"I'm glad he did though," Jude said softly looking up at Sadie who was staring at her in surprise. "I wasn't at first. I like my life right now. I have great friends, family who loves me and my job is going great. But since he came back I've started realizing that something's missing and it's been missing for a long time."

"What's that?" Sadie asked.

"Passion," Jude admitted. "And I don't mean passion for Tommy but just passion in general. I use to be so passionate about everything. It showed in my choices and my music. I've gone soft. So I'm glad that he came back if only for that reason."

"Tommy and you were always very…passionate," Sadie said smirking. Jude had confided in her after he'd left about their two kisses. She had been surprised at the time but now, looking back, she was surprised they hadn't kissed more.

"Sadie," Jude said again glaring at her sister.

"Jude you can deny it all you want but there's something there still," Sadie said standing up so she could get them some refreshments. She could hear Jude following her into the kitchen so she kept talking. "I haven't even seen you two together but I can hear it in your voice and see it in your eyes. It's still there."

"Possibly," Jude said taking a seat on a stool at the island. "But he use to be a big part of my life so of course some feelings would still be there. Right?"

"Sure Jude," Sadie said nodding her head laughing when Jude picked a grape and threw it at her. "I just think that you're trying really hard not to feel anything."

"I have a boyfriend," Jude insisted weakly.

"That you see maybe six times a year and even admit out loud that you don't feel anything but friendship for him," Sadie fired right back. She wasn't going to let her use the boyfriend excuse.

"I can't like Tommy again," Jude said finally saying out loud the truth. "I won't let myself because my heart can't take another stake shoved through it."

"Can I just say ew at the visual?" Sadie asked shuddering. "I agree that your heart has taken quite a beating from the ex boybander." Sadie set a glass of juice in front of Jude as she sipped from her own. "But Jude…Kwest says he's different. I don't know if I buy it yet but I wouldn't write him off completely quite yet."

"You think I should let him in again," Jude said genuinely surprised.

Sadie had never been a big Tommy supporter. When Jude had finally admitted her feelings towards Tommy, Sadie wouldn't have won the sister of the year award with her immature behavior she had portrayed. She didn't even have any reason to be angry since she'd been pregnant with Marissa and engaged to Kwest but Tommy had been her ex. But eventually she'd opened her eyes and seen the love Jude had for Tommy had been more than just a crush. How could she stay angry when her sister's heart was breaking into pieces?

"I just want you to have what I have with Kwest," Sadie said smiling as she brought up her husband's name. "I loved Tommy but it's nothing compared to what I feel for Kwest. He's everything to me and I want you to have that."

"I want that," Jude admitted. "But Tommy's not exactly the best choice for happily ever after. He's got quite a few strikes against him."

"Then it's a good thing you aren't in a baseball game sister," Sadie said rolling her eyes. "That crap about love being a baseball game is stupid. Love is about forgiving because everybody's human. Even super hot, ex boybander, producer, bad asses."

"Could you be any more retarded?" Jude asked laughing.

"Yeah," Sadie said sticking out her tongue. She took a deep breath as she walked around the island so she could sit beside her sister. "Speaking of forgiving and being human…mom's coming for a visit."

"Sadie don't start," Jude warned tensing up when she heard the world mom.

"Jude it's been two years since you saw her last," Sadie said calmly, one of them had to be cool headed and since Jude never was when it came to Victoria, she had to be.

"If you remember correctly you lied to me and that's the only reason I showed up at that family dinner and had to see her," Jude pointed out. She still remembered how angry she'd been when she'd walked into the dining room and seen her mom and Don sitting at the table. Almost Four years had gone by since she'd seen her mom and the disappointment and anger was still there. She had a feeling ten years could go by and she'd feel the same way.

"And I decided not to do that again and to tell you straight out so you could be an adult and make the right choice," Sadie said.

"What's the right choice Sadie?" Jude asked angrily. "Sitting down and sharing dinner with the woman who abandoned me and didn't even give me a goodbye. Who didn't even call me until after I turned 18 to see if I was 'over it.'"

"Jude you were 17 and already supporting yourself and making your own decisions," Sadie said rolling her eyes.

"I don't care how old I was," Jude said standing up. "She left me and ignored my existence for over a year. I don't need her Sadie and I don't want to share a meal with her again. I think Tommy and I'll be working that evening."

"Really," Sadie said standing up also.

"Yeah really," Jude shot back.

"That's really interesting because Kwest already invited him to eat with us and he said yes," Sadie said over her shoulder as she left the room. If being an adult and a good daughter couldn't get her to the table then maybe dangling Tommy as a guest in front of her would be. She'd just have to call Kwest and get him to invite him before Jude asked.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You don't look so good," Kwest said walking into the Jude's studio where Tommy sat with his head in his hands.

"Probably because I've been here most of the night," Tommy said looking up at him.

"You spent the night here," Kwest said surprised.

"Pretty much," Tommy admitted. He'd gone back to his hotel room for a couple hours but the studio was where he felt the most comfortable. It's where he thought the best and made the best decisions.

"So maybe I shouldn't ask how things are going?" Kwest asked sitting on the couch in Jude's studio. Jude would arrive soon and he didn't have much time to get the dirt Sadie had asked him to get.

"Strangely," Tommy admitted running a hand through his hair.

"How so?" Kwest asked glancing at his watch.

"It's like pulling teeth to get anything out of her," Tommy said frustrated. "But then when I finally broke through one wall and I thought we were finally getting somewhere; she put up another wall and left the studio before we could record the song we wrote."

"You wrote a song together," Kwest said.

"A good one," Tommy said smiling as he remembered the afternoon before. "It was…everything I thought it would be. It brought me back to how it was when we use to write together."

"Your songs are always the best on the album," Kwest said nodding his head.

"I just wish she'd talk to me," Tommy sighed. "I know she's still angry or at least upset about the past but she won't let me explain. It's like this giant elephant in the room whenever we're together and I want to get rid of it."

"But as long as it's there, she can hide behind it," Kwest said thoughtfully.

"Jude never hid behind things before," Tommy said.

"But she's not that girl Tommy," Kwest said softly. "Give her time. She'll come around."

"How do you know?" Tommy asked looking at his old friend hopefully. He personally thought the situation would never change and that he'd definitely be out of a job after this album was done.

"It's Jude Tommy," Kwest said standing up. "And it's you. I heard Sadie once say don't get between Jude and Tommy. You'll just get hurt. They choose each other every time."

"That was three years ago," Tommy said feeling his face flush only because he wished that was still true.

"Yeah but I have a feeling that hasn't changed," Kwest said as the studio door flew open. He jumped back as Jude pushed by him.

"Let's record the damn song," she said walking right into the recording room.

Kwest looked at Tommy who shrugged his shoulders. He started setting up the board as he kept one eye on Jude who was running her hands through her hair as she muttered something.

"Well," Kwest said smirking. Jude was turning into a firecracker again and he couldn't wait to see the sparks fly.

"Stay," Tommy said when he saw Kwest getting ready to leave. "Listen and tell me what you think." He was ready and waited until he saw Jude looking at him. He held up his hands as he counted down with his fingers. He finally pointed at her and watched as she took the song on paper to a different level.

Every day I wake up to another day gone by  
Nothing but the open road and the never-ending why  
Anything can happen, yeah, but nothin ever does  
I try to change, it's kinda strange, the same as it ever was, I mean look at us

How do I deal with you  
How do I deal with me  
When I don't even know myself  
Or what it is you want from me  
How do I deal with us  
How do I know what's real  
When I don't even trust myself  
Or what it is I feel  
And how do I deal

Every night, in the dark, I lie awake in bed  
How am I supposed to dream, with all the static in my head  
I turn in all directions and I pray for some relief  
What can I do but feel the weight I'm underneath  
And grit my teeth

How do I deal with you  
How do I deal with me  
When I don't even know myself  
Or what it is you want from me  
How do I deal with love  
(Why do I) Why do I have to choose  
And everybody's tellin me  
What the hell I have to do  
And how do I deal with us  
How do I know what's real (Real)  
When I don't even trust myself  
Or what it is I feel  
Now how do I deal

How do I deal with you (How do I deal with you)  
How do I deal with me  
When I don't even know myself  
Or what it is you want from me  
How do I deal with love (How do I deal)  
Why do I have to choose  
When everybody's tellin me  
What the hell I have to do  
How do I deal with you (How do I deal with you)  
How do I deal with me (How do I deal with me)  
When I don't even know myself  
Or what it is you want from me  
How do I deal with us (How do I know what's real)  
How do I know what's real  
When I don't even trust myself  
Or what it is I feel

How do I deal (How do I deal, yeah)  
How do I deal  
How do I  
How do I  
How do I deal  
How do I  
How do I  
How do I deal with you (How do I deal)

"That was…the best song she's written in a long time," Kwest said shaking his head. He looked at Tommy and smiled. "I'm glad you brought her back from wherever she's been. I could never reach her like you could."

"Excuse me," a voice said from the door.

Tommy turned around and wanted to punch the wall. It shouldn't have surprised him to see Jake Ryan standing in front of him. As soon as something started going right in his life something always had to screw it up. It didn't help that he looked like he stepped out of a magazine article and Tommy looked like he'd spent the night at the studio…which he pretty much had.

"Can I help you?" Tommy finally asked staring the boy down. If he had one thing on his side it was that he belonged in the studio, Jake didn't. "You're interrupting studio time."

"Never mattered before," Jake said talking to Kwest. He had yet to look at Tommy and knew it was pissing him off.

They all turned to look at the recording room door as it opened and Jude walked through it ready to rip into Tommy for not responding to her questions. But she froze when she saw Jake standing in the room and her eyes immediately went to Tommy and she could tell he wasn't happy that Jake was there. What surprised her was how annoyed she was that Jake was there.

"Jake," she said trying to smile but she knew it ended up looking more like a grimace.

"I was going to surprise you with a nice lunch but from the look on your face I shouldn't have," Jake said sounding disappointed but Tommy could see the gleam in his eyes. He was playing the moment trying to make Jude feel guilty even though she was working right now.

"That's not it," Jude said falling into the trap. "I'm just working on an album right now. I told you in my message."

"Yeah in your short message that doesn't explain a whole hell of a lot," Jake said anger beginning to creep into his voice. "Is there something you want to tell me Jude because I'm beginning to think that you don't want to talk to me."

"That's not it," Jude repeated. "You're right, we need to talk but I'm working right now. Why don't you use your key and go to my apartment and I'll be there as soon as I'm done with this song."

"I'd like to talk now," Jake insisted.

"I told you I'm working now," Jude said not backing down. "I don't interrupt your work."

Jake stared at her for a moment before turning and walking out of the room. Jude closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was being a jerk and she hated it. Jake had real feelings for her of some sort, even if she didn't know what exactly they were. She held up a hand when Tommy looked like he was going to say something.

"I'll be back," Jude said before walking out of the room. She reached Jake as he was about to climb back into the limo he had waiting in the parking lot. "I'm sorry Jake."

"So am I," Jake said pausing in the doorway of the limo.

Jude waited until he turned around before she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him softly. "I'm not upset you came but you picked a bad time to want to see me. Darius is pushing for this album, I have to get it done."

"That's the only reason," Jake said looking into her eyes.

"Yes," Jude lied through her teeth. She waited for him to call her on it but he just relaxed and smiled. He kissed her one more time before he climbed into the limo. They'd been together for almost two years and he couldn't even tell when she was lying. That had to say something but what she wasn't sure of.

"So I guess that means Tommy's fair game," Karma said from behind Jude. She was smirking when Jude turned to face the second person in the world she really couldn't stand. Eden being the first.

"Get a life Karma," Jude muttered walking back into G Major.

"But yours is so interesting," Karma said softly looking at the picture she'd taken with her camera phone moments before. If there was one thing she loved doing it was stirring up trouble and she knew a couple tabloids that would love a picture of the happy couple. And if it messed up Jude's life…well that just made it sweeter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everybody!!! Wow, look at me, another update. I'm so good!!!! J/K Well the creative juices have been flowing nicely so I should be updating pretty regularily, hopefully. Knock on wood!!! **

**Is anybody else looking forward to Friday's episode? I am, I want to see Jude fire Tommy only because I'm sure it's going to backfire. She needs Tommy or her life will unravel. So we'll see!1!**

**Disclaimor: I do not own instant star!!!!!!!!!**

* * *

Jude walked out of G Major filled with dread at the thought of going back to her apartment where Jake was waiting. She still had no idea why he'd decided to come to Toronto and why he'd tried to interrupt her studio time. He knew how much getting back into the studio meant to her or at least she thought he did.

She climbed into her Mustang and started the short drive home. She couldn't forget the look in Tommy's eyes when she'd returned from talking to Jake. He'd looked so sad and almost lonely which didn't make sense because Tommy was never lonely. He just had to walk onto a public street and woman would be throwing themselves at him. But he hadn't said a word just watched as she silently walked back into the recording room and then it had been nothing but business after that.

Jude hated hurting Tommy but Jake was her boyfriend. She couldn't have just let him walk away mad even if she wished she had. She didn't want to deal with Jake right now, didn't want to go into any long explanations and explain her past. She wanted a glass of wine and her favorite pajamas. She just wanted to go to sleep.

She pulled into the apartment parking lot and parked her car but didn't turn it off. She stared up at her window that would normally be dark right now but instead had flickering light. Flickering light? What in the hell was he doing up there?

Jude climbed out of her car and pulled her apartment keys out of her bag as she hurried towards the door. If he'd destroyed anything in her apartment she was going to tear him apart limb by limb.

It took her another minute to jog up the steps, there was no way she was waiting for an elevator. She could hear music coming from behind her door and put the key in as she turned the door handle. She walked in but froze in her tracks when she saw her living room.

There were candles everywhere. Every available space had a candle on it. Her CD player had Norah Jones crooning about going away with her. Jake was standing in the middle of her living room holding a single red rose smiling softly as she stood in the doorway with her mouth hanging open.

"Surprise," he said quietly before walking towards her.

"I'd say," Jude said once she found her voice. She closed the door behind her and took the rose from his hands. She didn't know what else to say.

"I could tell you were mad at me before," Jake said taking her hand, pulling her into the living room so she could take a seat by him on the couch. "I know interrupting your recording time was wrong of me but I just had to see you. When Jamie called me and said I should come see you right away I just hopped on a plane without even thinking things through."

"I really wish you would have called first," Jude said but then sighed. "I guess you've already tried that."

"I knew something was wrong when you didn't answer your phone the first ten times," Jake said still holding tight to her hands.

"I just have a lot going on right now," Jude said making excuses. She still didn't want to explain the real reason.

"I'm pretty sure it has to do with your new producer," Jake said surprising her. "But I guess he's not so new is he?"

Jude stared at him in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

"I know about you and Tommy," Jake said after a moment had gone by. "I knew you had a thing for him three years ago and I know he left which broke your heart."

"How?" Jude asked confused.

"I know that's why you self destructed for awhile and why it was so hard for you to give me a chance," Jake went on like she hadn't said anything.

"How?" Jude repeated louder.

"The only thing I don't know is why you are letting him back into your life," Jake said still ignoring her question.

"I've already asked you twice, don't make me ask again," Jude said her voice dangerously low. She didn't like having to repeat herself once let alone twice. He was entering territory he knew nothing about.

"Jamie," Jake said after a moment. "He told me everything."

"When?" Jude asked wishing Jamie was there so she could yell and scream at him.

"Before he introduced us," Jake said.

Jude ripped her hands away and stood up. She started pacing back and forth in the room more angry than she'd been in a long time. "That was none of your business," she muttered but Jake heard her and stood up too.

"None of my business!" he said loudly. "I am your boyfriend, I deserves some sort of explanation for why you've been ignoring me."

"You weren't my boyfriend back then Jake," Jude said turning so she could glare at him. "Back then you didn't deserve anything."

"What about now?" Jake asked holding his arms out at his side. "Now I am your boyfriend and it doesn't take a genius to see you pulling away from me." He walked forward and placed his hands on her shoulders. "I care for you Jude, more than I ever planned on. If this Tommy guy is going to be a problem I deserve to know."

"He's not a problem," Jude said quickly but sighed after she said it. "I don't want him to be one anyways. Yes he meant a lot to me in the past. He was a huge part of my life and I can't give up this chance to make music with him once again."

"So it's only music then," Jake said softly staring into her eyes.

"Yes," Jude said lying once again. She was getting really good at lying to him. Tommy would never just be music to her. She didn't know what he was.

"Then what are we fighting about?" Jake asked slipping back into the easy going guy that he loved to portray to the public. He had an easy smile on his face and pulled Jude back towards the couch. "I set up this romantic setting so we could relax and stay in tonight."

"Actually Jake," Jude said pulling her hand out of his grasp. "I don't feel like having company tonight. I'm really tired and I just want to go to bed."

Jake stood there staring at her before he turned and grabbed his wallet off the coffee table. "Will I see you tomorrow?" he asked without turning to look at her.

"I don't know," Jude said honestly. "I need some space." She hated hurting him and it was obvious he wasn't happy with her right now but she had a lot to process. A lot to work through and she couldn't do it with him sitting right beside her.

"Great," Jake said through clenched teeth. He shook his head as he headed out of her apartment. He had put his feelings out on the table and had them handed back to him in a matter of minutes.

"I'll call you," Jude offered but stepped back when he turned in the doorway with the coldest eyes she'd ever seen from him.

"Sure," he said slamming the door behind him.

Jude sank down onto the couch and put her head in her hands. "I'm a horrible person," she muttered to herself. Jake was mad at her, Tommy was probably not to happy either and she still didn't know what she was going to do.

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Jude walked into G Major the next morning for her morning meeting with Darius. She hadn't slept well the night before and it showed on her face. She had dark circles under eyes, bed head hair and she was wearing ripped up jeans and an old sweatshirt of her dad's. She'd tried to write a song but nothing had clicked and she'd finally put on I Love Lucy reruns.

"Woah," Spied said walking up to her. "You don't look so good Jude."

"Bad night," Jude mumbled walking towards the couch in the middle of G Major's lobby. "Or bad day, it all runs together."

"I saw pretty boy," Spied said referring to Jake.

"Surprise," Jude said sarcastically.

"So you really had no clue he was coming," Spied said shaking his head as he took a seat beside her. "Not a smart move on his part."

"Wasn't his idea," Jude admitted laying her head down on Spied's shoulder. "Seems we have a mutual friend who likes to butt in to my business."

"Oooh, who's the buttinsky?" Spied asked trying to make her laugh but she just gave him a pitiful half smile.

"Jamie," Jude said softly. "I guess he's decided I can't run my own life and I need his help."

"Have to say I didn't see that coming," Spied said after a moment had gone by. He started playing with her hair and added when she didn't say anything. "Did you tell him about Tommy?"

"Didn't have to," Jude said sitting up so she could look at Spied. "Jamie has already filled him in on the romance history of Jude Harrison."

"Wasn't that much of a history anyways," Spied said smiling but leaned away when Jude went to punch him. "Hey, just calling it like I see it."

"You are part of that past you know," Jude pointed out.

"The best part," Spied shot back relaxing now that he had her smiling.

"True," Jude admitted sitting back with a smile on her face. "You know it would be so much easier if I was attracted to you. We get along, you know my many moods and I like your strange sense of humor."

"Sadly we've gone down that road," Spied said shaking his head.

Jude nodded her agreement. "Now I've got one guy who told me flat out he cares about me and wants to be with me."

"Tommy," Spied said shocked.

"No," Jude said ashamed that she wished it had been him instead of Jake. She didn't know what she would do if Tommy had said those words but she still wanted to hear it from him. "It was Pretty Boy. He was mad when I asked him for space."

"I didn't think he cared for anybody but himself," Spied said smiling when Jude chuckled.

"Me either," Jude mumbled. She looked up when she saw Portia calling her name from the main conference room door. "I have to go now. Big meeting with the boss."

"I know," Spied said standing up. "I've been asked to attend since it's about your music video and SME is going to be in it." He followed her into the conference room and saw her freeze when she saw Jake sitting across from Tommy at the table. "What's he doing here?" he asked quietly so only she could hear.

Jude just shrugged her shoulders and walked over to one of the only open seats left. It was beside Jake and she looked at Tommy but he looked away before their eyes could meet. She looked at Kwest who was sitting beside him but he just shook his head. Spied sat down beside Jude and Portia closed the door and took her seat.

"So we start filming the video tomorrow," Darius said from the head of the table.

"That's quick," Tommy said but everybody nodded in agreement.

"There's no reason to wait," Darius pointed out. "It's been a year since anything was released and this song should put her back at number one." He looked at everybody and when nobody said anything he went on. "Now we've gotten many video ideas from people but the best one and the one both Tommy and I agreed on was the one from Marc Thompson." He waited well Portia handed everybody a piece of paper with the synopsis of the video and the time and schedule they had to be there at.

Jude read through the video synopsis once and then reread it slowly the second time. She didn't hate the idea but was curious about a few things. "Who's going to play the guy in the video?"

"You got lucky babe," Jake said smiling. "My schedules clear so I get to play your leading man."

Jude opened her mouth to say something but closed it when she realized everybody was staring at her. She finally just nodded her head but inside she was angry. How in the hell did landing the leading role in her music video give her space? She was quiet for the rest of the meeting and hurried out of the room once Darius excused everybody. She didn't want to talk to Jake or Tommy.

"Jude," Patsy said walking out of Jamie's office. "Woah girl, love the look."

Jude rolled her eyes. "I look like crap," she said shaking her head.

"There's nothing wrong with looking like crap once in awhile," Patsy pointed out. She looked behind Jude and her eyes opened wide. "I heard he was back but didn't believe it 'til now. How are you-damn, Pretty boy's here too! Your life is a soap opera Jude."

Jude turned and saw Jake walking behind Kwest and Tommy who were both doing there best to ignore the guy. "I know and I hate it. Now I get to go write another song with Tommy when I'd rather be doing anything else."

"Sounds like you need a break," Patsy said crossing her arms over her chest.

"Need one, yes. Going to get one, no," Jude said knowing she was whining but she didn't care. She was exhausted.

"How 'bout a night out with the exec and me," Patsy said motioning towards Jamie's office.

"Night out with you sounds great," Jude said. "Night out with Jamie will probably end with yelling and bloodshed."

"I'm sensing a story behind that," Patsy said nodding. "Okay, night out with just the girls. I'll meet you at the bar at nine."

"Sounds great," Jude said before heading towards the studio. A night out with Patsy would definitely take her mind off of her current problem. Which was the two guys standing in front of the door having a stare off. Why couldn't her life go the way she wanted it to for one day?

**Please review, it makes my day to read what you think. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey everybody!!!! Wow, this chapter is long but I loved writing it. Lets just say, Drunk Jude. That's all I'm saying. Well, it wasn't an easy chapter to write but one of my favorites for sure. Thank you for all the reviews, they mean so much to me. **

**Who almost cried when Jude fired Tommy? Nobody...must only be me then. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star. I do own Tim Rozon. J/K I wish!!!!**

Jude walked past Tommy and Jake into the studio where she fell down onto the couch. She was yawning as Tommy walked in, shutting the door behind him. He took one look at her and sat down in his chair facing the couch.

"Do you have anything ready to record?" Tommy asked when Jude didn't say anything.

"Huh," Jude said staring at him but she didn't really see him.

"Jude," Tommy said shaking his head.

"Sorry," Jude said sitting up. "It was a long night."

"TMI," Tommy said picturing her with Jake.

"I spent it alone," Jude said rolling her eyes. When Tommy stared at her in surprise she shrugged her shoulders. "Jake left shortly after I got there. You must remember my Dad Tommy, he'd kill the guy who dared spend the night with me without a marriage license."

"I guess," Tommy said still surprised. According to the papers and everybody at G Major they were the hot new couple.

"I don't know what people have been telling you," Jude said breaking into his musings. "But I do know G Major hasn't changed that much since you've been gone, it still holds some of the biggest gossips I know." Jude sighed before continuing. "But we're not…I mean…we're just…"

"Just friends," Tommy supplied hopefully. He'd been in the public eye enough to know that they could make a big deal out of nothing.

"No," Jude admitted softly. "We're more than friends."

"Oh," Tommy said nodding his head. He should have known that the media may make a big deal out of nothing but Kwest and Sadie both told him she had a boyfriend. What reason would they have to lie?

"Jake is a good guy Tommy," Jude said honestly.

"I'm glad Jude," Tommy said his heart breaking. He'd come back determined to get his life back. Determined to get Jude back. He'd felt so lost the last three years, like he'd been living somebody else's life. But maybe it the old saying was true, you can't ever go back. "You deserve a good guy Jude."

"I know," Jude said softly staring at him thoughtfully. She would have thought he'd argue, yell, at least say something against Jake. The old Tommy would have.

"Why don't you start while I go get us some coffee," Tommy said standing up.

Jude watched him leave the studio as she did what he said. She pulled her journal out of her bag and opened it to a blank page. She stared at it for a moment before throwing it across the room. She didn't want to write a song right now. She didn't want to be at the studio right now. She didn't want to deal with Jake tomorrow. She didn't want to have dinner with her Mom tomorrow night. She didn't want to do anything except curl up and go to sleep.

Jude looked around before laying down, using her arms for a pillow. She closed her eyes and was out before she knew it. That's how Tommy found her ten minutes later.

He'd stood in the break room listening to SME talk about some movie they'd watched the night before. Basically he'd been putting off going back to the studio to listen to Jude write a love song to her great boyfriend. Coming back to G Major was turning out to be a bad idea. A really bad idea.

But looking at her now, sound asleep, snoring away on the old ratty couch, he smiled. She was beautiful and there was no way he could of stayed away. Even if he hadn't come now, years from now, he would have come back.

Jude was in his heart. He'd been lost in Montana, alive but barely living. His days had been spent with his sister Juliet and his niece Maria, and his nights alone in the house he'd bought shortly after moving there. He'd only planned on being there a month or two but the car accident had taken a toll on his sister. It had been a year before she could finally handle things on her own but he stayed. Jude had just started dating Jake and Maria and him had become close.

Two more years had passed before he realized how lonely his life had become. Before he'd had a purpose, a job, a girl he'd come to love. Now he had a sister and a niece who didn't really need him but enjoyed his company.

Jude muttered something in her sleep and turned over Tommy sighed. He should wake her up so they could get to work but she looked so peaceful and he knew she hadn't been sleeping that well. He stood up to leave, wanting her to rest peacefully but paused when he saw her journal laying across the room.

He walked over and picked up, glancing back at Jude making sure she was still sleeping. He flipped through it and saw many songs started but none finished. He spotted a part of one song that stood out from the rest.

_Every road that I've been down  
The only truth that I have found  
There's only one thing I fear I can't live without  
It's You_

The rest of the song was crossed out but that one part was circled. Tommy looked at Jude one last time before he picked up her pen and sat back down in his chair. He didn't know who the song was written for, if anybody at all. But he was going to finish it for her.

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Jude walked into The Bar that evening her head still fuzzy from having slept the day away in the studio. She still couldn't believe that Tommy had let her sleep all day and he'd just sat there. She really hoped he hadn't been staring at her, she'd woken up with drool on her arm; and she so hoped she hadn't snored, she only did when she was really exhausted.

She grimaced when she remembered how he'd looked sitting in the chair when she'd woken up. He'd been staring thoughtfully down at something in his lap but she hadn't stuck around long enough to find out what it was. She'd stood up quickly and as she grabbed her bag, mumbled something about plans and ran out of the studio.

Jude looked around and smiled as she saw Patsy sitting at their usual table in the back of the place. The Bar wasn't much, it was in fact, a craphole, as Jamie called it. But Jude and Patsy loved it. The people who frequented it didn't care that she was famous and left her alone. Plus with the name The Bar, people tended to overlook it.

"So how was work?" Patsy asked as Jude sat down. She'd already been there for half an hour and was on her second drink.

"I wouldn't know," Jude said nodding at the bartender so he knew she wanted her usual. "I slept all day."

"You needed it," Patsy said smiling sweetly.

"Thanks," Jude said rolling her eyes.

"So what did Jamie do now?" Patsy asked curiously. She'd tried figuring it out on her own by asking Jamie himself but he had no idea why Jude was mad at him. She hadn't even told him she was mad at him.

"He's a buttinsky," Jude muttered glaring down at the beer the bartender set down in front of her.

"That reeks of Spied," Patsy said referring to the term buttinsky.

"Jamie just had to go in and butt into my business," Jude said sitting back in her chair. "I mean, I know I was going to have to call Jake eventually and actually talk to him, not his voicemail but it was none of his business to go ahead and call him and tell him to get to Toronto." When Patsy just stared at her she sighed. "Jamie called Jake and told him to get to Toronto."

"No I got what you said," Patsy said shaking her head. "I just don't understand why you're so angry he did it."

"You don't get it," Jude said slowly.

"You said it yourself, you were going to go call him yourself eventually, Jamie just beat you to it," Patsy said shrugging her shoulders.

"It was none of his business though," Jude said still angry.

"I agree with you on that," Patsy said finishing her drink. "But that still doesn't explain why tonight would have ended with tears and bloodshed had he come along."

"He also told Jake all about Tommy and my feelings towards him before he introduced us to each other," Jude said raising one eyebrow when Patsy sat up.

"He did what," Patsy said surprised.

"He told Jake all about my relationship with Tommy, or well, lack thereof," Jude said hurt shining through the anger. "But what bothers me about that is what the hell did he tell him exactly. Jamie knows next to nothing about Tommy and how I feel towards him and what happened between us. I've never told him."

"He was out of line to do that," Patsy admitted softly. She loved Jamie which still surprised the hell out of her every day. But she hadn't been with him for almost four years without accepting his bonehead moments. "But he was only trying to…well…I'm not sure why he told him."

"Exactly," Jude said slapping her hand down on the table.

"Is this a party for two or can anybody join?" Karma asked sitting down between Patsy and Jude. She grimaced as she looked around at the regulars who Patsy called her friends. "Could this place be any more disgusting?"

"Nobody invited you," Patsy said but she was looking at Sadie who was walking towards the table carrying a drink that she set in front of Karma.

"Thanks doll," Karma said before wiping the lip of the glass with a napkin before taking a drink.

Sadie stared at Jude's face as she sat down. "Karma said we were invited." When Jude snorted and Patsy stood up and walked away, she sighed. "I take it we weren't."

"Believe me, it's not you," Jude said smiling at her sister. She turned her head and glared at Karma, making it clear who wasn't welcome at the table.

"Ooh," Karma said making a face but she didn't get up and walk away.

"So why did you need a girl's night?" Sadie asked looking around at the patrons as she asked. She'd been here before but it wasn't her favorite hang out. She'd much rather be at the trendier clubs in the area than a dive like The Bar.

"Guys suck," Jude said staring into her empty glass.

"Didn't look like you thought Jake sucked when you were kissing him yesterday," Karma commented earning another glare.

"Go away," Jude said when Karma just smiled at her.

"No can do," Karma said making herself even more comfortable. "This is a girl's night and it wouldn't be the same without me."

"You mean better," Jude muttered making Patsy laugh as she carried a tray of shots back to the table.

"I can't," Sadie said when Patsy offered her one.

"Bun in the oven," Karma said rolling her eyes. She would never understand why someone as young as Sadie would tie herself down with one kid let alone two kids. Being in your twenties was about partying and having a good time. Not changing diapers and cleaning up vomit. Actually, there was never a good time for either of those things.

"Congrats," Patsy said waiting 'til Karma and Jude both held up a shot. "To having only intelligent conversations tonight."

"Some of us," Jude said smiling when it was Karma's turn to glare at her. "Did I say you?" Jude quickly picked up another shot and held it up. "To no guys!"

"To being hot, sexy woman," Karma said but than added. "Well, some of us anyways."

Jude rolled her eyes. "That was weak Karma," she said shaking her head after the shot.

"So what do you want to do tonight?" Patsy asked once the tray of shots were gone and the toasts became really pathetic. Nobody ever toasted Rusty the bouncer, he looked just like his name sounded.

"I want to give the world the middle finger," Jude said her head spinning from all the shots. She motioned for another drink from the bartender. Tonight was a night for getting drunk and having no limitations.

"So do it," Karma said standing up but she had to grab onto the back of her chair. "You care to much what people think of you."

"It's my job," Jude said softly but Karma heard her anyway.

"No it's not," she insisted shaking her head. "Your job is to write amazing music and perform your ass off onstage. Where does it say you have to live a lily white existence and be boring."

"I'm not boring," Jude said getting angry.

"Uh..yeah you are," Karma said walking away towards the Jukebox.

"I'm not boring," Jude said looking at Patsy who was talking to Sadie. "Am I?"

"A little," Patsy said hating to agree with Karma but she was right and Patsy was always brutally honest.

Jude turned to Sadie who was biting a lip looking down at the table. "Sade's?" Jude asked.

"Don't hate me," Sadie said nodding her agreement with Patsy and Karma. "You have become G Major's little golden child."

"No," Patsy said shaking her head. "It's more of a puppet, with Darius holding the strings."

Jude stared at the two of them and stood up quickly. She made her way towards the small stage that held a guitar, banjo, drum set and keyboards. The Bar had live bands come in and play, Jude and Patsy had both put in an appearance before.

"Jude," Sadie said getting up to follow her sister. "What are you doing?"

"Showing you I'm not a puppet," Jude said picking up the banjo. Karma and Patsy slowly joined them by the stage. "I'm not boring and I know just the way to prove it."

"By joining a country band?" Karma asked staring at the banjo in Jude's arms.

"No!" Jude said loudly but then looked down at the instrument in her hands. She put it back quickly and picked up the guitar.

"What exactly are you doing?" Patsy asked sitting down on a table by the stage.

"Writing a song," Jude said strumming the guitar fining the right chords to fit in with her mood.

"You badass you," Karma said rolling her eyes but she sat down on a chair by the stage.

"That's my cue to go," Sadie said smiling at the three of them. They were all well on their way to being drunk, if not there already. She couldn't wait to rub their hangovers in their faces tomorrow. "Time to pay the babysitter." When they didn't even acknowledge what she was saying she rolled her eyes. "Bye Sadie, drive home safely," she said sarcastically.

"I like the way that sounds," Jude said playing it again.

Patsy took the guitar from her. "Play it more like this." She played the same thing with more of an edge and Jude started nodding. She walked over to her bag, digging for her journal but swore when it wasn't there.

"I forgot it at the studio," Jude said walking back over to Patsy and Karma.

"Forgot what?" Karma asked confused.

"My journal," Jude said sitting down on the stage.

"So we'll use napkins," Patsy said pulling some from the dispenser offered on the table. Jude looked down at the napkins but just shrugged her shoulders. Soon they were all sitting down around the table. The puppet, the misfit and the fake, writing one song together.

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"Thanks Babe," Kwest said into his cell phone. "I'll be home in a few." He looked over at Tommy who was scowling into a tabloid magazine. "Or a little longer than that. Bye."

"She kissed him," Tommy said staring at the photograph of Jake and Jude kissing. "She left here after singing our song and kissed him."

"What grade are we in?" Kwest asked shaking his head. "Tommy, he's her boyfriend. Of course she's going to kiss him."

"She didn't call him her boyfriend," Tommy muttered closing the magazine.

"I have no idea what you are talking about but it doesn't matter," Kwest said standing up. "Sadie said the babysitter just left and she's getting ready for bed. I have a ten minute drive ahead of me and then I can snuggle up with my wife. Bye Tommy." He headed for the door but he backed up as the door opened and three extremely drunk girls walked in. "Or maybe I'm staying."

"What!" Tommy said loudly standing up when he saw Jude standing in front of him.

"You're here," Jude said surprised.

"Yeah," Tommy said looking at Patsy who was the only one that looked like they should be walking and talking at the same time. "What are you doing here Jude? And drunk?"

"I have to record a song," Jude said tossing her bag and jacket on the floor.

"Maybe you should wait until you're sober," Kwest commented from the sidelines.

"Then fun Jude goes away," Karma said pouting as she sat down on the couch. Had she been sober she wouldn't be caught dead saying anything remotely like that.

"I'm recording it now," Jude insisted weaving her way towards the recording room door. Patsy sat down beside Karma and leaned back ready to watch the sparks fly.

Tommy looked at Kwest but he was no help. He just shrugged his shoulders and leaned back against the wall ready to watch what Drunk Jude had to say. Tommy sighed but set the board up ready to record whatever drunken ramblings Jude thought she had to get out tonight.

"Ready?" Tommy asked Jude who had just put the headphones on her head. Jude nodded and listened as Tommy counted down.

_If I could smoke a cigarette right now I would  
rip out of my skin commit the sins oh I could  
if I could break a heart and throw it all away for just one night  
my conscience wouldn't care if I just went ahead and wrecked my life _

I want to be destructive  
trash everything in site  
beat the Devil at his game  
abuse myself all night  
I want to bitch the world out  
one loud aching scream  
don't want anybody wanting anything from me

I'm sick of being perfect with your perfect little smile  
pick a fight with danger be a stranger to myself for a while  
I want to come unraveled and have it out with my soul  
I'm tired of all the voices telling me which way to go  
I wish you'd silence your opinion  
that's the last thing that I want to know

_I want to be destructive  
trash everything in site  
beat the Devil at his game  
abuse myself all night  
I want to bitch the world out  
one loud aching scream  
don't want anybody wanting anything from me _

I'll fell better when I'm sane  
but now I want to feel no pain  
I'm really sick of thinking  
I just want to be destructive

I want to be destructive  
trash everything in site  
beat the Devil at his game  
abuse myself all night  
I want to bitch the world out  
one loud aching scream  
don't want anybody wanting anything from me

Tommy turned to Kwest who looked surprised. The song had been good, more than good, great. Sure there were the few pitch problems and she had been off the beat at parts but for the most part, she had done a good job. Being drunk really worked for her.

"That was good," Kwest said finally when it looked like nobody else was going to say anything.

"It was better than good," Tommy admitted. He stared at Jude who was still sitting on the stool strumming the music for the song. Before she'd walked in the room he'd been upset and just looking at her made him feel better. He didn't know what her relationship was with the overpaid actor. But he wasn't ready to throw in his towel quite yet. If that song was anything to go by, Jude wasn't happy with her life right now and hadn't been for quite some time.


	9. Chapter 9

**SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY!!! Once again I am so SORRY! I didn't fall off the face of the Earth, I've just had the worst case of writer's block. I can't write anything. I still don't know how I feel about this chapter but I think it's finally okay. Please let me know what you think. **

**Oh and good luck Jommy tonight!!! I hope she picks Tommy!!!! **

"Are you sure you got her?" Kwest asked Tommy gesturing towards Jude who was leaning against Tommy's car. She was singing a song but neither Kwest nor Tommy could figure out what song it was.

"Yeah I'll be fine," Tommy said helping Karma into Kwest's car. "You've got two to handle, will you be okay?"

Kwest just nodded and climbed in the driver's side of his jeep. Tommy stood there for a moment, looking at Jude who hadn't noticed his stare yet. He couldn't call her beautiful at this moment smelling like a bottle of tequila and her singing made him want to plug his ears. But she was still mesmerizing and he could have stood there staring at her for the rest of the night. He would gladly take care of her drunk every day of the week if he just got to be with her. There was no way he would have let Kwest take her home, he didn't know how much time he had left with her, he wanted to bask in every minute.

"Lets get you in the car," Tommy said placing his hand in her lower back, nudging her towards the passenger side of the car. She went willingly and was sitting, buckled in less than a minute.

Tommy took a deep breath before he got in the car and started it. Liar Liar started playing from the speakers and Tommy knew his face was flushing as he quickly shut it off. "Sorry," he mumbled turning the key in the ignition.

"Can we listen to it?" Jude asked surprising him once again. He silently turned the stereo back on and started the song over.

"I haven't listened to this song in forever," Jude said softly. She was trying to sing along but she was off the melody and out of tune. "Did you know this was my favorite song?"

"Really?" Tommy said amazed to find his hands were sweating. He was eight years older than this girl but she still made him feel like an eighth grader with a crush. He was use to being smooth and confident but he couldn't be that way with Jude. He didn't know where he stood with her anymore.

"I don't think I told anybody that," Jude said staring out her window. "That was my favorite memory of working on a song with you. I felt so close to you at that moment which was funny because I was bashing you and all the men in my life."

"I felt close to you too," Tommy said afraid to say too much. This was the closest they had gotten to discussing the past and their feelings towards one another. He didn't want to say anything to make her stop.

"That was my favorite birthday," Jude said remembering. It was nice to just say what popped into her head, she was sick of censoring everything. She was sure she'd wake up the next morning full of regrets but at this moment, she didn't care anymore.

"It was one of the best nights of my life," Tommy admitted turning into the parking lot of Jude's apartment. He pulled into a visitor's parking spot and looked up at the building.

"Home sweet home," Jude mumbled trying to unlatch her seat belt but nothing was working. "Help," she said pitifully sticking her lower lip out. Tommy leaned over the center console and pushed the seatbelt release button but neither made a move to climb out of the car.

"I don't know if Darius told you but…" Tommy started to say but paused. He didn't know if he should tell her now or wait until she was sober. Finally he just said it determined not to keep things from her anymore. "I'm going to be moving in here this week."

"Oh," Jude said positive she should be protesting or saying something about how that might not be the best idea. Instead she held out a hand and waited until he took and said, "hi neighbor."

Tommy shook his head, she probably wouldn't even remember that he'd told her but at least his conscious was free at this moment. He climbed out of the car and hurried around to finish helping her out of her seat. Soon they were walking up the walkway towards the apartment entrance.

"Where's Patsy?" Jude asked looking around just noticing that her friend was nowhere to be found.

"Kwest took Karma and Patsy home," Tommy explained pulling her set of keys out of her bag. Soon he had them both in the elevator climbing to her floor. He caught her when she started falling. She laid her head down on his chest and closed her eyes and Tommy looked up at the roof of the elevator and started counting to ten. Holding her this close was maddening, he wanted to wrap his arms around her and never let go. "Here we go," he said relieved when the elevator doors opened.

Tommy walked into Jude's apartment, half carrying her since she could barely walk in a straight line. "Uh Jude…"

"Yeah," Jude mumbled softly.

"Do you sleep on the couch or do you have a room?" Tommy asked stopping in the living room.

"Oh," Jude said pulling away. She looked around the room but blinked in confusion. "When'd we get here?"

Tommy smiled as he watched her stare at her apartment. "Just a minute ago, we walked here from the elevator."

"Oh," Jude said before turning to walk down the hallway between the kitchen and living room. Tommy stood in the living room before following her. He smiled when he saw her sprawled across her bed.

"Jude," Tommy said softly walking across the room so he was standing beside the bed. He smiled when she just raised a hand but it fell back down as she sighed. He looked around the room but with the lights off and only the moonlight shining the window he couldn't really see anything.

Tommy sighed as he bent over Jude and took off her shoes. If he remembered his last drunken night, which was awhile ago, comfort is a must. She would be uncomfortable enough in the morning with the pounding headache and nausea. On top of that she had to record her music video tomorrow and a family dinner. Tommy finished tucking her in and setting her alarm so she wouldn't be late tomorrow. He stepped back and smiled when he heard her softly snoring. He turned to leave the room but whipped back around and stalked towards the bed. He leaned down and softly placed a chaste kiss on her lips and then left.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"That's a wrap!" Marc Thompson's yelled getting cheers from everybody. It had been a long day but they'd finally finished.

"Thank God," Jude said a few minutes later as she finally broke away from the crew. She walked into the makeup trailer and laid down on the couch. Her head was still pounding and she must have taken ten aspirin already but she wanted to take two more.

"Jude we've got less than an hour," Jake said from the doorway.

"Less than an hour for what?" Jude asked confused.

"Dinner at your sisters," Jake said looking in the mirror to check his hair. "I talked to her yesterday and told her we'd be there. I'm finally going to get to meet your Mom." He smiled one last time before leaning down and kissing her.

Jude watched him leave the trailer and wanted to scream. The only thing stopping her was the fact that her head would probably split in two. She'd told Sadie more than once she was not going to dinner tonight. So of course she'd ask Jake who'd never turn down a dinner invitation with Jude's family, that would be rude.

"Whoa," Spied said walking into the trailer. "Somebody doesn't look too happy."

"I'm just thinking of all the ways I could kill my sister," Jude said glaring off into space. "So far I'm at 16 but I'm sure I can come up with more."

"What'd Sadie do?" Spied asked curiously. He started rubbing off the makeup that they'd caked on him earlier. He hated having to wear makeup.

"She asked Jake if we'd go to dinner tonight," Jude said sitting up. She had to remove her makeup and change clothes. Plus she now had a dinner to get ready for. What did one wear to a dinner that would have subtly placed insults, uncomfortable silence and would end with Jude eating a bottle of Tums. She just loved family dinners with her Mom.

"That witch," Spied said smiling when Jude stuck her tongue out at him.

"A dinner that also includes my Mom," Jude added and felt vindicated when Spied turned to face her.

"God Jude…I'm sorry," Spied said shaking his head. "Jake said no though right?"

"Nope," Jude said scrubbing her face. "He said yes so now I have to go. If I don't show up now I'll never hear the end of it." She sighed as she looked at the makeup smeared across her face. "So now I'm hung-over, tired and about to sit through a dinner from hell."

"Sorry," Spied said wishing he could do something to help her out. He knew about parents who weren't around much but he knew nothing about being abandoned.

Jude didn't say anything as she finished cleaning her face. She started pulling pins out of her hair when Kwest climbed into the trailer too. "You can tell your wife that she's dead."

"I think I'll leave that to you," Kwest said smiling. He had learned early on in his relationship with Sadie that he never got involved in their sisterly fights. He usually ended up sleeping on the couch. "Darius needs you Jude."

"Great," Jude said rolling her eyes. She ran her fingers through her hair as she left the trailer. She'd just given a music video that went against her musical integrity but she'd shut her mouth and performed. What more could he ask from her? She found him talking on his cell phone by his car and waited impatiently for him to finish his conversation. "You sent for me."

Darius put his phone back in his pocket and stared down at his number one artist. The only Instant Star that could hold that title proudly. "You have an interview tomorrow and a performance."

"Where?" Jude asked wearily. She wished she could just have a day where she could sleep.

"Behind the Mic," Darius said shaking his head. "I think you should go home and get some rest."

"Can't," Jude said shaking her head. "I have a family dinner tonight." She turned and walked away and saw Jake standing beside her car, waiting for her. She groaned as she climbed into the passenger seat. "Lets get this over with," she muttered as he pulled out onto the street.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I hate you," Jude said as she walked passed Sadie into the house.

"No you don't," Sadie disagreed.

"Wanna bet," Jude mumbled as she listened to Jake woo her sister. He was always good at impressing her family.

"Everybody's in the living room," Sadie said leading the way.

Jude made sure she was the last one to walk into the room and watched as Jake was introduced to Victoria. He held her hand comfortably and smiled. He said the right things and Jude snorted when her Mom lost the aloofness and smiled at him. Jake had already won her over. Too bad he was winning any points with Jude. Impressing Victoria was not high on her list of things to do…ever.

"They've never met?" Tommy asked walking up to her.

"Nope," she said feeling her face flush. She hadn't spoken a word to him since the night before. "Listen…I'm sorry about last night."

"It's okay," Tommy said smiling. "I've had my share of drunken nights." He took another sip of his drink before adding, "thought I've never written and recorded a song while drunk."

Jude covered her face with her hands. "I know!" she cried embarrassed. "I was just venting and I never should have gone to the studio. But with Patsy there…she can talk me into anything."

"It's okay Jude," Tommy said smiling at her. "The song was actually good, real good. We just need to record it again when you can actually sing it in the right key with the right notes."

"It's that bad," Jude said making a face.

"Just a little," Tommy said holding his thumb and pointer finger apart with little distance between them.

"Excuse me Mr. Quincy," Jake said interrupting them. He wrapped his arm around Jude and started pulling her away. "I need to borrow my girl here." Jude rolled her eyes, Jake was becoming quite annoying with all the possessive crap he'd never pulled before now.

"Jude," Victoria said nodding her head. There was no embrace, no handshake, not even a smile graced her lips.

"Mother," Jude said standing stiffly by Jake's side.

"Jude," Don said leaning forward. Jude took a step back which took her out of Jake's embrace. She didn't know what he'd planned to do shake her hand or hug her but either way, she wouldn't allow it.

"Your Mom was just telling me that she hasn't seen you in over a year," Jake said shaking his head in surprise.

"That's right," Jude agreed before turning to pour herself a drink.

"Jude," Sadie said walking up so she was standing beside her. "Can't you just not act like a…"

"Like a what Sadie?" Jude asked taking a gulp of the brandy she'd just poured. She hated strong alcohol but she needed some liquid courage to make it through the night.

"You know what," Sadie whispered angrily.

"You asked me to come Sadie," Jude said shrugging her shoulders. "I told you no but then you went ahead and asked Jake who you knew wouldn't say no. You went behind my back to get me here. I'm going to act the way I feel." Jude watched as Sadie sighed and nodded her head. "Now I'm tired and I've had a long day. Can we just get this dinner over with."

"Time to eat," Sadie said finally turning to smile at everybody.

Jude stood in place as everybody started filing into the dining room. She was just about to finish her drink off when Tommy took it out of her hands. She stared up at him and watched as he dumped it into one of Sadie's house plants.

"You don't need that," Tommy said handing her glass back.

"Shows what you know," Jude said sadly.

"Don't drink away the anger Jude," Tommy said softly. "Don't drink away the hurt and the pain." Tommy took her hand and led her into the dining room. Jude looked at the seating arrangements but sighed in relief when she saw that she would be seated between Jake and Tommy. At least the night wouldn't be a total bust, she would be able to have a decent conversation with Tommy.

"So Jude, I hear you're back in the studio," Don said after everybody had sat down and started helping themselves.

"Yeah," Jude said looking at Kwest and Sadie who were staring at their plate.

"Sadie did you get that new lotion I sent you?" Victoria asked changing the subject.

From then it jumped from what countries Don and Victoria had seen since they'd been together, Sadie's pregnancy and how Marissa was doing. Jude looked around the table and wondered where her favorite niece was.

"Where is Marissa?" Jude asked confused.

"Um…we decided it should be an adult's only dinner," Kwest said which made Jude roll her eyes.

"You decided," she said sarcastically.

"What does that mean?" Victoria asked glaring at her youngest daughter.

"I meant, they didn't decide," Jude said honestly. She put her fork down and pushed her plate away. She wasn't hungry for whatever chicken dish Sadie had decided to serve. It was another healthy recipe from their mom who had recently decided they weren't eating healthy enough. Jude wanted to know how she could possibly know how they were eating from five thousand miles away.

"I thought it would be nice to have a quiet meal with polite conversation," Victoria said also putting her fork down. "I should have guessed that would never happen."

"Why because I'm here?" Jude asked standing up.

"We always seem to end up in a shouting match which only happens when you're here," Victoria said leaning back in her chair.

Jude sighed. "I knew I shouldn't have come. This is how it always is between us. We just don't get along."

"Jude-" Jake said putting his hand on her.

"No, I'm done," Jude said shaking her head. "I have better things to do."

"That's right," Victoria said standing up and following her daughter into the living room. "Because you're the only person who matters."

"That's not what I said," Jude said walking faster.

"But it's what you meant," Victoria continued.

"Why don't you just go Mom," Jude said grabbing her bag. "It's what your good at."

"I only left because you didn't need me anymore," Victoria said crossing her arms over her chest. "I woke up one morning and realized my baby had a record contract and she listened to her producer more than she listened to me. That she listened to her lying cheating of a father more than she listened to me."

"Keep telling yourself that Mom," Jude said shaking her head. "But the truth is you left because Dad hurt you. You felt rejected and hurt so when a nice rich guy started showering you with attention, you lapped it up."

"Was that so wrong?" she asked throwing her hands up in the air.

"No," Jude said honestly. "But what is wrong is leaving behind your kids. I needed you Mom. I've needed you so many times over the past three years that I can't even begin to count them."

"What do you want me to say?" her mom finally asked.

"Nothing," Jude said sadly. "Not a damn thing." She turned and walked out of the house.

"Jude," Jake said having witnessed the whole fight. He followed her out to her car and put his hands on his hips. "Don't leave."

"Why?" Jude asked trying to fit her key into the lock but it wouldn't go in.

"Don't leave like this," he said taking the keys from her hand. "Go back inside and face your Mom. Whatever feud you two have going on is ridiculous. Grow up and deal with it."

"Are you kidding me?" Jude asked staring at her so called boyfriend like he'd grown two heads.

"Jude," Tommy said walking up to them. "Need a ride."

Jude looked at Tommy and then at Jake. She took a deep breath and nodded. "I need to get out of here." She climbed into Tommy's rental and didn't look at Jake again. She knew that leaving with Tommy was probably not the smartest thing for her to be doing. But she couldn't handle her Mom with the day she'd already had. She just needed a break.


	10. Chapter 10

**I am so so so sorry once again for taking so long to update! But I've already started working on the next chapter after this one so I should hopefully update again this weekend. I really liked this chapter so hopefully you'll feel the same way.**

Tommy pulled away from Jude's old house and looked into his rearview mirror as Jake grew smaller and smaller. He wanted to smirk and make a sarcastic comment but t he glanced at Jude out of the corner of his eyes and wished he'd got her out of there sooner.

She was shuddering, probably from the after effects of dealing with her mom. She was breathing really shallow and was clenching her hands so tightly her knuckles were white.

"Jude…" Tommy said softly. He didn't know what exactly he should say and when he didn't get an answer he sighed. He didn't know where she wanted to go but ended up taking her back to her apartment complex. He shut the car off and climbed out of the car. He opened the passenger door and was surprised to find she hadn't moved at all. She was just staring blankly out the windshield.

"Jude, we're here," Tommy said stroking her arm gently. He reached over and unbuckled her seatbelt with his other hand. He froze when she grabbed his wrist suddenly and broke out of her dead stare.

Jude closed her eyes as she turned her head to stare at Tommy. If you would have told her a year ago that Tommy would be the one to rescue her from another blow out with her mom she would have called you crazy. Hell, a month ago she would have laughed. But tonight as she stared into his eyes, she couldn't imagine anyone else being there for her.

She took the hand he offered and climbed out of the car. She took her first look at where he'd taken her and it was her turn to freeze. She couldn't go to her apartment. It was the first place everybody would look and she didn't want anybody to find her.

"Tommy I can't," Jude said shaking her head. She watched as he realized why she couldn't go home and he pulled the keys back out of his pocket. "But we could go to your…apartment." When Tommy just stared at her she hurried to add. "We don't have to but I just…I don't want to be alone."

Tommy smiled and gently took her hand. He didn't think this was the best idea in the world but he also knew he couldn't deny her anything when she looked at him that way.

It took less than five minutes for them to reach his apartment. It had almost the exact same layout as Jude's apartment but he had almost no furniture. All he had was a chair in the living room area, a small table and two chairs in the kitchen, and a keyboard against the one wall.

"Sorry but I just stared moving in," Tommy said sheepishly.

Jude just nodded and slowly walked into the apartment. There wasn't anything to look at, no pictures or paintings on the walls. She looked at the chair but it was one of those chairs that was just built for a man. She saw the blanket on the back of the chair and grabbed it so she could spread it out on the floor.

Tommy watched her as she finished laying the blanket out and then took her shoes off as she sat down cross legged on one side. She finally looked at him and patted the blanket beside her. Tommy toed his shoes off as he sat down beside her.

"Thanks for getting me out of there," Jude said quietly staring at her hands in her lap.

"No problem," Tommy said honestly.

"I shouldn't have gone," she admitted shaking her head at her own stupidity. "I told Sadie no because I knew how badly it would end."

Tommy looked at Jude as he said, "I never realized how bad your relationship was with your Mom. I remember how angry you were but three years is a long time."

Jude looked at Tommy but he wasn't talking condescendingly but just speaking the truth. "It is but I think it has been brewing on her end long before she finally left." Jude felt him get up before she saw him walk into the kitchen. She smiled when she saw him carrying the carton of ice cream with two spoons.

"Somebody once told me that chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream was the cure of all for everything," he said as he sat back down.

"Two spoons," Jude said taking the carton and one spoon out of his hands. "You actually think I'm going to share."

Tommy smiled as he watched her dig in to the ice cream. He honestly didn't care if he never ate a bite, as long as she made that cute sound in the back of her throat after every bite.

"I can't believe you remembered which ice cream I eat," Jude said after the silence finally got to her.

"I remember everything," Tommy said seriously. When she looked ready to run away from him he grabbed her arm before she could bolt. "I'm not saying that to scare you or to ask anything from you. I'm saying it because it's the truth. I could never forget anything from the time I spent with you." Tommy let go of her when she slowly started to relax. He smiled sadly as he leaned back so he was leaning on his arms. "Truthfully, the years I spent with you were probably the happiest years of my life."

Jude looked down so she was staring into the ice cream carton. She wasn't sure how she should react to his last statement. A part of her wanted to smile and be happy that he'd never forgotten her and was happiest when he remembered them. But another part of her was terrified of being happy. Of letting him back in even that much because the one thing she remembered about Tommy was how he would offer everything she'd ever wanted and then rip it away in the next moment.

"I know you don't believe me," Tommy went on when she didn't say anything. "I can't really blame you for that."

"I want to believe you," Jude admitted quietly looking up at him. "But every time I believe in you…I get my heart broken."

"I'm not that same guy anymore," Tommy said staring into her eyes. He wasn't going to hide from her, not anymore. He had a past that wasn't pretty and a future that looked empty and bleak.

"Prove it," Jude said after another minute had gone by. "Where'd you go Tommy?"

Tommy stared at her in shock. He'd wanted to tell her since the moment he'd saw her sitting in their studio but had known his explanation wouldn't have been welcome. But now she was ready to listen.

"You have to know I didn't want to leave," Tommy started off saying what he should have said when he'd left. Instead like an idiot he'd just said he was leaving and he didn't know if he'd be coming back.

"But you did," Jude pointed out glumly. She didn't like remembering that night or the year after that.

"I had too," Tommy said sighing when she rolled her eyes. He knew she didn't understand now but hopefully when he was done she'd understand a little more. "That guy you saw me with that night was my Father's attorney. Thomas, my Father, sent for me because my sister had been in an accident. A bad accident, they were sure she wouldn't make it."

"I'm sorry," Jude said shaking her head. She'd never even known he had a sister or any family left at all. He'd never talked about them and she'd never asked. It had been one of those topics she'd just known was off limits.

"She did make it," Tommy said smiling softly as he remembered his sister. "Maria had a long uphill battle ahead of her when she finally woke up from the coma she was in."

"How long?" Jude asked softly.

"4 months," Tommy said sadly. "I came home and was thrust into family business that I haven't been apart of since I joined Boyz Attack years ago. I was told that if I joined that pathetic boy band that I was no longer part of Thomas Kinkaid's family. My father was always a tad dramatic for my taste."

"He disowned you," Jude said confused. "But you were so successful, Boyz Attack was a huge it in most countries across the world."

"I was an embarrassment," Tommy said shrugging his shoulders. "Which I didn't agree with at the time because all I saw was the dollar signs in my future. But now looking back, I was an embarrassment to my father. I'm embarrassed for myself, I never wanted to be in a boy band."

"Why did your Dad change his mind?" Jude asked scooting closer so she was sitting right beside Tommy. She didn't know where the story was going but from the look on Tommy's face, it didn't have a happy ending.

"My father stupidly let my sister marry a man named Antonio, a guy who does my father's dirty work," Tommy explained when Jude looked confused again. "He figured he'd always have Maria under his thumb if her husband was employed by him. He just didn't realize that Antonio was a bully and was beating my sister five nights a week."

"Oh my God," Jude said covering her mouth with her hand. She'd never seen abuse up close and personal but she'd known it existed. But hearing Tommy talk about his own sister being beaten was too much.

"The last time was bad," Tommy said shaking his head. "Real bad. Maria fell down their flight of stairs after he strategically placed bruises all over her body where they couldn't be seen unless she had barely any clothes on."

"Your Father didn't know," Jude said shaking her head at the picture he had painted.

"He said he didn't," Tommy said rolling his eyes. "But he had no problem raising his hand to my Mother when she didn't do as he said so who can tell?" Tommy took a deep breath before continuing. "The worst part was my sister has a daughter. Little Caroline, Caro is what they call her. She's four and they couldn't find her at first, right after it happened."

"He didn't take her," Jude said praying that Antonio hadn't gotten his hands on her.

"No," Tommy shook his head. "Maria had given Caro a hiding spot and told her not to come out until she came for her. So she hid until we tore the house apart and found her. She didn't know who I was which made me feel about two inches tall. Here I was her only uncle and she had no clue who I was. I made a vow right there to be there for her…forever. That was when we were told that Maria probably wouldn't wake up."

"I'm sorry Tommy," Jude said wondering how she would feel if she didn't know Marissa. Her life would have a lot less sunshine in it. Marissa made all the bad things in the world seem less horrific.

"It's not your fault," Tommy admitted. "But I bought a cabin and furnished it with the essentials and started repairing my relationship with Maria and Caro. I visited my sister everyday and soon Caro looked forward to me visiting her."

"But Maria woke up," Jude prompted.

"She did and the moment she saw me she stared crying," Tommy said a tear falling down his face. "We were close as kids, always looking out for one another. I felt so guilty for not being there for her when Antonio was doing all this to her. I asked her why she never called me but she said that she didn't feel like she had any right to call and ask me to save her. You can't know how guilty that made me feel."

"It's not your fault though Tommy," Jude argued hating to see him blaming himself.

"But it is," Tommy replied. "If I had been around he'd never have dared touch her."

"You don't know that," Jude said shaking her head. Tommy was taking on a hero's complex when he shouldn't. "I don't know your sister but she could have left. She chose to stay."

"You sound just like her," Tommy said smiling. "The truth is a lot of things could have been different if I hadn't have left. If I would have stayed she'd never have married him in the first place. Therefore no abuse, no pain, no fear."

"No Caro," Jude said softly. "No me." She stood up and walked over to the window. "If you'd never left you wouldn't have met me."

"I would have met you somehow," Tommy said smiling. "We have entirely too much chemistry for us not to find each other."

"Why didn't you call me?" Jude asked whipping around to face him. She'd promised herself she wouldn't ask that but now, hearing his explanation, she had to know. "Better question, how could you not call after hearing the thousands of voicemails I left you?"

"I quit listening after the first twenty," Tommy admitted. He watched her swallow that and cursed at himself. He stood up hating to have her looking down at him. He had made some stupid decisions in his life but he still stood behind the fact that not calling her during that time was the smartest thing he'd ever done. "I had to focus on my family when I first got back. Maria needed me and Caro, she was so god damn scared. I had to put all my time and energy into helping them."

"But after that Tommy," Jude said tears running down her face. "After Maria woke up. You could have called me."

"I could have," Tommy admitted. "I wanted to, God knows how much I wanted to but in the end…I couldn't. I didn't want you part of that world. The world I grew up in isn't a safe one and I didn't know how long I was going to be there or if I would ever leave it behind again."

"Three years Tommy," Jude said glaring at him. "Three damn years."

"After the first year when I saw you moving on and your career taking off without me, I couldn't come back and screw it up again." He took a couple steps toward her and tried to calm her down with his eyes. "I was a mess two years ago. I had a sister who was going through tons of physical therapy, I was raising a four year old and my father was pressuring me to join the family business. I had no idea where my life was going."

"What changed then?" Jude asked putting her hands on her hips. "What made you all of a sudden change your mind? What made you come back?"

"I woke up one morning and looked in the mirror and didn't know who I was looking at," Tommy admitted looking down at the floor before he looked back into her eyes. "I was living back in the world I'd turned my back on years ago and I hated it now just as much as I did then." Tommy took another step towards her and sighed when Jude took a step back. "Maria told me to leave. She's stronger now and Antonio is in prison and my Father has once again disowned me. She wants me to be happy and being with you, making music with you was the last time I was happy. So I came back."

"I'm happy that you sister is well now," Jude said her resolve face on. "I'm happy that you didn't stay in a life that you hated but I can't jump into your arms and put my heart out there for you to stomp on again or worse, walk away from again. I can't do it."

Tommy watched as Jude grabbed her bag and hurried from his apartment. He didn't try to stop her, knowing that she needed to time and that if he pushed her now, he could push her right into Jake's arms. So he picked up the melted ice cream carton and spoons, carried them to the kitchen and put them in the sink. He grabbed the bottle of brandy from the cupboard and poured himself a drink. If there was ever a night where he needed a drink, it was tonight.

**Please review, I love to read your comments. Tell me something you loved or hated. I read everything!!!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey everybody! I want to say I'm sorry for taking so long to update. I can't blame it on writer's block because I know what's happening next and I knew what I wanted to happen I just couldn't sit down long enough to actually type anything. My attention span is nonexistant. Well I hope you like it!! I'll try and update even quicker next time!!!**

"Talk to me," Spiederman said flipping open his cell phone as he walked into the house he shared with Kyle and Wally. He waved to his two roommates who were sitting on the couch playing a video game.

"Can you find Jude?" Sadie asked forgoing any pleasantries. It had been three hours since Jude had stormed out of the house and she wasn't answering her cell phone and Jake had called an hour ago with the news that her apartment was empty. There was only one other place Sadie knew that her sister would go to and hide.

"What happened?" Spiederman asked turning around and heading out the door. He heard Wally call his name but didn't stop to explain. Sadie only called him when she knew Jude wouldn't talk to anybody else.

"It was just a bad night," Sadie said knowing Jude would tell him everything. "She's not at her apartment and her cell phone is either on silent, turned off or she is screening her calls."

"I'll call you when I find her," Spied said before hanging up. It had been almost a year since Sadie had called him and told him to find Jude. He climbed back into his car and made the short ten minute drive to their rehearsal space. It was the only place Jude ever ran to when she was frustrated with life and all the people in it. Most of her music was created here and only finished in the studio.

He rode the elevator to their floor and sighed when he heard the guitar coming from behind the closed door. Spied fit his key in the lock and walked through the door surprised to find Jude sitting at the piano bench holding her guitar. Whatever melody she had in her had was giving her problems if the wrinkles in her forehead were to be trusted.

"Jude," Spied said walking over so he was leaning against the piano. She barely looked up at him before she set her guitar down and played the same melody on the piano.

"Sadie call you?" she asked still playing the piano.

"She's worried," Spied said listening intently to the melody she was playing. If there was one good thing that always came from the chaos of Jude's life it was the music she created.

"Always is," Jude muttered rolling her eyes.

"Dinner went bad I'm guessing," Spied commented trying to draw her into a conversation.

"It went as well as could be expected," Jude said after a moment had gone by.

"Your Mom-" Spied started to say but Jude interrupted him.

"Is the same as she's been since I turned 16," Jude said slamming her hands down when she lost the melody in her head. "She's never going to change just as I'm never going to change. The sooner everybody accepts that the sooner everybody can move on."

"Okay," Spied said holding up his hands. "Not accusing you of anything here Jude, just here as a concerned friend." He walked around the piano until he was sitting beside her on the bench. "When I find you here alone, this late at night, I know something's wrong."

"Something is wrong," Jude said shaking her head. "Everything is wrong."

Spied sat there waiting her out. He didn't want to interrupt whatever internal monologue she had going on in her head because when she was ready, she'd tell him. Jamie was the friend that pushed her until he found out what was wrong. Spied just had to sit there quietly and she'd confide in him eventually.

"Do you remember what you told me a year after Tommy left?" Jude asked suddenly. Spied nodded but decided to let her say it. "That he had a good reason for not calling me, for not answering my emails. That Tom Quincy wasn't an idiot and he knew a good thing when he had it. Turns out you were right."

The only outward sign Spied showed of his surprise was his eyes opened wider before he just nodded his head again. "I was."

"Yep," Jude said laughing but there was nothing humorous about it. "He had a damn good reason for leaving. Hell, he even had a damn good reason for staying gone for three years." She stood up and started to pace. "So why am I still so angry at him for leaving?"

"Just because you understand doesn't mean it doesn't hurt still," Spied pointed out the obvious.

"He told me more tonight than he's told me the entire time I've known him," Jude said softly. "Three years ago I would have given my right arm to know what I know now. But it can't change anything."

"No, it can't," Spied agreed. He waited but she just stood there staring at an empty wall. "But it can lead to something new…something better." Jude turned to face him, the wrinkles back in her forehead like she didn't understand what he was saying. "You know everything about him Jude. That's way more than you knew three years ago."

"Are you telling me to give him another chance?" Jude asked her shock evident in her tone of voice.

"No," Spied said shaking his head. "I can't tell you to give him another chance. That has to come from you. I'm just telling you not to run before you think it through." Spied stood up and walked over to her. "You're thinking like you're 17 again Jude but your not that girl anymore."

"I feel like her again," Jude said frustrated.

"Think like the Jude now," Spied said putting his hands on her shoulders so he could shake her gently. "You still have feelings for him." When she looked at him surprised he rolled his eyes. "You've always had feelings for him…unresolved feelings. The old Jude would either jump right in to whatever he was offering without thinking of the consequences or she'd run away to something safe, someone safe."

"Jake," Jude said softly. It was her typical M.O.

"You don't have to do either," Spied explained.

"Then what do I do," Jude said confused. She had to make a choice, either to stay with Jake who was turning out to be somebody that she wasn't sure she even liked. Or trust Tommy who's track record in that area wasn't good.

"Write a song," Spied suggested. "Who says you have to make a decision right now Jude? You don't know what you want to do then take some time to figure it out."

Jude stared at him but she nodded after a minute. He was right. She wasn't ready to make a decision yet. She did have feelings for Tommy. Three years hadn't changed the fact that when she saw him, her heart came to life. But the fear was still there too. Her heart had taken enough beatings from him for three lifetimes. She wasn't ready to offer it on a platter for another one.

And then there was Jake. He was a good guy, a great guy by Hollywood's standards. But she wasn't sure he was the guy for her. He didn't know her; half the time she didn't even think he was trying to know her. He had this image that he was trying to put her in and she wasn't fitting. It was like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. She'd never fit.

"What do you want to write about?" Spied asked taking the guitar from her grasp.

"I have this melody stuck in my head," Jude finally said placing her fingers on the piano keys. "It's been in my head for days."

"Lets hear it," Spied said sitting back watching her as the music took over. It was a beautiful thing watching Jude make music. She was gorgeous onstage and had such a presence she'd enchanted almost everyone but when it was just her creating a song, before the studio, she was beautiful.

"_I feel these 4 walls closing in_," Jude sang breaking into Spiederman's musings. He watched her as she found that place inside her that the music just poured out from. "_My face up against the glass, I'm looking out... Hmm. Is this my life I'm wondering…It happened so fast, how do I turn this thing around? Is this the bed I chose to make?  
Its greener pastures I'm thinking about hmm…wide open spaces far away_."

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_All I want is the wind in my hair  
To face the fear but, not feel scared  
_

Tommy stared at Jude as she sang another winner. Spied was standing beside Tommy staring at her also and was smiling gently as he watched her purge her soul.

"She loves you," Spied said suddenly causing Tommy to jerk around so he was facing him.

_  
Wild horses I wanna be like you  
Throwing caution to the wind  
I'll run free too  
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too  
Run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!  
Ohh yeah yea  
_

"I don't think so," Tommy denied shaking his head.

"You can't see it," Spied pointed out. "She's gotten good at hiding behind the walls she's put up but I've always been able to see inside her head. She loves you but it scares the shit out of her."

_  
I see the girl I wanna be  
Riding bare back, care free along the shore  
If only that someone was me  
Jumping head first headlong without a thought  
To act and damn the consequence  
How I wish it could be that easy  
But fear surrounds me like a fence  
I wanna break free  
_

"She's got a boyfriend," Tommy said grasping at straws. He wanted Jude to be in love with him, it was one of the reasons he'd come back. To see if it was still there and it was on his side. But he'd finally resigned himself to being her producer and at most, her friend.

"No she doesn't," Spied said shaking his head. "I don't know what you'd call Jake but he's definitely not her boyfriend. He wants to be and thinks he is and I'm sure she's even given him that title but he isn't.

_  
All I want is the wind in my hair  
To face the fear but, not feel scared  
Hoohhh woah woah  
_

"Why are you telling me this?" Tommy asked after a moment had gone by. He'd never known Spiederman that well but he'd always been sure that he hated his guts.

"Because Jude's my best friend," Spied said softly. "I want what's best for her and I want her to be happy. She's not right now, she's worrying herself towards an ulcer."

_  
Wild horses I wanna be like you  
Throwing caution to the wind  
I'll run free too  
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too  
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!  
Ohh yeah yea  
_

"I'm what's best for her," Tommy said skeptically. He'd never call himself good for anyone. He considered himself poison to anybody that ended up caring for him. He wrecked everything eventually.

"I haven't decided yet," Spied admitted softly. "But I know Jake isn't."

_  
I wanna run too.  
Hohhh woah oh woah oh  
Recklessly abandoning my self before you  
I wanna open up my heart tell him how I feel  
_

Tommy stared at Jude through the glass as she glanced at him before looking back at the wall. He didn't know if the song was about him but Spiederman seemed pretty sure that she felt something towards him. He wouldn't say it was love but she had to still care.

"Don't break her heart again Tommy," Spied said as the song stared winding down.

_  
Wild horses I wanna be like you  
Throwing caution to the wind  
I'll run free too  
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too  
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses! X2  
Hooaah woah ohh woah  
Yeah  
_

"I don't want to cause her any more pain ever again," Tommy said honestly staring into Spiederman's eyes to prove that he meant what he was saying.

"Not wanting to hurt somebody and still doing it are two very different things," Spied pointed out. He looked at Jude who was staring off into space as she ended the song.

_  
"I wanna run with the wild horses," _Jude sang softly finishing the song.

"Don't hurt her Tommy," Spied warned one last time before Jude walked back into the studio.

"What'd you think?" Jude asked when both guys just stared at her.

"It was great," Tommy said smiling at her. He watched as she nodded and made her way over to the couch. Spied was right about one thing. Looking at her now, with only a couple feet separating them, she looked exhausted. She obviously wasn't sleeping very well and she had lost weight since he'd first started working with her. Something had to change.

**Please review!!!!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey everybody!!! I am so sorry it's taken me so long to update but I've been lazy. I have no excuse. But I finally kicked my own butt and sat down to write a chapter that I am proud of. I hope you all like it too.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star. If I did, Jude would be with Tommy and Jamie would never stand a chance. **

"I can't give you guys time off," Darius said for the third time. He'd been pleasantly surprised with Jude's latest song. It was beautiful being on a piano and her voice had this raw quality that's been missing from most of her songs.

"D she needs a break," Tommy insisted. "She's exhausted."

"I know," Darius said surprising him. "I do have eyes and I know when one of my artists isn't taking care of themselves. But that makes me want to keep them close so I can watch them even closer."

"She needs to get away Darius," Tommy said softly. "She needs to be alone. She needs time to deal with the crap hand she's been dealt and she can't here. Every time she turns around she's being kicked in the gut with another problem."

"She needs to be alone," Darius said skeptically, "with you?"

"Not if you don't think it's a good idea," Tommy said honestly. "Granted I'd like to go with her so we can work on another song. But if you don't think it's a good idea, I don't have to go." It was killing him to say that but Darius was pulling the strings and he couldn't fight him on it. "Although, it's pointless for me to stay here with my only artist being somewhere else."

Darius smirked as Tommy tried to play him. "Are you sure this isn't an attempt to tip the scales further in your direction than Jakes."

"I'd by lying if I said part of it wasn't for that reason," Tommy admitted. "But it's more for Jude D. She's scaring me right now. She's not taking care of herself and she's never been like that. She's usually so strong."

"This past month has been hard," Darius commented. "What makes you think she wants to go anywhere with you?"

"I don't know if she will," Tommy said softly. "But I'm hoping that the thought of getting away from her family and a break from dealing with Jake will be enough temptation for her to come with me."

"Okay," Darius said standing up. He smiled as Tommy looked at him in surprise. "I agree she needs to get away but here's the deal, I would like her to stay in the general area."

"No deal," Tommy said shaking his head no.

"You think you have the right to veto," Darius said crossing his arms over his chest.

"She needs to get away Darius. If she stays anywhere near here they'll find her," Tommy said rolling his eyes. "The paparazzi alone would find her."

"Where'd you have in mind?" Darius finally asked realizing he was right.

"That's the thing," Tommy said. "I don't want to tell anybody where we are. I want complete and total quiet. We'll even leave our cell phones behind."

Darius stared at him. He couldn't believe he was even considering what Tommy was talking about. It was ludicrous for him to even think of sending his number one artist away without even knowing where they were going. Tommy needed his head checked. So nobody was more surprised than Darius when he agreed.

"Seriously," Tommy said shocked.

"Seriously," Darius said. "But I want her back by Monday. She has an appearance at Behind the Mic. She needs to be there and on time with a song to sing. I'll let her pick it since she never sings the one I have planned anyways."

"Deal," Tommy said surprised he was getting a whole weekend. Two days of Jude and him making music together. Late nights where they could string words together to make something powerful. And maybe they would get a chance to talk. To finally be totally honest with each other.

"You know Tommy, the hard parts not over yet," Darius said sitting back down. "You still have to convince Jude."

Tommy just nodded as he pictured how he'd sit her down and lay out the pros of them getting out of town so they could work in peace. There would be no boyfriends interrupting them. No long lost mothers coming back to town to try and be there when it was too little too late. No friends who were turning out to be less than friendly. Just them and the music, the way it use to be.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jude sat on the couch in the middle of G Major. Tommy had gone into Darius's office ten minutes ago to pitch the new song and if the time was anything to go by, it wasn't going well. It was different than anything she'd written in awhile but she thought it was good.

"Jude," Jamie said walking over to her. He'd been standing in the door of his office trying to find the right words to say to her. She'd been ignoring him now for days and he hated it. So he'd called Jake, he was her boyfriend. It wasn't like he'd called Shay and asked him to pay Jude a visit. "I think we need to talk."

Jude opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by Jake. She stared at him bewildered to find him at G Major again.

"Jude," Jake said smiling. He leaned down and to kiss her but Jude turned her head at the last minute so he kissed her cheek. "I thought we could take the rest of the day off and go shopping. I know how girls love to shop and Sadie was telling me how you haven't been able to lately."

Jude once again opened her mouth to say something but this time was interrupted by Karma who sat down beside her and put her arm around her shoulder.

"So you know how I helped you out the other night with that amazing song that Darius loved," Karma said smiling innocently. "How 'bout you return the favor? I have this song in my head but we both know my writing on my own is a bust. So I thought we could have a pow wow at the bar again and this time write one for me."

"Are you-" Jude said but her cell phone started ringing. She was shaking her head as she pulled it out of her bag and froze when she saw the unknown number. It was her Mom, that was the only person who could possibly be calling her cell number, her very private only given out to special people cell phone number, with an unknown number.

Jude looked up at Jamie who was staring at her with his arms crossed over his chest. Then Jake who was looking at her like he expected her to jump up off the couch and go skipping out of G Major holding his hand just so excited at the prospect of spending money on stuff she had no need for. Karma just looked retarded sitting there sucking up when she knew damn well the only time Jude would ever help her was if she was drunk; and she'd sworn off drinking since the other night. And finally, there was her Mom, who she never willingly talked to…ever.

Jude closed her eyes. She needed coffee and she needed it now. She couldn't deal with these people right now.

Tommy walked out of Tommy's office and his eyes scanned the lobby of G Major until his eyes settled on the couch where Jude was currently being cornered by two of her biggest problems and one giant pain in the ass. He decided they weren't even going to get to sit down quietly and list the pros. He was just going to walk over there and throw the idea of getting away out there and see if she'd take the leap or stay and deal with everybody now.

"Jude," Tommy said walking over to the couch. He hated the cornered look she had on her face and he would do anything to make sure she never had to look like that again. "Let's go."

"Go where?" Jake asked glaring at him.

"Jude we need to talk," Jamie said again not wanting to get passed over for Little Tommy Q.

"I was here first buddy," Karma said making a face. When Jake and Jamie glared at her she rolled her eyes. "Okay, third but get in line."

"Go?" Was all Jude said looking confused.

"Let's go, get out of here for awhile," Tommy said holding out his hand. "You know, for the weekend."

Jude stared at him in surprise. Tommy was asking for her to take his hand and just walk away from everybody and take off…for the weekend. Not just for an hour or two, or a day but a whole weekend. She hated to admit it but the 16 year old girl inside her was screaming at her to take his hand.

"Jude," Jake and Jamie said at the same time.

"Damn girl," Karma said staring at Tommy. "What are you waiting for?"

Jude jumped when her cell phone started ringing again. She looked down and saw Sadie's name this time and wanted to throw her phone against the wall. Of course her Mom would call Sadie and tell her she didn't answer her phone. Because that was mature and adult like.

"What do you say?" Tommy asked not demanding anything from her. The only one standing in front of her who wasn't demanding anything. He was simply asking her what she wanted to do. If she said no, he wouldn't go to his office and pout like Jamie. He wouldn't guilt her for a week letting her know how disappointed he was in her like Jake. She honestly didn't care what Karma would do. Who knew what her Mom was going to demand from her?

"Yes," Jude said standing up. She stepped around Jamie and Jake who were gaping at her. She slowly placed her hand in his knowing this was a moment that shouldn't just be passed by quickly. She was trusting him to get her away from everybody and give her some peace. Even if it was just for a weekend.

Tommy smiled as he led her out of G Major. He could feel everybody's eyes on them but didn't want to ruin the moment by looking around. He just kept his eyes looking straight forward and opened the door for Jude. They were almost at his rental when he heard Jake's voice from behind them.

"Jude, where do you think you're going?" he asked looking pissed.

Jude looked up at Tommy and held up one finger. She waited for him to nod before turning to face her boyfriend. "I'm going away for the weekend."

"I got that," Jake said shaking his head. "But why? Where? With him?"

"All good questions," Jude said nodding her head as she stalled. She didn't know what to say to him. She didn't know where they were going and she hadn't figured out why she'd said yes yet. The only one she had an answer for was the with him and she didn't think he'd like the answer, because it is him. It's Tommy.

"We're going away so we can work on her album," Tommy said bailing her out. He hated to watch her flounder.

"I think I was asking Jude but thanks," Jake said sarcastically. He looked back at Jude who was still standing between the two of them looking uncomfortable. "Why can't you work on your music here? I thought your album was going great, Jamie said your music it's the best it's been in awhile."

"He told you what?" Jude asked wondering why she was surprised to find Jamie still messing in her life. If she wanted Jake to know about her music, she'd tell him herself.

"He told me how it was going," Jake said confused.

"That's what I thought you said," Jude said shaking her head. "The reason I can't work here is I can't get any peace. As soon as I am finally relaxed and getting somewhere in the studio, somebody interrupts me."

"I wonder who that could be," Tommy said from behind her but shut up when she turned to look at him.

"I don't like you going anywhere with him," Jake said seriously.

"I'm sorry that you feel that way," Jude said trying to be gently. "But he is my producer and I want to get away and work with him. I need to get away and work with him. I hope you can understand that."

"And if I don't," Jake said glaring at Tommy as he said it.

"Then I don't know," Jude said shrugging her shoulders. She looked at him one last time before turning to climb into the car. Tommy shut the door behind her and glanced at Jake as he walked around the car.

"I know what you're trying to do," Jake said before Tommy reached the driver's side door.

"What are you talking about?" Tommy asked knowing exactly what he was talking about.

"You think that if you can get her away from here that she'll dump me and jump into your arms," Jake said snidely. "I'm here to tell you that she won't. That she's had her heart broken by you too many times to throw away what we have for another broken heart. You're wasting your time."

"If that was true," Tommy said putting his hand on the door handle. "Than why do you look so worried." He didn't have to say anything else so he climbed into the car and put the key into the ignition. He looked in the rearview mirror and saw Jake striding purposefully towards G Major's front door.

"Where exactly are we going?" Jude asked breaking the silence.

"Montana," Tommy said glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. She looked confused for a moment but finally just shook her head as she laid her head back and closed her eyes. It had been a long couple of weeks and she honestly didn't care where they went, as long as there was a bed where she could lay down and sleep.

**Please review, it makes my day.**


	13. Chapter 13

"Can you be ready in fifteen minutes?" Tommy asked as they pulled into their apartment parking lot. She hadn't said a word since he'd told her they were going to Montana. He'd been expecting at least a why or maybe a what, not total silence.

"Yeah," she mumbled climbing out of the car. She lead the way into the building and pressed the button for the elevator.

"Jude are you okay?" Tommy asked quietly when she just stared blankly at the elevator doors.

"Yeah," she said barely hearing the question. Soon they were both in the elevator and Tommy was getting off on his floor. He opened his mouth to say something but finally just shook his head and walked away as the elevator doors closed.

Jude had been holding herself together since she'd climbed into Tommy's car outside of G Major. It didn't take an idiot to figure out that she'd made a monumental decision without even thinking about it today. Going away with Tommy was just asking for trouble. She was begging for him to kiss and run or ask her out and leave the country. Oh wait, he'd already done both of those.

Jude walked into her apartment and made her way towards her bedroom. She had two choices here, go with Tommy and take the break he was offering her or stay in town and go crazy. 'When you put it that way, there's only one choice,' Jude thought as she pulled her favorite duffle out of her closet.

She was cramming her favorite blanket into the bag when she heard somebody walk into her apartment. She knew who it was without turning to look in the doorway.

"How can you go away with him?" Jake asked his hands on his hips.

Jude stared at him and wanted to shake her head and laugh. He looked like an irate lover who had just found out his girlfriend had been with another man. Which was almost the truth except that they weren't lovers and she'd yet to do anything with Tommy. Unless thinking about doing something was cheating. Sadie had never told her what the magazines had said about that one.

"Do you have any idea how this looks?" Jake asked when she didn't say anything.

"Do I care how it looks would probably be the better question?" Jude mumbled walking towards her bathroom to gather the few items she needed for a weekend away.

"What?" Jake asked following her.

"Jake, the people who matter know why I'm going away," Jude said honestly.

"That's what I'm afraid of," Jake said sarcastically.

"Why do you think I'm going away Jake?" Jude asked walking around him to finish putting the last items in the duffle. "If it's so hard to believe that I am going away just to work then please tell me why I'm going away?"

"I think it's obvious," Jake said quietly.

"Is it really?" Jude asked on a roll. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I am going away with Tommy because of some unresolved feelings for him. Maybe those said feelings have made themselves known and I can't put them on the back burner anymore."

"Sounds about right," Jake said looking smug that she'd admitted it.

"I didn't say that was the reason," Jude said rolling her eyes. "But if it was, why does it matter?"

"What?" Jake asked surprised.

"Jake," Jude said shaking her head at him. "We've been dating for two years and I barely need my second hand to count how many times I've seen you. We've only ever been casual. That's the way I've liked it."

"I have feelings for you," Jake insisted.

"I'm sure you do," Jude agreed. "Probably the same amount that you had for your last two costars. I'm just convenient Jake. I'm low maintenance and you love that."

"You've got it wrong," Jake said.

"Maybe I do," Jude said softly. "But I don't think I do." She grabbed her duffle when she heard the knock on her door. "Now I've got a plane to catch and my ride is here." She walked around him one last time and headed towards her door. For the first time in awhile, she was looking forward to something. A weekend away with Tommy.

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Tommy went to knock on Jude's door but paused when he saw the door open already. He was about to call Jude's name when he heard her talking to somebody. _"Jake, we've been dating for two years and I barely need my second hand to count how many times I've seen you. We've only ever been casual. That's the way I've liked it."_

Tommy was started to smile but froze when he heard Jake's voice. "_I have feelings for you."_

Tommy scowled and wanted to walk into Jude's bedroom to put an end to their conversation. But Jude's next words changed his mind. _I'm sure you do, probably the same amount that you had for your last two costars. I'm just convenient Jake. I'm low maintenance and you love that._ Tommy's smile returned and he closed the door quietly so he could knock gently. He didn't have to interrupt. Let Jake take a few minutes to plead his case, Tommy had an entire weekend.

He was surprised at how quick Jude walked out of her apartment and she didn't balk when Tommy took her duffle away from her so he was carrying both their bags. They both didn't say a word until they reached the airport. Jude didn't know what to say and Tommy was biding his time. He didn't want to push too much now and have her change her mind. He could wait until they were in the air so she had nowhere to go.

"That's not Darius's plane," Jude stated staring at the plane in front of them ten minutes later.

"No," Tommy agreed placing his hand on Jude's back so he could gently push her up the stairs. "It's my father's."

Jude opened her mouth to say something but changed her mind at the last moment. She wanted to know more about Tommy's father and his life but she didn't know how to ask. Before he'd left she would have just blurted out whatever was on her mind but things had changed.

Tommy waited until they had taken off and were in the air before grabbing Jude's duffle and opening up. He saw Jude sit up and stare at him in surprise but she didn't stop him as he pulled out her notebook.

"Darius expects us to write a song while we are gone," he said flipping through the pages.

"Probably more than one," Jude said rolling her eyes.

"The other day…the day you fell asleep in the studio," Tommy started and watched as Jude sat up straighter when she realized he was about to confess something. "I saw your journal laying across the room and I flipped through it and I came across a chorus to a song you must have started but never finished."

"There's a lot of songs I've started and never finished in there," Jude admitted her face flushing. She'd never had a problem with finishing a song once she's started it but the past year she hadn't been able to finish most of them.

"I finished it for you," Tommy said turning the journal so she could read it.

Jude stared at Tommy sure she should feel some sort of anger at him invading her privacy but it was such a Tommy thing to do. To read something and take it into his own hands to finish it. She smiled softly before she looked down at the page in front of her.

_Every road that I've been down  
The only truth that I have found  
There's only one thing I can't live without  
You_

She looked up after reading the chorus she'd written over a year ago. She'd been thinking about him one night, alone in her apartment. It had been past midnight and a melody had gotten stuck in her head. But these were the only words that she had been able to put down on paper._  
_  
_I was searching for something I thought I would never find  
Losing my mind  
In and out of bad love, I thought I was born to lose  
Then came you  
I thought I knew what the real thing was  
But nothing shakes me like your love does  
I've been hypnotized  
Now I realize_

Jude found herself singing the words in her head trying to figure out the new melody and the way it could flow. She reached for her guitar as she kept reading.

_Every road that I've been down  
The only truth that I have found  
There's only one thing I can't live without  
You_

She started playing the guitar sensing Tommy getting up so he could sit down beside her in the empty chair her duffle had been sitting on.

_Every time I get lost in a temperamental mood  
You still stay cool  
Just when I think that this life's about to drive me insane  
You take the reins  
Every time I feel I'm drifting off course  
You're my compass, you're my one true north  
In a mixed up world  
You make sense to me _

Jude looked up when Tommy took the guitar from her and started adding to the melody she had been playing. She smiled at him before looking back down at the words. She would never get sick of writing a song with Tommy.

_Every road that I've been down  
The only truth that I have found  
There's only one thing I can't live without  
You_

_Yeah, every road  
Leads me to you  
that's all I need to know_

_Every road that I've been down  
The only truth that I have found  
There's only one thing I can't live without  
You_

_Every road that I've been down in my life  
Every time I feel I'm taking off  
Every road that I've been down in my life  
Every road, leads me to you  
Yes it did, yes it did  
Every road  
Every road leads me to you_

Tommy looked at Jude as she started writing chords down so she wouldn't forget them. He'd been expecting anger, hurt, even the silent treatment but he hadn't been expecting to finish the song with her.

"Thank you Tommy," Jude said softly when they'd finished a little while later. They had some final tweaking to do but they needed a studio to finish it completely.

"Your welcome," Tommy said leaning back.

"I had an idea for the song but I never got it right," Jude said.

"Why do you have a journal full of incomplete songs?" Tommy asked taking the journal from her hands. He started flipping through it and they both looked at all the crossed out songs and empty pages.

"It's almost like the music in me was gone," Jude said trying to explain. "For two years I just couldn't write anything that wasn't too depressing or just plain sucked. I refused to sing someone else's songs or covers and I didn't want to do a Christmas album which was Portia's great idea. So I just didn't release anything new."

"I always wondered why you didn't release anything," Tommy said lifting a hand to play with the ends of her hair. Her hair had always fascinated him. It was so soft and all the layers, he wanted to run his hands through it.

"I couldn't," Jude said softly. "Without you my career took a serious nosedive and Kwest tried to help me out but I was lost." She leaned back trapping Tommy's hand behind her back.

Tommy moved his hand over so his arm was around her back and he smiled softly when Jude snuggled her head down onto his shoulder. It didn't take long before she was softly snoring and Tommy smiled and kissed her forehead. His arm was starting to fall asleep but there wasn't enough money in the world to make him move.

**Please review. It truly makes my day and I love reading them. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey everybody, so surprise surprise! I'm updating already. I have been so uninspired for my story lately. The show's not on anymore, not even the reruns of past seasons. But this past week I got the third season CD and let me tell you. Don't You Dare and Where Does It Hurt, the full songs have inspired me more than I can even describe. Don't You Dare is the best song every written. I can listen to it over and over. :) So here's my latest update and I love this chapter. I really do. Tell me what you think...**

Tommy brushed the hair away from Jude's space. They'd arrived at the airfield ten minutes ago but he gathered all their stuff and put it in his Hummer parked outside before deciding to wake her. She still looked exhausted but he knew she would want to walk off the plane herself and see where they were going.

"Jude," Tommy said softly as he rubbed her arm gently. He watched her slowly wake up by cracking her eyes open a little before closing them and yawning. "We're here."

"I fell asleep," Jude mumbled stating the obvious.

"You needed it," Tommy said watching her rub the sleep from her eyes.

Jude didn't say anything but just slowly finished waking up. She usually didn't sleep on airplanes. The fear of being asleep while the plane crashes usually kept her awake and alert. Who would have thought that being on a private plane with Tommy would be relaxing?

Tommy took her hand when she stood up and lead her off the plane. She gave him a small smile when she saw the Hummer parked outside. She'd always loved the Hummer most. The Viper had been a great car but Jude loved Hummers. She always figured the bigger the vehicle the better.

Soon they were on the road and Jude was looking at the passing scenery pointing out different animals that she didn't usually see. When they passed a sign that said population 200 she looked at Tommy and raised an eyebrow.

"You never told me you grew up in a really small town," Jude said thoughtfully. When he said Montana she just pictured another town like Toronto but he was really from a small town that literally had a general store/gas station, diner and post office.

"I spent summers here but during the school year we were in boarding schools," Tommy explained pulling into the general store's parking lot. When Jude looked around curiously he added, "the cabin has nothing in it. I cleaned it out when I left. We need some supplies or we'll starve." When Jude opened her mouth to say something he smiled. "There is no takeout here."

"Who's going to cook?" Jude asked looking nervous. That was one art she'd never mastered. She burned boiling water.

"I will," Tommy said climbing out of the Hummer. He met Jude at the front of the Hummer and found himself reaching for her hand again. It was nice to know he could take her hand and she wasn't going to pull it away. He didn't know what was happening between them but a week ago she wouldn't have held his hand for a second. He had to be making progress.

"Is there anything you need to survive for a weekend?" Tommy asked grabbing a basket as they walked through the door. He looked at her face and rolled his eyes when she bit her lip to stop from saying the obvious. "Besides pop tarts."

Jude smiled. "Nope." She lived off of pop tarts. As far as she was concerned, it covered most of the major food groups and gave her energy to get through the day.

Jude walked beside Tommy watching as he filled the basket with fresh produce, pasta, sauce, pancake mix, milk and her eyes grew huge with each additional item he put in the basket. "I didn't know you could cook."

"My Mom taught us before she passed away," Tommy explained grabbing a carton of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

"My Mom taught me how to burn waffles," Jude offered making them both chuckle. "I'm use to eating out or going over to Sadie's. Now she can cook."

"She's changed," Tommy said as they stood in line at the cash register.

"That's what happens when you have an unplanned pregnancy," Jude said shrugging her shoulders. "Rissa was a surprise but Sadie'll be the first to tell you that she's the best surprise she's ever had."

"She's a good Mom," Tommy said watching the total as the teenager behind the counter rang them up.

"We both know what not to do," Jude said feeling the familiar rush of anger as her Mom popped into her brain.

"Jude," Tommy said sadly. He hated that she had such anger towards her Mom. He wished there was something he could do for her but it was something that she had to work through on her own.

"I'm going to go wait outside," Jude said quickly before he could say anything. She walked outside and leaned against the passenger side door of the Hummer. She was angry with herself for ruining the peacefulness that had enveloped them since leaving Toronto behind. If she was going to truly relax this weekend and just focus on the music with Tommy she had to let her anger go. Or at least put it away for the weekend.

"You okay?" Tommy asked walking towards her slowly.

"Perfect," Jude said nodding her head. She knew he didn't believe her but he was smart enough not to say anything and just loaded the groceries into the back of the car.

Soon Tommy pulled back onto the country road and they drove for another twenty minutes into the middle of nowhere. Jude laid her head against the door and just stared out her window at the passing scenery again. She didn't realize how much she missed the country and the calming feeling the woods brought her. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd gone out to her family's farmhouse and just relaxed. She would have to remember to take more weekends and get away from the city when she got home.

"Welcome to our weekend retreat," Tommy said breaking into her musings as they drove down a little dirt driveway to a gorgeous log cabin.

"It's beautiful," Jude said honestly. She followed Tommy's lead and grabbed her duffle and a bag of groceries from the back and then followed him into the cabin.

Jude walked through the front door and stood in the little entry hall and stared in awe at her surroundings. From the outside you would call the cabin rustic but from the inside it was gorgeous and had most modern conveniences. It was one big room with a kitchen and eating area taking up one side. The other side had a huge living area with a huge fireplace as the main focal point. There was a staircase in the corner and Jude set her duffle down by the steps before carrying her grocery bag into the kitchen.

The kitchen was gorgeous and if she could cook it would probably make her heart race but since she couldn't she just looked around 'til she spotted the toaster. She could eat pop tarts right out of the wrapper but preferred heating them up a little bit.

"The upstairs has the master bedroom and bath," Tommy explained as he put the groceries away. "There is a guest room up there but it's more geared for Juliet my niece but you like lots of pink, right?" When Jude made a face he smiled. "There is only one bathroom and it's upstairs between the two bedrooms."

"It's gorgeous Tommy," Jude said walking over towards the fireplace where there were a few picture frames. She saw one of Tommy and a little girl who must be Juliet. She couldn't take her eyes away from the smile on Tommy's face as he stared down at the little brown haired girl who was hamming it up for the camera. She'd rarely seen him smile like that and the rare times she had it had been fleeting. The next picture was of the little girl and what must be her Mom.

"That's Maria and Juliet," Tommy said walking up behind her. He'd forgotten about the pictures Maria had put up shortly after he'd moved into the cabin. The only photograph he'd put up had been Jude in his bedroom. She'd lectured him on putting personal touches around the house but he'd never seen the point. He wasn't much of a decorator and this had never felt like home…until now. It was funny how just having Jude here turned what was just a place to sleep and eat into more.

"She's pretty," Jude said before moving on to the next picture. It was an older photograph and the woman in the picture was cooking in a kitchen and she was smiling for the picture but you could see the impatience in her eyes. "Your Mom," Jude said softly.

"Yeah," Tommy said his voice cracking. Talking about his Mom always brought his emotions to the surface. He'd loved her with an innocence that hadn't changed in the twelve years she'd been gone. "My Dad destroyed most of the pictures after she passed but Maria found this one and gave it to me." He looked around the room trying to find a way to change the subject and realized there was one more room that Jude had to see, he just couldn't tell her about it.

"There's one more room that you have to see," Tommy said taking her hand once again. He lead her back towards the kitchen and opened a door that had stairs leading down to the basement.

Jude walked down the narrow staircase and into the dark room and when Tommy turned the lights on she had to blink her eyes a couple times but as soon as she saw the mini recording room and studio she got excited. She'd never dreamed that he would have an onsite studio. They could write and record songs here and complete them without any trouble. Darius would have finished copies on his desk the moment they got home.

"It didn't have this when you bought it," Jude said walking around the studio surprised to see that it resembled her favorite studio back at G Major.

"No, it was just a storage room when I bought it but I immediately had a contractor out here and put everything in within a couple months," he sat down on one of the swivel chairs provided and ran a hand lovingly over the sound board. "I may have left the music business behind for awhile but I never left it completely."

"God I can only dream about having my own recording space," Jude said in awe of what Tommy had created.

"You have a good start with your rehearsal space," Tommy pointed out.

"It's in the crappiest part of town and everything around it is falling apart," Jude said shaking her head.

"You wouldn't change a thing about that place," Tommy argued smirking when Jude finally cracked a rueful smile and nodded.

"When you're right, you're right," Jude said. "I love that place. Truth is I'd live there if I wasn't afraid of the people above and below my space." She walked around the room looking at everything and taking it in.

"So," Tommy said slowly drawing the word out. "Do you think you can relax here and create some 'good' music.'" Tommy used air quotes when he said good, meaning Darius's version of good.

"Nobody knows where we are," Jude said quietly.

"Nope," Tommy said honestly. "That was one of my conditions with Darius."

"And he agreed to that," Jude said shocked. Darius was never one to let that much control out of his hands. He had to know everything about every one of his artists and he demanded even more from his producers.

"He's worried about you Jude," Tommy said after a moment of silence had gone by. He'd debated if he should just give her the cookie cutter response and say 'I wore him down' or something equally unbelievable or the truth. He decided on the truth. "You've lost weight, you aren't sleeping and you are snapping at everybody."

"I've had a tough week," Jude said defending herself. She hated having people point out when she wasn't herself. She had worked hard the past three years erecting a wall around her emotions so they didn't shine through. Then all it took was Tommy coming back to send the wall tumbling down and her emotions out of whack.

"It's more than that," Tommy said fishing for more. He knew he could blow it right now and piss her off enough where she'd demand he take her back to Toronto. But he was sick of watching her make herself sick with whatever was bugging her, eating at her. She needed to talk about it.

"It's not," Jude lied. She didn't want to talk about it. Especially with him. He was the main reason she couldn't find the control she normally had over her life. He was the reason she couldn't sleep or eat anymore. She had to watch everything she said or did around him because she didn't want him to know how much she still cared. He'd torn her heart out and stomped on it the night he'd left without looking back.

"Jude," Tommy said tilting his head as he stared at her. He could see the panic in her eyes and he hated that just the thought of telling him what was bothering her caused her that. He just wanted to be there for her.

"I can't Tommy," Jude said her voice breaking as tears came to her eyes. She blinked quickly keeping them back by sheer force of will. She would not cry in front of him. She hadn't cried since the night she'd officially said goodbye to him in her own way.

"Why?" Tommy asked confused. "Something's bothering you Jude and it's eating at you, making you sick. You need to tell somebody and since I'm the only one here…Nobody is going to interrupt us here. No boyfriends, best friends or sisters. No phone calls from long lost mother's or over protective fathers. It's just me and you."

"I don't want to talk about it," Jude said loudly glaring at him. She sighed in relief when the rush of anger flooded her senses. She could handle anger. Anger was easy and she didn't have to keep a lid on it.

"Why?" Tommy asked standing up. He watched her place a hand on her head and rub at her forehead like she had a headache.

"Because it's you!" Jude yelled closing her eyes as it came pouring out.

**Please review. I read and enjoyed every review I got for the last chapter. It made me update faster. :)**


	15. Chapter 15

"Because it's you!" Jude yelled closing her eyes as it all came pouring out. "It's you and it's me and it's just everything!!!"

"What.." Tommy said surprised. He'd been expecting something about her family or her 'boyfriend' or even the paparazzi. Not himself or even herself.

"Do you know the moment I fell in love with you?" Jude asked surprising him once again. When Tommy didn't say anything she sighed. "I was fifteen and I'd just spent the afternoon with Little Tommy Q., the bad boy from Boyz Attack. I'd despised everything he'd ever stood for up to that point but that afternoon…he introduced me to something that I'll never forget."

"What?" Tommy asked softly.

"The music," Jude said smiling at the memory of that fifteen year old girl. "I'd been writing lyrics and composing songs for years but I knew nothing about the music he talked about."

"You knew more than you thought you did," Tommy said smiling at her.

"I fell in love with an image," Jude continued as if he hadn't said anything. "But that guy I fell in love with eventually proved to be less than what I'd pictured, he broke my heart with one quick kiss that changed my life but he wanted to forget it ever happened."

"Jude…I…" Tommy said at a loss for words. He couldn't say he regretted asking for her to forget that kiss because it never should have happened. She'd been way too young at the time and his life had been one big train wreck.

"It was good that it happened that way Tommy," Jude said putting him at ease. "Maybe not the exact way it went down but I wasn't ready for you. I had you on this pedestal and it wasn't fair of me to put you up there. It was only a matter of time before you fell off." Jude walked over to her chair and sat down. "I got passed it and went on tour a stronger person only to come back and have my whole life turned upside down.."

"I didn't want to tell you about the new G Major on the telephone," Tommy said still hating that she'd had no warning about the havoc Darius had originally reeked at G Major.

"I was devastated when I came back to find Darius in charge of G Major and some British idiot in charge of the studio time," Jude said shaking her head as she pictured Liam. "I had lived and breathed the music industry for an entire year, done anything and everything I was told and now it was going to be ripped away from me. I was devastated."

"Darius is still kicking himself for putting you through that," Tommy interrupted making them both smile.

"I hated that break," Jude said softly. "I hated having Liam telling me what I had to do, no discussion allowed. I hated the new G Major with all it's new dumb rules. But most of all I hated knowing that I wasn't going to see you. I'd been impatient as hell to get home but without being allowed to use the studio, I had no excuse to be near you."

"You never needed an excuse," Tommy said wishing he could just go to her and wrap his arms around her and tell her it would be okay. But he knew she needed to purge herself of whatever was bugging her.

"But that break turned out to be a good thing," Jude said surprising him. "I found myself again. I wasn't going to be a doormat anymore. I wasn't going to do anything that I didn't think was in my best interest."

"You showed them what being an instant star was all about," Tommy said smirking as he remembered the look on Darius's face when he heard some of the music she'd worked on outside of G Major.

"Then there was Spiederman," Jude said rolling her eyes as she remembered one of the dumbest decisions she'd ever made. "He was an attempt to get over you. You had Sadie and were off limits. I could have destroyed the band but more importantly I could have lost the only true friend I've ever had."

"Sadie was a mistake," Tommy said staring into her eyes as he added, "my lame attempt at getting my mind off you."

"I thought something might happen after my 17th birthday party. I was positive you were finally going to admit you cared," Jude said shaking her head. "We circled each other for weeks, flirting like crazy and then we recorded White Lines." When Tommy just stared at her she went on. "That kiss rocked my world. It was better than our first kiss and I fell all over again."

"It rocked my world too," Tommy said smiling when Jude gave him a small half-smile.

"When you asked me out…I was probably the happiest I have ever been," Jude admitted being totally honest with him. "But then you just left. I can say that was the worst moment of my life. I was destroyed Tommy. You destroyed me."

"Jude…" Tommy said quietly unsure of how to respond.

"I didn't eat, couldn't sleep," Jude said standing up so she could pace. "I couldn't write a damn thing. I was worthless, completely 100 percent worthless. G Major had no use for me, Darius should have fired me. My family couldn't deal with me when I was relatively normal, they sure as hell couldn't handle me heartbroken. The only person who didn't stand in front of me pointing a finger saying 'told you so' was Spied. He stormed into my room and yelled at me. Told me I was better than that."

"He was right," Tommy agreed. He hated picturing her that way. Hated knowing that he made her doubt herself.

"It wasn't instantaneous," Jude said turning to face him. "My recovery. It took about 3 months for me to get back to my normal weight, for me to sit and eat a meal. It took even longer for me to go to G Major and just sit in the studio. It took a year before I attempted writing a song. It was crap but I was at least trying."

"I didn't mean…" Tommy said but stopped when he realized how dumb that was going to sound. Of course he hadn't meant to hurt her…he never did. That was his problem, he was constantly hurting her just by being himself.

"I know you didn't meant to hurt me," Jude said softly. "I'm not mad anymore…hearing why you left made sure of that. I'm not mad that you didn't call me or email me for three years." Tommy stared at her knowing more was coming. "I'm still hurt though. I promised myself that I would never let you in again. Every time I let my guard down and let you in, I get hurt. Not just hurt but destroyed. I can't go through that again."

"I'd never put you through that again," Tommy said standing up and taking a step towards her. "I couldn't even if I wanted too."

"Tommy," Jude said shaking her head at him. "Words are easy."

"Do you think the last three years have been easy for me!" Tommy said loudly watching as she fell silent and stared at him in surprise. "Hell the last five years have been pretty much the hardest of my life." He looked down at the floor for a moment before continuing. "I never wanted to feel anything for you." He stared at her and watched as she took a deep breath trying to disguise the pain those words caused her. He hated causing her pain but if he was going to be honest, he had to tell her the whole truth, even the painful truth.

"I fought it every day. I dated other girls, gave you advice for other relationships and I wouldn't even let myself think about you outside of the studio. Then I kissed you. The biggest mistake of my damn life. Not the kiss, that kiss was amazing, one of the best of my entire life. But you were too damn young for me."

"I was," Jude agreed softly. That fifteen year old girl hadn't been ready for him.

"I dated your sister hoping that at least having one of the Harrison girl's would be enough," Tommy said knowing that didn't exactly paint him in the best light. "That was another huge mistake. Sadie is a great girl but she's not…for me."

"Sadie loved you," Jude said angry on her sister's behalf. Nobody deserved to be used.

"Sadie loved Tommy Q. from Boyz Attack," Tommy said rolling his eyes. "She never even knew the real me. The normal me." Tommy looked deep into Jude's eyes as he said, "there's only one person in the world who knows the real me."

"I never felt like I knew you," Jude whispered surprised that he thought she knew the real him.

"You know more about me than anybody else in the world," Tommy stated. "You don't even know how bad I wanted to go on that date with you. I'd just decided that I wasn't going to let anything stand in our way. The age difference…our jobs…your family…nothing was standing in our way. But then I heard about my sister and it was like a sign to me. That I wasn't suppose to take that step with you…not yet anyway."

"I hated you at that moment," Jude said remembering the pain and anger she'd felt chasing the car outside of the restaurant that night. "I was standing in the middle of the road watching you drive away and I hated you. Once again you'd ripped my heart out and stomped on it."

Tommy closed his eyes to hide the tears that were too close to the surface. He never liked to wish for things, even as a young boy, because nothing he'd ever wished for ever came true. But listening to Jude talk about that night made him wish he could turn back time.

"I am so sorry Jude," Tommy said but he was cut off by Jude. He opened his eyes to find Jude standing right in front of him. She'd placed her hand on his cheek and she was staring intently at him. "Jude-" Tommy said but her lips cut him off.

He'd dreamed of kissing her for three years and it was even better than he remembered. He picked her up and felt her wrap her legs around his waist while he moved across the room until she was sitting on the sound board. They both pulled apart gasping for breath but Jude reached for him again and soon they were both lost in the moment and in each other.


	16. Chapter 16

**Okay so here's my latest update and although this chapter wasn't that difficult for me to write, it's hard for me to post it. I think it's one of those chapters that if I let myself, I'll reread it and reread it a million times and find something new to add or fix every time. So to stop myself from doing that I'm just going to post it. So I hope ou like it. The song was one I found at youtube with a Tommy/Jude video that just blew me away. It's probably one of my favs. Check it out. **

**The song is I'm Sorry by Tommy Reeve.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star. I wish I did because there would never be a Jude/Jamie. **

Jude closed the door of Tommy's guest bedroom softly and leaned up against it covering her face with her hands. She'd just left Tommy down in the studio and was still trying to determine if what had happened had been a good thing. Either she'd made the worst mistake of her life or the best one.

She looked around the room and snorted when she saw how it was decorated. Tommy hadn't been kidding when he'd said it was pink. The walls, bed and pillows were all pink and the furniture white. It was definitely a little princess's room.

Jude walked towards the bed and sat down the last ten minutes still running through her head.

"_I am so sorry Jude," Tommy said but he was cut off by Jude. He opened his eyes to find Jude standing right in front of him. She'd placed her hand on his cheek and she was staring intently at him. "Jude-" Tommy said but her lips cut him off. _

_  
_She hadn't even thought about the repercussions of such an act. She hadn't wanted an apology. She'd needed a way to shut him up and a kiss just seemed like the thing to do. Hell, it's what they did, when they couldn't find the words they either ran or kissed each other. In this case, kissing was more the more alluring choice. It had been over three years since their last one. She'd been curious.

Jude smiled as she touched her fingertips to her lips. The kiss had been all that she'd hoped for. Better than any of their other kisses. She laid down and looked up at the ceiling as she thought about the moments after the kiss.

_Jude pulled away again and opened her eyes to find Tommy staring at her with a look she never seen from him before. He'd leaned forward for another kiss but Jude ducked under his arm and climbed down from the sound board. She started walking towards the door but turned to face him one last time. She opened her mouth to say something but froze when no words came to her. She finally just closed her mouth and left the studio._

It was the look in his eyes that had scared her. Always before there had been a gentleness in his eyes, a look that one gave their friends. But tonight he'd looked at her like a man looks at a woman he desired and would take if given a chance. She hadn't been ready for that.

Jude stood up and walked towards the window and looked out at the sky. She'd always known she loved him. Even when she thought she hated him, she knew that the love was still there. But tonight, kissing him, had shown her that her feelings for him were even stronger than she'd known.

And that scared her.

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Tommy watched Jude walk out of the studio and fell back in his chair when his knees grew weak. She'd thrown him with the first kiss. He'd never seen it coming. One minute he'd been trying to apologize and the next minute his arms were full of Jude.

Tommy shook his head as he tried to shake the after effects off from the kiss. His lips were still tingling and every time he closed his eyes he could still picture her before she'd realized what had just happened. He couldn't regret the kiss. It's what he'd been hoping for since he'd returned to Toronto and to Jude's life. But he could regret all the pain and hurt he'd caused by his leaving.

The truth was he hadn't allowed himself to think of Jude when he'd first left. He'd been to concerned with his sister and his family. But then later, when he'd let thoughts of her back in, he'd pictured her happy. Even when all the articles had said she wasn't looking good or she was hiding out, he'd chalked it up to media hype. But to hear from her own lips that she'd been a wreck; it broke his heart.

Tommy slammed his hand down on the sound board before standing up and pacing around the small room. He'd never imagined this as the first night on their weekend away. He'd planned on a quiet night, maybe a movie or a light dinner. There would have been no working but just time to relax.

Now Jude was in her room thinking God knows what, probably planning an escape route back to Toronto. She'd expected a place where she could relax and work on her music in peace and he'd given her another thing to think about…worry about. He was such a great producer.

Tommy turned towards the door, he needed to talk to her. To apologize and not let her brush him off this time. He had to get her to listen. He was halfway up the basement stairs when he realized that cornering her after she'd already made it pretty clear she didn't want to talk was not the best idea.

He finished heading up the stairs and walked into the kitchen. He could tell Jude wasn't on the main floor and he took a deep breath as he leaned against the counter facing the stairs that lead to the bedrooms.

A part of him wanted her to walk down those stairs so they could finish the conversation that had been started in the studio. He wanted his chance to respond to everything she told him. He wanted to apologize. But he knew that talking to each other wouldn't get them anywhere. Either they would end up fighting or possibly kissing again and even though that sounded okay now, it wouldn't work for the long run.

The only way he knew that he could get her to listen was through music. If either one of them had something to say to each other it was better written down in a song then spoken to one another. With that thought Tommy hurried back down to the studio, he had a song to write and it had to be done before Jude woke up.

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Jude opened her eyes the next morning and groaned when she saw the sun shining through the hot pink curtains. She'd only planned on sleeping for a little awhile but her body must have had different plans. She rolled over and looked at the clock on the bedside table and sat up quickly. It was after eight and she'd laid down a little after seven the night before. She hadn't slept twelve hours in so long she couldn't even remember ever sleeping that long.

Jude climbed out from under the pink spread and walked into the adjoining bathroom. She was so use to seeing dark circles below her eyes that seeing a well rested version of herself was a shock to her system. She looked healthy and wide awake. Her stomach started rumbling and she made a face before she did her morning ritual of washing her face, brushing her teeth and getting dressed.

Soon she walked slowly down the stairs and sighed in relief when she saw the empty floor. Tommy was either still asleep or down in the studio. She wasn't sure which one she hoped for but the kitchen was free and she needed to eat now. She did a little dance as she opened her box of pop tarts and decided that she'd eat them without using the toaster. She was way too hungry to wait another two minutes for them to cook.

"Jude," Tommy said from the doorway to the basement.

"Holy Crap!" Jude yelled jumping as she whipped around to face him. She hadn't heard him and prayed that he hadn't seen her happy dance. That would be more than a little embarrassing.

"Sorry," Tommy said hiding a smile behind his hand. He'd watched her in the doorway for a moment and wanted to comment on the little dance but didn't want to annoy her.

"Ah…good morning," Jude said when the silence got to be too much.

"I was wondering if you were ever going to wake up," Tommy said giving her his killer half smile. The one that always caused her heart to skip a beat. It wasn't fair that he still had that much control over her.

"I was tired," Jude said shrugging her shoulders. She frantically searched her mind for something to say but Tommy surprised her.

"I have something I want you to see in the studio," Tommy said before turning and walking back down the steps.

Jude stood in the kitchen looking down at her pop tart in her hand and then at the doorway. She assumed she was suppose to follow him and slowly made her way to the studio where he stood in front of the sound board looking nervous.

"It's in the recording room," Tommy said gesturing towards the other door in the room. "I wrote a song last night…couldn't sleep. I…ah…wanted you to sing it for me. If you would?"

Jude stared at him for a minute hoping that she didn't look as surprised as she felt. He'd never written a song for her before. It was always her writing songs about him or for him. Not that she ever told him they were about him…until White Lines. She hadn't been able to sing that song without telling him the truth.

She finally nodded her head and made her way into the tiny room and put the headphones over her ears and closed her eyes as the music started slowly, the piano putting her at ease. The feeling didn't last long when she opened her eyes and read the first line. This wasn't just a normal song, this one meant something, to the both of them.

_I know I wasn't there  
when you needed me the most.  
I know I didn't care,  
and was afraid to get so close.  
Tonight it's getting hard to fall asleep  
cause it's becoming clear that I broke it all into pieces  
and I cannot reverse it  
so I've got one more thing to say_

Jude looked into Tommy's eyes before starting the chorus of the song. This wasn't just some song that he wrote or she wrote. This was him laying his heart out on the line and Jude couldn't have held the tears back even if she wanted to. It helped to see the tears falling down his face.

**  
**_I'm sorry for your pain.  
I'm sorry for your tears.  
For all the little things I didn't know.  
I'm sorry for the words I didn't say  
but what I still do-  
I'm still loving you_

Tommy watched as Jude immersed herself in the lyrics. It was something that constantly surprised him, that she could totally lose herself in a song. She put everything she had into every song she recorded.

_I know I let you wait  
I've been away for far too long  
but now I can relate  
to everything that I did wrong  
stop breathing when I think I'm losing you  
and there'll be no excuse so I'm on my knees  
so listen please  
let me hold your hand once again _

Jude wiped her eyes clean and focused on the next part. She'd never heard the song before, never read the words but she knew it already. It was going to be one of the best songs on her album. Not because it was a powerful song and the music haunting but only she would know the true meaning behind the song. Well herself and the few people in her life who knew the story between Tommy and her.

**  
**_I'm sorry for your pain  
I'm sorry for your tears  
for all the little things I didn't know  
I'm sorry for the words I didn't say  
I'm sorry for the lies  
I'm sorry for the fights  
for not showing' my love a thousand times  
I'm sorry for the things that I've called mine  
but what I still do  
I'm still loving you_  
_Hooh yehh _

Tommy had sat down the night before with a pen and paper and the words had flowed easily. He'd known exactly what he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it. He was glad she was still singing the song, he'd been afraid that she would read through the first part and storm out. She was so against hearing his apology that he thought she wouldn't like the song.

_I'm sorry for your pain  
and I'm sorry for your tears  
for all the little things I didn't know  
I'm sorry for the words I didn't say  
I'm sorry for the lies  
and I'm sorry for the fights  
for not showing' my love a thousand times  
I'm sorry for the things that I've called mine  
but what I still do  
I'm still loving you_

_Ohhh yeah_

Jude took a deep breath and stared into Tommy's eyes, both drenched in tears. She'd been afraid to hear his apology. Afraid to hear him say the words because words were so easy to say. Hearing the words wouldn't have changed anything. The pain still would have been there and the hurt and anger. But singing them in a song he'd stayed up all night writing for her, that showed her he meant the words. That he really was sorry.

"_That's what I'll always do," _Jude sang softly ending the song with her own addition. He looked surprised to find her ad-libbing but he just shut the board down and stood staring at her from the other side of the window.

Jude took the headphones off her head and wiped her eyes again blinking rapidly to stop the flow of tears. There would be no more crying. No more dwelling on the past that couldn't be changed. It wasn't making her feel any better to rehash the past over and over in her mind or out loud. She walked out of the recording room with a smile on her face. She felt lighter, free from all the emotional baggage that had been plaguing her for years.

Tommy watched her walk out of the room with a smile on her face. That wasn't what he expected. He'd planned on more tears, on having to say the words again and to tell her that he truly was sorry. That he'd never meant to cause her any pain. But she just walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled her head into the crook of his neck.

He smiled as he wrapped his arms around her back and tightened the hold. It was remarkable what a little soul-cleansing could do. The day was starting better than he ever could have hoped for.

**Please review. I really want to know what you think. **

**Next Chapter:  
-Karma gets an ass chewing!!!! Yeah!!!!  
-A little Jommy loving that we all need!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you to everybody who reviewed for the last chapter. I loved every one of them. I'm glad you all looked forward to Karma being chewed out. I always wanted somebody to put her in her place. Not that I don't like her, because I do. I hope to develop her into a nice secondary character by the end of this story. **

**I loved writing this chapter and I hope you do too. :)**

Karma stormed out of Darius's office. She'd never been so angry at anyone before and she didn't even know who to be angry at. All Darius would say was nobody wanted to work with her. The number one artist in both the United States and Canada and nobody wanted to work with her.

Darius hadn't said she was done at G Major but she wasn't too high on his list either. If she didn't find a producer soon, she wouldn't be one of Canada's Instant Stars anymore, she'd be an Instant Joke.

She strode across the lobby of G Major not paying attention to the interns and artists jumping out of her way. She burst through the door of the first studio she came to and stared at Spied, Wally, and Kyle but didn't say anything.

Wally and Kyle shared a look before making their excuses as they hurried out of the room. Spied rolled his eyes at his band mate's reaction to an obviously pissed off Karma but he couldn't honestly blame him. Karma wasn't the easiest person to get along with when she was happy let alone angry.

"Who in the hell do they think they are!" Karma yelled as she paced in front of Spied.

Spied could tell it was a rhetorical question and she wasn't expecting him to answer but he couldn't help but push her buttons a little. "Who's they?"

Karma whipped around so she was facing him. She hadn't even noticed he was still in the room, she'd assumed he's taken off with Wally and Kyle. "Every damn producer that works for G Major."

"That's a lot of people," Spied said wondering what G Major could have done to Karma.

"A lot of worthless people," Karma said wishing she could throw something. But Darius had warned her that if she broke any more G Major property she would be fined.

"G Major's record sales say otherwise," Spied said arching one eyebrow when she glared at him. If looks could kill Spied would be dead on the floor. "I'm just stating the truth Karma. We're the number one Record Label in the country."

"Then how come Darius can't find one producer to help me with my next album," Karma said crossing her arms over her chest as she tapped her foot in impatience. "I'm G Major's best current artist since Jude hasn't had a new hit in years."

"You're G Majors biggest pain in the ass," Spied said wishing he'd left the room with Kyle and Wally.

"Excuse me," Karma said shocked. Nobody talked to her that way. Especially Spied, he'd never spoken to her like that and she didn't like it at all.

"You heard me Karma," Spied said standing up. He put his guitar down and moved to leave the room but Karma stepped in his path blocking the door.

"I am not a pain in anybody's ass," Karma said jabbing him in the chest with one of her acrylic nails.

"You sure about that," Spied said his voice becoming dangerously quiet. He rarely got mad and it was even stranger for him to get pissed off but Karma just seemed to bring out the anger in him.

"You're just mad that I chose to be single over being your girlfriend," Karma said rolling her eyes. She'd known that he'd had strong feelings when she'd dumped him two years ago and had even had her own feelings that were more than friendly. But if you wanted to be famous you sometimes had to pay a price. By staying single she left the impression with her fans that they could have her someday. Spied hadn't seen it that way.

"No Karma, I'm actually glad you chose your career over me," Spied said smiling for the first time since she'd walked into the studio. He hadn't been happy with her decision at first but seeing the real her immerge as she'd become more famous showed him that they couldn't have lasted.

"You say that now but back then…" Karma said her voice trailing off as she saw the anger grow in his eyes.

"Back then huh," Spied said shaking his head. "Do you mean when you dated me so you could sleep with me thinking you could hurt Jude that way?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Karma said turning around to leave but Spied stopped her this time. He grabbed her shoulder pulling her back and then pushed her, none to gently, into one of the empty chairs.

Spied never planned on having it out with her. He didn't like dwelling in the past, it was over and done with to his way of thinking. But Karma needed a dose of reality in her life and since nobody else seemed to want to be the one to tell her, he was going to have to do it.

"You're a bitch Karma," Spied said glaring at her when she opened her mouth making her shut it without saying anything. "Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Everybody needs to be a bitch once in awhile but you're all bitch." He paced away from her but soon enough he faced her again.

"Three years ago I didn't mind the bitch part. Truth is I found your jealousy of Jude kinda sexy," he said honestly.

"I am not jealous of Jude," Karma said through clenched teeth.

"Oh not anymore," Spied agreed. "There's not that much to be jealous of at this point. Her career has been drifting and her life is a mess right? Fact is you probably enjoy it."

"That is not true," Karma said but she could tell her face was turning red.

"You were jealous of her though," Spied continued as if she hadn't said anything. "That's why you tried so hard to sabotage her. But your probably thinking now what a waste of my time. She wrecked her own career."

"I don't think that," Karma tried to argue but it fell on deaf ears because they both knew the truth.

"You should be jealous of her Karma," Spied said smirking when he had her full attention. "Oh not because of her new CD she's working on, even though we both know it's gonna kick ass. But because of who she is. You should pray for once ounce of her dignity, her compassion."

"You're in love with her," Karma said surprised to find out how much that hurt.

"You'd think that," Spied said shaking his head at her. "No I'm not in love with Jude. I love her yes but as a best friend, a sister. She's the classiest girl I know and I hope to fall in love with someone like her."

Spied stared at Karma and found himself feeling sorry for her. She was the same age as him and Jude but she was so immature compared to them. She had no idea what the real world was like. He didn't know much of her background, just that she came from a wealthy family. She'd never had to work for a single thing and it showed.

"You're a diva Karma," Spied finally said feeling tired all of a sudden. That's why he hated getting angry, it took too much energy. It was easier to just go with the flow. "You refuse to compromise on anything and you don't take constructive criticism. You think you know everything when you probably know the least. Of course nobody wants to work with you."

"It shouldn't matter if they like me or not," Karma argued but Spied thought it was without much passion behind it. "It's a job, just produce a record and make money."

"That's one of your biggest problems Karma," Spied said walking towards the door but he stopped and added. "It's not always about the money. For most people it's about the music and the process has to be enjoyable or it's crap."

Karma watched him leave the room and wished she could get up and chase him down. Wished she could tell him how wrong he was about her. That she wasn't a diva or a bitch. But she couldn't, even though lying was a sport for her, lying to Spied was pointless. He was probably the only person in the whole world who could see right through her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I thought you said walk," Jude said trailing behind Tommy. Shortly after they'd finished recording the song Tommy had suggested a short walk on one of his favorite trails behind his cabin. "This is starting to feel like a hike."

"It's just a little walk," Tommy said without turning around.

"No, once around the block is a walk," Jude argued but she was smiling. It was nice to banter back and forth.

"We've only gone a mile," Tommy said chuckling.

"Oh no," Jude said plopping down on the nearest rock. "I haven't done a mile since freshman year, break time."

Tommy turned to face her and wanted to laugh, not at her but at himself. He was definitely gone on her if he was thinking about kissing her while she looked like she'd run marathon. Her face was bright red, she was totally out of breath, and her face was shiny with sweat. She didn't look like the Jude Harrison the world saw every day.

"What do you do for exercise back home?" Tommy asked walking closer to her. Portia and Darius must make her do something physical so she stayed in shape.

"The walk to and from my apartment is quite long," Jude said innocently.

"You take an elevator," Tommy stated.

"Portia made me join a gym," Jude said inspection her fingernails.

"Joining a gym and going are two very different words," Tommy pointed out.

"I was blessed with an amazing metabolism," Jude said shrugging her shoulders. She didn't need to exercise which was great because she hated it.

"You eat like a kid," Tommy said picturing her breakfast of pop tarts. The breakfast of champions it was not.

"I do not," Jude denied in mock outrage. "Plenty of adults eat pop tarts and grilled cheese."

"As their staples…" Tommy asked smirking.

"Okay, maybe not," Jude admitted smiling. "But I hate to cook. I burn everything and if by some miracle it's not burned it tastes like it should be."

"You could learn," Tommy said shaking his head because it was true. She couldn't cook.

"Or I could hire a cook," she said chuckling.

"It would cost less to learn," he said.

"Are you offering?" Jude asked arching an eyebrow.

"You couldn't afford me,' Tommy teased.

"Then hiring a cook is cheaper," she pointed out.

"Are we going to finish our walk?" he asked chuckling at her. She always had an answer to everything even if it didn't make sense.

"Are you going to carry me?" Jude asked as she made herself more comfortable on her rock.

"It's not much farther," Tommy said hoping she'd stand up. He really wanted to show her his special spot. The one place he'd gone to think over everything. It's where he'd made the decision to go back to Toronto.

"Fine," Jude said grumbling under her breath as she stood up. Tommy took the lead again and they finished her walk in silence. It felt like hours to Jude when Tommy announced that they had reached their destination but it had actually been more like minutes.

"We're here," Tommy said stopping almost causing Jude to run into him. She'd been too busy plotting the many ways to pay him back for their 'walk' to pay attention.

"We're where?" Jude asked confused. She'd assumed they were heading back to the cabin, not to the middle of no where.

"My spot," Tommy said standing near the edge of a cliff.

Jude walked over so she was standing beside him looking out over the ground below. She could see the small town that Tommy had grown up in. She spotted a small lake that was populated by fisherman probably hoping to catch some fish for their dinner that night. It was one of the most peaceful spots Jude had ever seen.

"It's beautiful," Jude said forgetting about her sore feet for the moment.

"I found this spot shortly after I moved into the cabin," Tommy explained. "I started taking hikes when the quiet got to be too much. Found this after a couple days and this became my spot."

"I can't blame you for that," Jude said pulling her gaze away fro a moment so she could find a place to sit down. She grabbed Tommy's hand pulling him alone with her.

"This is where I made my decision to return to Toronto," Tommy said after they'd both gotten comfortable. "I was so dissatisfied with my life and I just knew I needed to get away from Montana but I didn't know where to go. I had offers in LA and even some in Miami but sitting here…I knew where I had to go." He turned and smiled at her, leaning over to gently kiss her on the lips.

"Then I need to thank God that you found this spot," Jude said smiling up at him. "I don't know what would happened to me if you hadn't come back Tommy."

"You would have sat down with Kwest and Spied and made one hell of an album," Tommy said optimistically causing her to snort.

"No I wouldn't have," Jude said shaking her head. "I was so lost Tommy, for too damn long. Truth is I lost the music their for awhile. Everything I wrote either started out great and I couldn't finish it or it just sucked from the beginning. I know Darius was getting frustrated with me. I sang at the opening of G Major's new studio and I had to sing some of my hits from years ago."

"You would have found it again," Tommy insisted hating to hear how his absence had affected her.

"I don't think so," Jude said softly. "You are so much a part of my music Tommy. If my songs aren't about you they are influenced by you. You've showed me so much and having you gone, with no notice or reason, it broke me."

"I am so sorry Jude," Tommy said wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

"It's not your fault Tommy," Jude said being honest for the first time. "I never should have relied on you like that. It's not healthy for my career or my personal life. It wasn't fair to you and it even makes me seem weak in a way."

"You are not weak," Tommy said looking at her like she was crazy. How could she ever think that she was weak? "Look at all the crap you've been through. There isn't a tougher person out there and I've been everywhere."

"I just want you to know that it's not going to be like that anymore," Jude said scaring him a bit. It sounded like she wasn't going to let him be her producer anymore. Jude saw the look on his face and gently placed her hand on his cheek. "You're still going to be my producer Tom Quincy so don't look at me that way. But I need to take my music back. I need to have that control back. It can't be all about you anymore. It's not healthy."

"I understand," Tommy said after moment and he did. If there was one person in the world who deserved to have control of her life, all of her life, it was Jude.

"I'm glad," Jude said relieved that she wasn't going to have to deal with the old Tommy who would have walked away to sulk. Maybe both of them had finally grown up a little.

They both sat there, content to just stare out at the view. They watched eagles soar and heard things moving around in the woods. Tommy kept his arm wrapped around her shoulders and they couldn't have told you who reached for the other's hand first but they sat on that rock snuggling like teenagers and didn't move until Jude's stomach started rumbling.

"I told you, you should have ate more than those two pop tarts," Tommy said smiling.

"It's been hours," Jude argued. "It's lunch time now."

"Let me guess," Tommy said standing up first. "Grilled cheese sandwiches."

"I'm not picky," Jude said taking the hand he offered her. He pulled her up and smiled as she wiped the seat of her pants. "Peanut butter and jelly works for me."

Tommy shook his head and he started down the trail. He walked about ten feet when he realized Jude wasn't walking behind him. He turned around and saw her still standing by the rock staring at him like he was crazy. "What's wrong?" he asked confused.

"You actually think I'm going to make it all the way back down this mountain," Jude said making a face.

Tommy shook his head but he was smiling when he turned around and crouched down. Jude smiled triumphantly and walked over to him and climbed onto his back. She loved piggy back rides.

"This isn't going to become a habit," Tommy warned as he started down the path.

"We'll see," was all Jude would say but he was right, it wasn't going to become a habit. If he thought he was going to ever talk her into taking a walk again he was nuts.

**Next Chapter:  
-Jude and Tommy host a family dinner.  
-Sadie calls with some news that upsets Jude.  
-More Jommyness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Okay so I know I said Jude was going to get a phone call but the chapter started getting too long and I just couldn't get it to feel right. But I hope you like everything else. I've been working hard on this chapter for awhile now and I would have updated sooner but I had to tune in to MTV's VMAs. Britney's big comeback was tonight and I just have to say, she didn't come back. **

**I really hope you like this chapter so please let me know what you think.**

Jude stared at the only photograph she'd found in her pursuit of getting to know Tommy better through his home décor. So far she'd learned nothing. The cabin was sparsely decorated and it had taken her ten minutes to even locate the photograph in the cheap frame hidden on the bookshelf.

"Is this Maria and Caroline?" Jude asked walking back into the kitchen where Tommy stood making some soup and sandwiches. He'd decided that he could do better than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Tommy looked up from dishing the soup into bowls and smiled at the photo she was talking about. Maria had put the photo on the bookcase telling him he had to have something personal on display, that the cabin looked like he was renting it instead of owning it.

"Yeah that's my sister and my favorite niece," Tommy said carrying the bowls to the table. The grilled cheese sandwiches were already done and the table set. "Lunch is ready."

Jude set the photo down on the table as she took her seat. Her stomach was growling and her mouth literally watering as she stared at the food in front of her. She took a bite her mouth burning when the soup was hot but it was also one of the best things she'd ever tasted.

"It is so good," Jude said blowing on the next spoonful so she didn't burn her mouth again.

"It's from a can," Tommy said shaking his head at her. If he'd had time he would have made it from scratch but Jude wouldn't have lasted the hour it would have taken.

"I've had canned soup," Jude said in disbelief.

"This is what it tastes like properly heated," Tommy said smirking when she glared at him.

They ate for awhile in a comfortable silence. Jude intent on filling her stomach and Tommy just happy to be sitting across the table from her. He'd never thought he'd be able to do this again. To just sit in silence and not have it feel uncomfortable.

"I want to meet them," Jude said surprising him.

"Who?" Tommy asked confused.

"Your family," Jude said looking down at the picture that was sitting beside her on the table.

"Why?" Tommy asked staring at her. He never would have thought she'd be interesting in meeting his family, so he told her that.

"Why wouldn't I want to meet your family?" Jude asked.

"Why would you?" Tommy asked again.

"Because it's your family," Jude explained confused.

"I don't think it's a good idea," Tommy said standing up and walking back into the kitchen.

Jude stood up and followed him. "Why not?" She watched as he filled the sink with water so he could wash dishes. He hadn't even finished his lunch yet but he wanted to wash the dishes?

"It's just not," Tommy said wishing she'd go back and finish the lunch. Hell if he was going to wish for something he wished he could go back to yesterday and he would have hidden the picture of his sister and niece.

"I want to meet your family Tommy," Jude said again. She didn't understand what the big deal was. It was his family. He liked them because he smiled whenever he casually mentioned them. It wasn't like she was asking him to give her the moon. She just wanted to meet his family. "I think we should invite them over for dinner tonight."

Tommy stood at the sink staring out the window into the backyard. He didn't know how to explain that even though he loved his sister and niece, he didn't necessarily want them in his real life. Maria was still close with their father. She was working for him and she lived in his house once again. When he'd left his father had told him not to contact them. He knew that if he called her his father would find out. That didn't bother him in the least but his father would make Maria's life a living hell.

"Tommy you met my family," Jude pointed out when he didn't say anything. When he turned his head so he was staring at her with one eyebrow raised. "Okay so not the best way to convince you but it's still a valid point."

"Jude…" Tommy said sighing when he saw the look she gave him. Whenever she got that glint in her eyes he knew there was no changing her mind. "I'll call Maria but I'm not promising anything."

"Thank you," Jude said walking over to him so she could place a chaste kiss on his cheek. He stared at the phone on the counter and took a deep breath as he reached for it. He prayed Maria answered and not his father or one of the many employees his father had working for him. They would be quick to report that he was on the phone asking for Maria. This was not what he'd planned when he'd whisked Jude away for the weekend. Not in the least.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jude watched as Tommy lit a fire in the fireplace. She'd tried to light one earlier but a girl scout she was not. She felt bad because it had been her idea to invite his family over and yet she hadn't been much help in preparing for the evening. He'd kicked her out of the kitchen when she'd let the pasta boil over, how was she suppose to know she needed to add a bit of oil to make sure that didn't happen?

"Shouldn't they be here by now?" Jude asked her impatience for the night showing. She tugged on the blue sweater she'd put on earlier making sure there were no wrinkles. She hadn't packed her meet the family clothes, not that she knew what to wear when meeting Tommy's family.

"Any minute," Tommy said standing back up. Maria had answered the phone and she'd said yes to the invite and hung up before Tommy could change his mind. He'd had to mentally restrain himself from picking the phone back up telling her it was cancelled.

Jude nodded her head and looked around the living room one last time before sitting down on the couch. She was really nervous and she hated feeling nervous. But this was Tommy's family. This was an important part of his life, even if he didn't admit it, his sister and niece were the two most important people in his life. He'd dropped everything to go and take care of her three years ago. That showed they had a bond and Jude really wanted Maria to like her. She jumped back up when she heard the knock on the door. They were here and she watched as Tommy opened the door. She heard the little girl before she saw her.

"Uncle Tommy!" Caro cried launching herself at him.

Tommy had a huge smile when he carried his niece into the living room. "Hey Care Bear," he said squeezing her tight before setting her back on the floor. "Have you grown since I've seen you last?"

"No," Caro said shaking her head. "But I did get a new bike since you've been gone. Grandpa got me a new one. It's pink with purple streamers."

"Wow," Tommy said looking suitably impressed.

"Grandpa has been spoiling her rotten," Maria said walking in behind her brother and daughter. She was smiling when she saw how animated Caro was describing her newest possession. Three years ago she barely said two words. Now you couldn't get her to shut up.

"Caro…Maria," Tommy said after his niece finished describing every square inch of her bike. "I'd like you to meet Jude Harrison. She's…the artist I'm producing."

Maria wanted to roll her eyes at Tommy's idea of an introduction. Between the look Tommy was giving Jude and the look on her face, it didn't take a genius to see she was way more than just his artist. "It's nice to meet you," she said walking forward so they could shake hands. "I've never met one of Tommy's…artists."

Tommy could feel his face flushing. His sister wasn't an idiot and she probably recognized her from his photo album. "Jude needed a break from Toronto so we decided to take a working vacation."

"It's really nice to meet you," Jude said tucking her hair behind her ears.

"I like your hair," Caro said staring up at her. She was fingering her long dark curly hair with a grimace on her face.

"I like your hair," Jude said crouching down so she was talking to her instead of at her. "When I was little I always wanted curly hair. My hair is always straight or if I'm lucky a little natural wave."

"Straight hair doesn't hurt when you brush it," Caro pointed out making Jude chuckle.

"You're right," Jude said shrugging her shoulders. "Beauty is pain though. That's what my friend Portia is always telling me." Caro joined Jude on the couch where they started discussing the pro's and con's of looking beautiful.

"Are you sure this was a smart idea?" Maria asked Tommy staring at her daughter who was enamored with the celebrity.

"What?" Tommy asked heading towards the kitchen to check on their dinner.

"Bringing her here…alone," Maria said following him.

"She needed a break but we also needed to work," Tommy explained. "It made sense for us to go somewhere private that had a working studio."

"And her boyfriend was okay with this?" Maria asked sighing when she saw him clench and unclench his hands. "Because she does have a boyfriend. They are one of the hottest couples in Hollywood right now."

"They aren't," Tommy said shaking his head. But he couldn't continue because it wasn't his place to say if they were or not.

"You don't sound too sure about that," Maria pointed out. She hated watching him fall even more under the young singer's spell and then have her choose the Hollywood playboy over him.

"I don't know what they are exactly," Tommy admitted. "I just know how I feel." He walked over to where he could see Jude talking with Caro in the next room. "Being around her again…it just feels right."

"You can't help how you feel," Maria said softly. "But do you know how she feels?"

"She cares," Tommy said just as softly. "But she hasn't said." He turned so he was facing his sister once again. "I think she's afraid to tell me how she feels. I have a habit of running away when we start getting close."

Maria smiled sadly at her brother. She didn't really blame him for running away from his feelings. He hadn't had the best of luck when it came to relationships. Any kind of relationship.

"Is dinner ready?" Jude asked walking into the kitchen. She stared at Tommy and his sister wondering what they were discussing that was putting a sad look on both their faces.

"Yeah," Tommy said handing the stack of plates to his sister so she could start setting the table.

Dinner was okay, with Caro dominating most of the conversation. She talked about her school, her bike, and her friends. Jude wracked her brain, scrambling for something to say to Maria but she kept coming up with nothing. But that changed when everybody was finished and Jude offered to do the dishes while Tommy caught up with his sister and his niece.

"I'll help you," Maria said gathering Caro's plate and her own. When Tommy opened his mouth to say something she cut him off. "You go play a game with Caro."

Jude took a deep breath before following Tommy's sister into the kitchen carrying Tommy's and her own plate. She watched as Maria filled the sink with water before she turned around to face Jude.

"Before you say anything," Jude said quickly as she set the plates down by the sink. "I care for your brother very much. He's been….my inspiration for so many things."

"You care for him," Maria said nodding her head. "You have to know that he's in love you. Has been since you were 15." When Jude just stared at her she smiled shaking her head. "He didn't tell you that of course. Couldn't tell you because of the law and his own code of conduct."

"I don't…" Jude said unsure of how to respond to that. She wanted to say that hearing that made her heart skip and beat and she wished she could just say the words back but she was afraid.

"You have a boyfriend," Maria said staring her down.

"I do," Jude admitted.

"You love him?" Maria asked.

"No," Jude answered honestly. "I care for him. He's a good guy. But I'm not in love with him. I never was."

"Do you love my brother?" Maria asked point blank.

Jude closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she attempted to answer the question that she'd been asking herself since Tommy had walked into that studio a couple weeks ago. "Do you know how many times Tommy has broken my heart?" She didn't bother waiting for a response because Maria couldn't possibly know the number. "Three times. That's three times that I've put my heart out there, on the line and had it rejected."

Jude walked back into the dining room and gathered a few more dishes before she continued. "So now that he's back and he's offering me something that I've wanted since I was fifteen, terrifies me." She looked at Maria with tears in her eyes. "But just spending the day with him today was heaven."

"You love him," Maria said smiling genuinely at her for the first time.

"I never stopped," Jude said softly.

"He's a good guy," Maria said turning to start washing dishes.

Jude walked back to the dining room and smiled when she saw Caro and Tommy playing chutes and ladders on the living room floor. "He really is," she admitted quietly to herself. A month ago she wouldn't have been able to say that but being with him now, he was proving to her that he had changed. That he was ready to be the guy she had wanted him to be years ago. She just didn't know if she was ready now.

**Next Chapter:  
-Jude gets a phone call from Sadie. (I promise this time)  
-They both head back to Toronto.**


	19. Chapter 19

**So it's been a long time and I know most of you want to hang me in the town square. I'm so sorry but I've had the worst writer's block. It's taken me forever to get this chapter out and it's not that long. Please leave me a review and tell me what you think. Thanks.**

Maria watched as Caro climbed into the backseat of her car from Tommy's front porch. The evening had turned out to be a lot of fun. After the dinner and her conversation with Jude, Maria had relaxed and just got to know the young woman.

"I like her Tom," she said softly turning to look back into the cabin. She smiled when she saw Jude cleaning up their impromptu pillow fight they'd just had.

"You sound surprised," Tommy said turning so he was also looking at Jude.

And she was. When she'd first heard about Jude Harrison and noticed her brother's preoccupation with the artist she'd been concerned. The age difference had been the biggest problem as far as Maria was concerned But after spending the last couple hours with her she saw what her brother had seen from the first moment he'd spent with her. Jude Harrison was not an ordinary girl.

"I am," Maria admitted stepping down from the porch. She stared up at the sky as Tommy fell into step beside her. "She's different then the tabloids describe her as."

"In the tabloids she's Jake Ryan's girlfriend," Tommy pointed out. "You just met the real Jude Harrison."

"Be careful Tommy," Maria warned him as they reached the driver's side door.

"Maria…" he said slowly shaking his head.

"She's in a relationship Tommy," Maria pointed out. "And she is only 20."

Tommy leaned against the car as he stared at the cabin. "You know what I realized three years ago, I just never got a chance to act on it." When Maria didn't say anything and just looked at him he continued. "That age is just a number. That it doesn't matter that she's 8 years younger than me. I love her…I started falling for her the moment I met her and she called me Little Tommy Q. I'm just Tommy to her…and she's just Jude to me."

"I hope it works out Tommy," Maria said meaning it. She climbed into her car and within a couple minutes they were gone.

Tommy made his way back to the cabin slowly, taking his time so he could gather his thoughts. He spotted Jude standing in front of the fireplace staring into the flames. "Hey," he said breaking into her thoughts.

Jude turned to face him and smiled half-heartedly. "Hey," she mumbled sounding and looking uncomfortable.

"What's wrong?" Tommy asked concerned.

"I can't do this Tommy," Jude said softly. Tommy stared at her for a moment before he closed his eyes and counted to ten. "I can't stay here and be with you…act like I'm single when I'm not." He opened his eyes at that and found her looking utterly disgusted with herself. "I have a….well there's Jake."

"You don't…can't," Tommy said searching for the right words.

"I don't have feelings for him," Jude said for him. "But he's a good guy. He doesn't deserve to be cheated on." When Tommy just kept staring at her she hugged herself and added softly, "I'm not a cheater."

"You can't believe that he's never cheated on you," Tommy said knowing that she had to have read the same stories he had in the magazines for the past couple years.

"I never asked him," Jude admitted. "But the difference is…I wouldn't care if he had."

"But he would care if you did," Tommy said nodding his head.

"I don't have feeling for him but he has feelings for me," Jude said looking back into the fire. "Or he at least thinks he does."

"So what does this mean exactly?" Tommy finally asked when neither of them said anything for a couple minutes.

"It means," Jude said sighing. "That I have to end things with him." When Tommy got that look in his eyes Jude shook her head at him. "We're taking this slow Tommy. I can't just jump into this…thing with you. I can't."

Tommy walked towards her slowly and cupped her cheeks in his hands. "This thing, as you called it," Tommy said smiling at her. "Is what we've been waiting years for." He kissed her forehead gently before walking towards the stairs. "Oh and it's called a relationship."

Jude turned and glared into the fire. She hated that he could just walk into her life and act like he'd never left. That he could kiss her and tell her that he wanted to be with her. That he had nothing holding him back anymore. It was so damn easy for him. She'd never broken his heart before.

She walked towards the stairs but turned and headed for the studio. She couldn't go upstairs and be across the hall with only two doors separating herself from him. She wanted to be with him more than she'd wanted anything in her life. But she couldn't do that to Jake.

Jude ran her hands through her hair as she walked into the studio. When she'd left with Tommy on this little working vacation she'd barely thought about Jake and his feelings. She'd left him in her apartment with that hurt puppy dog look on his face that he was famous for. The only thought in her mind had been getting away from everything that was causing her misery. The only person she could stand to be around was Tommy…which shocked the hell out of her.

She'd always cared for Tommy, even in her darkest hour when she'd been cursing his name, she'd loved him. Having him back in her life and not only telling her he had feelings for her but showing her with every look, every touch…it was like having every one of her old fantasies she'd dreamed about at fifteen come true. It was everything she'd always hoped for.

But that's what terrified her. It seemed like every time she got something she wanted, two bad things were right around the corner. Since Tommy had always been her ultimate fantasy, she didn't even want to imagine what was waiting for her right around the corner. And she didn't even want to think about her Dad's reaction or Darius's. This couldn't have been what he'd planned when he'd allowed Tommy back at G Major.

Jude grabbed her guitar as she sat down in front of the sound board. Her fingers where itching for her to write a song. She strummed as she saw the lyrics in her mind. It was a song for Tommy…for herself. It had to sum up everything they'd been through but also provide hope for their future. It was going to be their song.

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Sadie shut the door as her Mom finally left. It had been another long evening of listening to her mother gripe and complain about everything. Of course the number one thing on Victoria's mind was Jude. Neither of them had spoken to Jude since the dinner but of course Victoria didn't believe her. She wanted Jude to apologize for her outburst in front of Don, like that would ever happen.

Then of course Stuart was next on the list. It seemed a little bird at told Victoria that Grandma Yvette was pregnant. Nobody was suppose to know. They hadn't even told Jude yet and they didn't want her to find out from anybody but them. Sadie had been happy for them but who knew how Jude would react? Rissa must have overheard Sadie on the phone with Yvette and then told Victoria. Sadie had just gotten a lecture on keeping things from her Mom, especially things concerning that woman.

"So she finally left," Kwest said from the doorway. He'd been hiding out in the family room while Sadie tried to calm her mom down. He'd heard everything they'd said but hadn't want to get involved.

Sadie walked right by him and into the kitchen where she grabbed the cordless phone off the counter. "She is getting her butt back home right now," she grumbled dialing Jude's number. "I shouldn't have to deal with our crazy Mother all on my own."

"Tommy said they weren't taking cell phones," Kwest pointed out.

"Jude would never leave town without her cell phone," Sadie said shaking her head. "Maybe Tommy didn't bring his but Jude has hers." Kwest watched as Sadie put the phone to ear and knew from the expression on Sadie's face that Jude didn't pick up.

"Jude Harrison get your butt back here," Sadie said after the beep. "Mom is driving me nuts…plus Dad has some…news he wants to tell you." She took another breath before continuing. "Please Jude…just call me back."

Kwest walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He chastely kissed her neck. He hated watching Sadie stress out. "You need to calm down," he whispered. "This stress can't be good for the baby."

"I know," Sadie agreed leaning back against her husband. "I just hate being stuck in the middle. But with my Mom I'm always stuck in the middle."

"You can't make Jude talk to her," Kwest said rubbing his hands up and down her arms.

"I know," Sadie said again. "But she is our Mom. I just wish Jude didn't hate her so much."

"It's different for you," Kwest said turning Sadie around so she was facing him. "When Victoria left you were an adult. You were ready to be away from your parents. Jude was still a teenager."

"I just wish she would sit down and talk to her," Sadie said frustrated.

"Someday they will," Kwest said optimistically.

"Yeah right," Sadie said closing her eyes. "Jude will be back tomorrow night anyways. She has an early performance at Behind the Mic on Monday. We'll have to tell her tomorrow about Dad and Yvette because you know Mom's going to be at that performance."

"Why do you say that?" Kwest asked confused. Victoria hated Jude's career.

"Because that's the only place she can guarantee that her youngest daughter will be," Sadie said before turning off the light and heading upstairs to get some sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

Tommy came downstairs the next morning yawning from another sleepless night. He'd tried to peek in on Jude but her bed had been empty and made. So either she'd gotten up really early, which he didn't believe, or she'd never gone upstairs the night before. He walked through the empty living room and kitchen hoping she was down in the studio. If she'd gone outside who knew how long it'd take him to find her.

Tommy smiled as he stepped down into the studio. Jude was curled up in a chair with a piece of paper laying in her lap. It wasn't the most comfortable looking position but he didn't have the heart to wake her.

He lifted the piece of paper up and saw the lyrics written on them. He'd just read the first line when the paper was ripped out of his hands.

"Hey," Tommy said staring down at Jude who still looked like she was half asleep.

"Haven't you ever heard of privacy?" Jude asked rubbing her eyes with her free hand.

"Since when have your songs every been private?" Tommy asked confused.

"Since now," Jude said standing up. She folded the piece of paper in put it in her back pocket. She saw him open his mouth and before he even said anything she knew he was going to push the issue.

"Why can't I read the song?" Tommy asked staring at her.

"It's not finished," Jude said stepping around him. She'd been up all night writing the song and it was probably one of the best ones she'd written in a long time but she wasn't sure if she wanted to share it yet. She needed another opinion and it couldn't be Tommy's.

"I'll help you finish it," Tommy offered shrugging his shoulders.

"You can't," Jude said quickly. She should have known that he'd say that.

"Jude I'm your producer," Tommy said shaking his head at her. She was acting so strange. "It's my job to help you finish your songs."

"Not this one," Jude said wishing she'd put the song away the night before so this wouldn't have become an issue.

"I don't understand," Tommy said slowly. "If I can't help you with your music then what am I doing as your producer."

"I can't explain it right now," Jude said wishing she could. She wished she could just say 'hey, the song is about you' but then it would just make him want to hear it even more. Besides the song was about much more than just him. It was about her and it laid her out completely open and she wasn't ready to share that with him.

"Fine," Tommy said walking around her.

Jude stood in place for a moment before she turned and followed him out of the studio and into the kitchen. She watched as he pulled out the toaster and her pop tarts. Even when he was obviously annoyed with her he would still make sure she was taken care of. While the pop tarts were toasting he started the coffee and soon he placed Jude's breakfast on the bar in front of her. He leaned back against the counter holding his coffee cup and waited for her to start eating.

"I think we should head back sooner than we planned-"

"Maybe we should go back to Toronto-"

Tommy and Jude stared at each other as they both spoke at the same time. Jude wished she could just go wrap her arms around him and promise him that just because he couldn't help her with one song didn't mean that she was pulling away from him. She still needed him to produce her. She'd always need him to produce her.

"We'll leave in an hour," Tommy said arching an eyebrow asking if that was okay with just a look.

"Okay," Jude said watching as he left the room. She looked down at the pop tarts in front of her and for the first time in a long time she couldn't eat them.

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Jude sat in the passenger seat of the car and tapped her foot restlessly. Tommy had barely said five words to her since he'd left the kitchen. He was still annoyed with the whole scene in the studio and she didn't blame him, she'd handled it badly.

When they'd gone another mile without saying anything she opened her purse and pulled out her cell phone. She might as well use the time to check for messages and maybe let G Major know she was coming back earlier than planned. Plus she should make sure she spoke to Jake soon. As in today.

When she saw only one voice mail she was surprised. Usually she couldn't be away from everybody for an hour before they were calling and texting her like crazy. She dialed her voicemail and she wasn't surprised that it was from Sadie.

"_Jude Harrison get your butt back here…Mom is driving me nuts…plus Dad has some…news he wants to tell you. Please Jude…just call me back."_

"Something's wrong," Jude said out loud already dialing Sadie's number.

"What?" Tommy asked surprised that she'd broken the silence. He'd been sure they wouldn't say a word the entire trip back to Toronto.

"Sadie left me a message and she's upset," Jude said as the phone rang in her ear. "Pick up Sadie," she muttered when it just continued to ring. She swore softly when her voice mail picked up. "Sadie it's Jude. I am so sorry I just got your message. Tommy and I are on our way back to Toronto as we speak. Call me as soon as you get this."

"Did she saw what's wrong?" Tommy asked picking up the speed. The sooner they got to the airport the sooner they would get to Toronto.

"Just that Victoria's driving her nuts and my Dad has news," Jude said staring out the window as she tried to imagine what his news could be. She didn't really care that their mother was driving her nuts, mainly because it was her own fault for letting her hang around so much. If she would adopt Jude's attitude Victoria wouldn't be around to drive her nuts.

"You could try Kwest's cell," Tommy said moving into the fast lane.

"Yeah," Jude said flipping her phone back open but it started ringing 'Dontcha' and Jude felt her face flush. "It's Sadie's ring tone."

"Figures," Tommy said rolling his eyes. Only Sadie could like a song like that.

"Sadie," Jude said holding the phone up to her ear.

"You called," Sadie said still peeved that it'd taken her this long to get back to her.

"What's Dad's news?" Jude asked deliberately not mentioning their mother.

"I can't tell you," Sadie said staring across the table at her Mother who was not even pretending that she wasn't eavesdropping. She'd invited her out to breakfast and since her Mother knew her schedule even better than she did, she had to go. She'd ignored Jude's call the first time around but of course her Mother had to ask who it was and she'd lied and said Kwest. Victoria had made her call him back, it could be an emergency.

"Then why did you even mention it in my voicemail," Jude said rolling her eyes.

"It's his news to tell you," Sadie said quietly. "I never should have mentioned it."

"Well I'll be back in Toronto later today," Jude said shaking her head at her sister's mellow-drama.

"We'll talk later," Sadie said in a tone of voice that dared Jude to argue.

"Okay," Jude said hanging up.

"Let me guess," Tommy said exiting off the highway. "Sadie was upset in the moment but she's not anymore."

"No she's still upset," Jude said putting her phone away. "But she wasn't talking which leads me to believe she couldn't talk at the moment. There is only one reason she wouldn't be able to talk."

"Victoria," Tommy said pulling into the airport parking lot.

"Yep," Jude said climbing out of the truck.

"Well we'll back soon enough and then you can deal with the drama," Tommy said carrying both their duffels.

"If it's Victoria drama I'm not dealing with it," Jude said shaking her head. "I told them I was done and I meant it."

"She's your Mother Jude," Tommy said shaking his head at her. Sadie may be the drama queen in the family but Jude was a close second.

"Yeah by blood," Jude snorted. "Not by choice."

"Doesn't change the fact that she is your Mother," Tommy pointed out.

"I thought you were on my side," Jude said glaring at him.

"I am," Tommy said honestly. "I'm just saying that you can cut her out of your life and ignore her very existence but in the end she's still going to be your Mother."

"I know," Jude said after a moment of silence had gone by. They went through security without talking but as soon as they were outside walking towards Tommy's Dad's plane Jude had to ask. "Doest this mean you aren't mad at me anymore?"

"I was never mad at you," Tommy sighed. "I just don't understand."

"I know you don't," Jude said softly taking his hand in hers. "But sooner or later you will, I promise." Jude didn't let go of his hand as they boarded the plane and walked towards their seats. She was about to let go when she felt him squeeze her hand quickly.

Tommy waited until Jude was looking at him before he said, "Just try and make it sooner rather than later kay?"

"Okay," Jude said as they let go of each other's hand at the same time. She took her seat and watched as Tommy sat down across from her this time. She buckled herself into her chair and as they plane rumbled to life she pulled her journal out of her purse. "Want to help me write a song?"

Tommy stared at her and he had to smile at the earnest look on her face. "Of course," he said buckling his own seat belt. He was still upset that she felt she couldn't show him the song that obviously meant a great deal to her but she was obviously trying to make up for it. Besides, she did say he'd get to hear it soon.

* * *

**I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. It had it's sweet moments between Jude and Tommy but it was mostly a filler chapter I think. I'm trying to finish this story because I'm starting to not feel it anymore. Mainly because the show isn't on and I have no way to stay inspired it seems like. **

**I am also an aspiring author and I am just starting to work on what I hope to be one of many novels. So I am pushing for this story right now. **

**Please tell me what you think and if you think I should just quit now that's fine. Tell me. Thanks.**


	21. Chapter 21

Jude walked off the plane ahead of Tommy and headed towards the waiting limo. She smiled at G Major's main driver and climbed in the backseat. She slid over so Tommy could climb in behind her.

"So are you going to Sadie's or G Major?" Tommy asked as they pulled away from the airport.

"G Major," Jude said without hesitation. Sadie would be mad to find out she'd gone there first but it was most likely where Spied would be hanging out. She'd decided shortly after they'd taken off that the only person she would be comfortable enough sharing her song with was Spied. He would be a good sounding board before she let Tommy hear it.

"It's your funeral," Tommy said smirking at her when she glared at him. He'd been on the end of one of Sadie's tirades before, they weren't pretty.

"She just wants to talk about…you know who," Jude said rolling her eyes.

"I know," Tommy said.

"I can't deal with her now," Jude said crossing her arms over her chest.

"I know," Tommy said knowing without even asking that she was talking about her Mother and not Sadie.

"Can we change the subject?" Jude asked quickly.

"You're the one still talking about it," Tommy pointed out. He chuckled when she smacked him playfully on his arm.

"So do you want to…get together later?" Jude asked slowly. She didn't want to step out of the limo without knowing they would be able to hang out later. But she couldn't come right out and ask him out until she was done with Jake.

"We'll see if Darius let's me leave the studio today after taking off all weekend," Tommy said looking at her from out of the corner of his eyes.

Jude didn't even try to hide the disappointment from her eyes. She knew he was telling the truth. Darius was famous for getting his moneys worth from his artists and producers but especially his producers. And Tommy wasn't even technically an employee at G Major yet. He was still on probation.

"Okay," was all Jude could say as they pulled up in front of G Major. She couldn't' help but think he was still annoyed with her about the whole song drama.

Tommy grabbed onto Jude's hand before she could open the limo door. He pulled her towards him and his lips swooped down and took hers in another kiss that had more passion than any of the others if that was possible. He knew he only had seconds before the driver opened the door and he wanted to use every minute of them. When he pulled back he watched as Jude slowly opened her eyes and he smiled when he saw the fog in them.

"I'll call you," he whispered sitting up quickly as his door opened.

Jude's lips were still tingling from the surprise kiss when they walked into G Major. She looked around but didn't see Spied in the lobby where SME usually hung out while waiting for their studio time. She headed towards the receptionist's desk to ask what studio they were in.

"I have to go meet with Darius," Tommy said walking by her. He lightly touched the back of her hand as he passed and Jude stared at him as he walked away.

"Yeah," Jude said softly. "You do that." It took another minute before she was able to remember what she was doing but soon she was on her way to Studio B where SME was recording their newest single.

"Hey boys," Jude said walking in.

"Hey Jude," Kyle and Wally said together and then laughed because they knew she hated when anybody said that.

"Funny," Jude said smiling at her two favorite cornballs. "I need to talk to Spied."

"So what are we chopped liver?" Wally asked pretending that his feelings were hurt.

"No just not needed for this conversation," Just said smiling sweetly.

"C'mon Wally," Kyle said standing up. 'I know when we're not wanted."

Spied shook his head as his friends left. He knew they didn't really care that they were being kicked out. The song they'd been working on for weeks was still not quite right yet. He would do anything for a fifteen minute break but from the look in Jude's eyes, he wasn't going to get one.

"What's up?" Spied asked patting the stool beside him. "I thought you and Quincy were taking a vacation."

"We are…did," Jude said sitting down beside him. "We just came back today. I uh…need to take care of a few things here."

"And," Spied said when she didn't continue.

"Can you do me a favor?" Jude asked as she dug in her bag beside her.

"Yeah," Spied said taking the CD she held out. "You know I love listening to your songs Jude but weren't you just alone with Quincy working on your album."

"I want your opinion," Jude said seriously. "I need your opinion."

"Okay," Spied said standing up. He walked over to the sound board and put the CD in and hit play. He stood there without looking at Jude listening until the very last note played. He'd been pulled in by the very first line _**we're both looking for something, we've been afraid to find**_and the emotion behind it.

"Well," Jude said when the silence got to be too much.

"You have another hit on your hands," Spied said honestly. He took the CD out and handed it back to her. "But Quincy could have told you that."

"He hasn't heard it yet," Jude admitted putting it back in her bag. "Because once he does…"

"He'll know how much you care about him," Spied said finishing her sentence.

"And I'm still with Jake," Jude added.

"And scared to tell him how you feel," Spied said sitting back down.

"I'm not scared," Jude said but her face flushed as she added, "well it's not all fear." She stood up and paced away. "I'm sure he knows anyways since….well things happened at the cabin but I haven't told him out loud how I feel."

"Well once he hears this song you won't have too," Spied pointed out.

"Yeah," Jude said running her hand through her hair.

"Now what happened at the cabin?" Spied asked smirking when she blushed.

"Nothing," Jude said turning when somebody knocked on the studio door. When she saw Tommy standing there she turned to face Spied wondering how much he'd heard or if he heard anything.

"Darius wants to know if you have a song for Behind The Mic tomorrow," Tommy said all business.

Jude sighed in relief. If he'd heard anything he wouldn't just be standing there asking about a song. He'd at least have a look in his eyes.

"Jude," Tommy said when she didn't say anything.

"Oh I uh," Jude said but she didn't know what song she would perform. She hadn't even thought about it the entire time they'd been gone. "I don't know."

"Okay," Tommy said. "Why don't you do I'm Sorry? It's new and Darius liked it."

"You already played it for him," Jude said surprised. They'd barely been back for ten minutes and he'd already played him the only song they'd technically written and recorded while away.

"He wanted to know what we got done up there," Tommy said glancing at Spied who was just sitting on his stool smiling. Tommy turned to look at Jude who was blushing. He didn't even want to know what they'd been talking about. "How 'bout it?" he asked referring to the song.

Jude stared at him for another moment before looking over at Spied who arched one eyebrow. Choosing the song Tommy wrote did make sense. It was finished and Darius had already approved it. But Jude looked at her bag as she said, "Okay, we'll do I'm Sorry." She watched as Tommy nodded and walked away. She turned back to Spied as she walked over to her bag. "I'm going to need another favor."

"So soon," Spied said but he'd been able to see the wheels in her head turning moments before. He'd been surprised Tommy hadn't noticed how long it took to answer a simple question. He watched as she pulled the CD back out but also a piece of paper from her back pocket. "I take it you aren't performing I'm Sorry tomorrow."

"No," Jude said. "I'm going to perform First Time." She held out the lyrics for him to take and grabbed a guitar as he familiarized himself with the lyrics and chords. "But I need a little back up for some parts. How would you like to perform with me at Behind The Mic tomorrow?"

Spied finished reading through the whole thing and he could see the parts she was talking about. The song was golden and if performed right, there wouldn't be a dry eye in the whole place. "I'd be happy to," Spied said sitting down. He took the guitar she was holding and started playing the opening line.

Jude grabbed another guitar and sat back down. She wasn't sure if it was a good idea to perform a song that obviously spoke of her feelings for Tommy. But he'd played her his song that told her all of his feelings, it was time for her to do the same. The only difference was, she was going to do it in front of thousands of people.

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Karma headed towards Studio B looking for Jude. She'd been working on a new single all weekend trying to come up with something that would show Darius he needed to put her in the studio pronto but she was horrible at writing songs. The whole process of writing lyrics to music took to long. She liked walking into a studio after the song was ready to be recorded.

So that's why she need Jude. She was the only person she knew, besides Spied, who liked creating a song from scratch. She couldn't ask Spied for help since they'd barely said a word to each other since the fight in the studio. Jude was the logical choice, she just wished she wasn't nauseous at the thought of asking her.

She knocked and walked into the studio surprised to see Jude and Spied working together. She'd watched Wally and Kyle leave over twenty minutes ago and she'd just assumed he'd left too.

"I just needed to talk to-" Karma said but Spied interrupted her.

"I'm busy," Spied said before she could finish.

"Well it's a good thing that I wasn't asking for you then isn't it?" Karma said smirking when his face flushed. She always did like bantering with him.

"Does that mean you were asking for me?" Jude asked confused. "Because I'm busy right now too."

"Can I just have five minutes of your time?" Karma asked nicely even though she wanted to stomp her foot and demand that Jude talk to her. She knew that was the spoiled little girl inside of her wanting attention but it had always worked in the past. But seeing the look in Jude's face, she was sure it wouldn't work at this moment.

"Five minutes," Jude agreed and she turned to Spied and made a face as she followed Karma out of the room. She wasn't sure what the Pop Diva could want but she never asked for anybody to talk to her, she always demanded. Plus there was something in her eyes that Jude could relate to. Karma was worried about something.

"I need your help," Karma said but held up a hand when Jude started to say something. "Let me say my thing and then you can answer me…okay?" When Jude just nodded she continued. "I'm a bitch." When Jude just nodded she rolled her eyes and continued. "I never thought of myself as a bitch but it was recently pointed out that that's what I am." Karma turned back around to face Jude. "Now my bitchiness is about to get me kicked off of G Major's label."

Jude opened her mouth in shock but she didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. Karma may get on her nerves but she could at least acknowledge that she had some talent. Plus a huge fan base. She couldn't believe that Darius would kick out of G Major.

"I'm being black listed," Karma went on. "Nobody will work with me because I guess I'm a tyrant in the studio." She started pacing again. "Darius basically said I have to find a producer that's willing to work with me or I'm done."

"And I come in where," Jude said still confused.

"I need help with a song," Karma admitted. "I know what I want to say but putting it to paper isn't going so well."

"Karma I write for an entirely different genre of music," Jude said shaking her head at Karma.

"You are one of the best song writer's I know," Karma continued ignoring what Jude had said.

"So," Jude said. "I don't write for your genre of music. I know nothing about hip hop."

"But I do," Karma pointed out. "I need you to write the words and I'll find a beat. But I can't do it alone."

"How will this help you with finding a producer?" Jude asked a little surprised to find herself actually considering the idea.

"If I can show Darius a single, an amazing single," Karma said smiling for the first time all day.

"He'll find you a producer," Jude said figuring out her brilliant plan. She stared at Karma who was basically pleading her case with her eyes. For the first time since Jude had met Karma she wasn't smirking or acting like her crap didn't stink. She was showing a little vulnerability and she was admitting she needed somebody. Both were firsts for the young artist as far as Jude was concerned. That was why she found herself nodding and agreeing to work with her. "I'll help you."

"Oh thank God," Karma said jumping up and down for a moment before regaining her composure. "I mean, great, thanks."

"Be here at 7 am tomorrow sharp," Jude said walking back towards the studio.

"Whoa whoa, why?" Karma asked trailing behind her.

"First because I am working on my own song right now. Second, tomorrow afternoon I have a performance scheduled. And third, that's what time I said," Jude said listing the reasons on her fingers. "So do you want my help?"

Karma stared at her and she could see that there would be know talking herself into a later start time. She finally nodded and headed out of G Major since she had no more business there. She was still shocked Jude had agreed to help her. She'd thought she'd make her beg and plead a little more, it was what Karma would have done. But maybe Spied was right, Jude was a better person.

* * *

**Wow, another update and it's only been a couple of days. Well I took some of your advice and watched old episodes and just read some other fanfiction and it really helped with this chapter. I don't want to quit the story but it is harder to write now. I wnat you to know that I am doing my best to stay motivated. It helps when I read your reviews. It really does. If you write a story you know how much reading your fans reviews help so please review. Even if you just say "it's good" or "it sucks". **

**I hope you like this chapter I actually had fun writing it. I do like writing Karma and Jude scenes. Except that I am trying something I'm sure nobody saw coming. Jude and Karma may end up friends or at least friendly towards each other by the end of this story. Surprised? Nobody is more surprised than me. But I think the two girls have a lot more in common then they'd both care to admit. So tell me what you think of my idea. **

**Enjoy!**


	22. Chapter 22

Jude walked into G Major the next morning hiding a yawn behind her hand. She'd gone to bed late the night before, mainly because Sadie had stopped by with Rissa and they'd had quite an argument that had kept her up all night. Jude couldn't help but replay the conversation from the night before.

"_She's our mother Jude," Sadie argued crossing her arms over her chest._

"_Isn't it funny how she's only our Mother when it's convenient for her," Jude said cleaning up the kitchen from her dinner which consisted of a bowl of cereal._

"_What is that suppose to mean?" Sadie asked._

"_Where was she when I was 17, hell even 16," Jude said trying to slam the fridge but barely made a sound._

"_She didn't leave until you were 17 Jude," Sadie pointed out._

"_Her body was here but from the moment she found out Dad had cheated she was gone," Jude shot back. She hated arguing with Sadie, especially when she knew neither one of them would ever agree on this subject. _

"_Maybe that's true but can you blame her?" Sadie asked shaking her head at her younger sister. "He broke her heart."_

"_Exactly…He broke her heart," Jude said staring at Sadie. "Not me, but I still got left behind. How do you think that makes me feel?"_

"_Bad," Sadie admitted. "I'm not condoning what she did but I want you to try and understand how she felt back then. You can forgive Dad…why can't you forgive mom?"_

"_Dad made a mistake and he's been making it up to me ever since," Jude pointed out. "What has Victoria done to warrant my forgiveness?" Jude turned away and looked into the living room where Rissa was watching cartoons on her TV. "We're never going to reach a common ground on this issue Sadie. Victoria is our Mother but that doesn't mean I have to deal with her."_

"_She's moving back to Toronto," Sadie said laying her last card down on the table. She'd been holding her trump card close to her chest for the whole conversation but since pleading her Mother's case wasn't amounting to anything. Maybe issuing a challenge. "You're bound to see her, you don't want the media to catch wind of a Mother/Daughter feud."_

"_We don't exactly travel in the same circles," Jude said rolling her eyes. But inside she was in shock. Victoria hadn't been back in Toronto for longer than a week in years. Why was she moving back now?_

"_She wants an apology," Sadie sighed realizing she was getting no where._

"_So do I," Jude said honestly._

Sadie had left after that looking so sad it made Jude feel guilty for all of a moment but then she shrugged it off. It wasn't her fault that Sadie had put herself in the middle. She didn't ask about Victoria and if Victoria asked about her, Sadie should just tell her to ask her herself.

Jude strolled into her favorite studio and set her stuff down as she got ready. She was setting up the board when Tommy poked his head in.

"What are you doing up before nine am?" Tommy asked surprised to see her in so early.

"Working," Jude said not even bothering to hide the yawn this time.

"You aren't due in until after lunch," Tommy said confused. She had a sound check at one and then she was on Behind The Mic at four.

"I'm helping Karma with something," Jude admitted closing her eyes when she heard Tommy snort.

"You're doing what with who," Tommy asked walking farther into the room. It hadn't taken him long to notice that Karma and Jude were not each other's favorite person and they didn't even bother disguising their annoyance with each other.

"She needs help with a song and she came to me," Jude said still surprised that Karma had asked for help from her. Hell had officially froze over or something else apocalyptic had happened somewhere.

"You do realize that you are talking about Karma," Tommy said reaching his hand up to feel her face. "No, no fever, how's your head feeling?"

"Fuzzy from the early morning," Jude said slapping his hand away.

"How are you two going to get along?" Tommy asked curiously

"Famously," Karma said strolling into the studio carrying a cup of coffee in one hand and her purse in another.

"You're late," Jude snapped annoyed when she saw her take a drink from her coffee cup.

"I needed a pick-me-up," Karma said shrugging her shoulders.

Tommy watched as Jude literally stood there glaring at Karma. "Yeah, this is going to go well." Jude watched as Tommy walked out of the room whistling the theme to Jaws. He could really be annoying sometimes.

"So where's the song?" Karma asked looking around like a sheet of paper was magically going to appear.

"What do you mean where's the song?" Jude asked sitting down behind the sound board.

"You said you were going to help me and I need a song so…where's the song?" Karma asked again.

"If you thought I meant I would write a song for you," Jude said shaking her head at Karma's stupidity. "You were mistaken. I will help you by writing a song with you. Now what do you have done so far?"

"I told you nothing, they all suck," Karma said sticking her bottom lip out as she took a seat.

"I'll be the judge of that," Jude said holding out hand. She took the notebook Karma dug out of her purse and started flipping through it. None of the lyrics inside were completed and most of them did indeed suck. "Well you weren't lying at least."

"I told you I can't write lyrics," Karma said rolling her eyes.

"No you can, just not good ones," Jude said smiling when Karma glared at her. She did love bating her. She flipped to the last one and sat up as she started to read. _Bottled up is where my fears go, my fears go._ The rest of the words Karma had didn't flow but that line struck a chord in her. "_I will never show my fear," _Jude sang snapping her fingers for a pen.

"You better not be snapping at me," Karma said crossing her arms over her chest.

"Just get me a damn pen," Jude said without looking up from the piece of paper.

"Fine," Karma said digging in her bag but of course there wasn't one in there so she dug through Jude's bag and handed her one a minute later.

"_They'll tear me up until my tears show,"_ Jude sang flipping the page as she wrote it down.

"_My tears show," _Karma repeated but she was staring at Jude. She was writing furiously in the notebook and she kept mumbling to herself and once in awhile she would sing something. If this is what you looked like when you wrote a song Karma wasn't sure she ever wanted to be able to write songs.

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"Well it's done," Jude said sitting back as Karma walked out of the recording room and back into the studio. It was almost time for Jude to report for her sound check but she was going to go with Karma when she presented it to Darius. "The rough cut is done."

"Thank God," Karma said taking a long drink from the bottle of water one of the interns had brought in earlier. It was warm already but Jude hadn't let her take many breaks. She was a slave driver in the studio. "I need a nap."

"You'll get time for one later," Jude said rolling her eyes. If Karma was tired after one morning of work no wonder it took forever for one of her CD's to be finished. She started cleaning up her mess around the room but she could feel Karma's eyes following her. "What?" she finally asked getting sick of being stared at.

"Why did you help me?" Karma asked softly. "I wasn't going to ask you but I have to know. I've been nothing but a bitch to you from the moment I got here and now you are helping me just because I asked."

"I know how it feels," was all Jude could say.

"What feels?" Karma asked confused.

"Being forced out of the studio," Jude said turning so they were facing each other. "You might have heard the story. I came back from my first tour and Darius had just taken over G Major. Liam his little side kick had told him that I wasn't making them any money. So I was forced out."

"But I am making G Major money," Karma argued.

"Darius hates drama queens Karma," Jude said shaking her head at her. "You pulling the Diva thing pisses him off. G Major made you but it can also destroy you. You need to get along with people if you want to keep rising to the top."

"I'm G Major's biggest pain in the ass," Karma said quietly but Jude heard her. "Somebody told me that I should try and be you. The way you carry yourself and your dignity."

"Who?" Jude asked taking a step closer to her.

"Spied," Karma said his words repeating over and over in her mind. "He really cares about you. He finally chewed me out for how I treated you, been treating you."

"Are we thinking of the same Spiederman?" Jude asked unable to picture her best friend chewing out anybody.

"He pointed a lot of things out to me, most of them I'm not proud of," Karma said standing up. She looked at Jude and for once didn't look like the Diva everybody proclaimed her to be. "I want to say I'm sorry for how I treated you. I just…I went into the Instant Star competition knowing I had big shoes to fill. I wanted to knock you out of the limelight and show Canada that there was a new star in town."

"So you used Spied to get to me," Jude said even though she already knew the whole story. Spied had let it slip during one of their late night gab sessions.

"Tried to," Karma said her face flushing. "Didn't quite work out like I planned but that's how most of my plans turn out."

"You shouldn't have used him Karma," Jude said. "He's a great guy and he had real feelings for you. He cared about you for some reason."

Karma looked away as she muttered, "he wasn't the only one who cared." When Jude started to say something she put a big fake smile on her face and grabbed the CD off the sound board. "I think it's time we present the song to Darius. You know, find out my fate at G Major. Who knows, maybe you'll get lucky and not have to deal with me at all anymore."

Jude watched a somber Karma leave the studio and followed her at a slower pace. She spotted Spied sitting on one of the couches and made a quick detour. She surprised him by giving him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"What was that for?" Spied asked confused.

"For saying all those wonderful things about me," Jude said watching as his eyes shot to Karma who was pretending that she hadn't noticed Spied and Jude were talking. "She told me." She stood up and took a couple steps before turning around. "Maybe you were right three years ago, she's not all bad."

Spied stared at Karma as they both walked into Darius's office and he couldn't help but wonder what the hell those two were doing together. When he'd left Karma in the studio that day he'd thought she would have been even more angry at him and by association Jude. But instead she told Jude their conversation. It didn't make sense.

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"I have a meeting in ten minutes Karma," Darius said looking up but he stood up when he saw Jude standing beside her. "Jude, did you need something?"

"I'm here with Karma," Jude said sitting down. She looked at Karma and she put the CD in Darius's sound system he had in his office and pressed play.

Darius looked between Karma and Jude as the music started playing in his office. He didn't know what to think of the two of them hanging together. He wasn't an idiot, he knew they didn't get along. But as soon as the words started he quit thinking and just listened.

_For someone so young and naive  
Hard to know what to believe  
Still I thought I tried for a while  
Turning round and giving up is not my style  
On my own on my own way _

Bottled up is where my fears go, my fears go  
I will never show my fear  
They'll tear me up until my tears show, my tears show  
Smoke and mirrors

You must try hard, don't give in  
Keep it up and you win  
Don't let them know they get to you  
Put on a brave face and you'll get through  
On your own, on your own way

Bottled up is where your fears go, your fears go  
You will never show your fear  
They'll tear you up until your tears show, your tears show  
Smoke and mirrors

This journey of ours never ends  
We will always pretend  
Fighting not to let them win  
And they're falling into our illusion  
On our own on our own way

Bottled up is where out fears go, our fears go  
We will never show our fear  
They'll tear us up until our tears show, our tears show  
Smoke and mirrors  
Its about smoke and mirrors 

Karma turned it off and took a deep breath as she turned to face her fate. She loved the song. She couldn't believe that Jude had pulled an entire song out of one line from one of her crappy songs.

"You two did this?" Darius asked pointing to the two of them.

"Jude wrote the song," Karma said taking a the seat by Jude.

"Karma came to me and said she needed a song," Jude said leaning back. "My morning was free so I said sure."

"It's a good song," Darius said as he got comfortable in his seat. He couldn't help but be surprised the two of them had stopped fighting long enough to write something that good. "Still needs some work."

"It's the rough draft," Jude pointed out. She knew it needed work. It still needed some back up vocals and they would need to add a couple more musical elements but even without them it was single material.

"You still need to find a producer," Darius said turning so he was looking at Karma.

Karma stared at him and knew that he wasn't going to help her find one. He'd found her the last two she'd worked with and he wasn't willing to use his connections for her to alienate another producer. She took a deep breath and said out loud the idea that had been running through her mind.

"I want Jude to be my producer."

Both Jude and Darius's mouths opened in shock as they stared at Karma. Neither one of them had seen this coming. Darius had expected tears or some other dramatic movement so he'd help her locate a producer who was willing to work with a Diva. Jude hadn't known what to expect. She'd done her part, Karma hadn't said anything about her being the producer.

But nothing surprised Darius or Karma more than when Jude said, "I'll do it."

"What…" Darius said looking at his two best artists. They both were the best without having much in common. "I can't say I saw this coming."

"Neither did I," Karma and Jude said together.

"I'm not going to say no," Darius said the idea wasn't half bad. They both could bring something to the table. "But I'm going to be watching you."

"We didn't doubt it for a moment," Karma said smiling. It hadn't gone exactly the way she'd planned but she wasn't getting kicked out of the studio and she had a producer. She followed Jude out of his office and as soon as the door closed she pounced. "This doesn't mean you're in charge."

"In the studio I am," Jude said smirking as she walked away.

"No you aren't," Karma said following her.

Spied watched as the drama unfolded in front of him. He wasn't exactly sure what had gone on Darius's office but from the sounds of it, Karma had found a producer and Jude had another job besides performing artist. This was sure to get interesting.

* * *

**So another update and I think it's been less than 24 hours...Now I know that is a record. But it's really flowing right now so I'm trying to get it out before it stops. I'm going to Disney World on Sunday and I don't want to leave you guys without a couple updates before then. So look for another one in the next couple days.**

**In the next chapter Jude and Jake talk and you hear her song for Tommy. **

**Please Review!**


	23. Chapter 23

Jude walked off stage from her sound check and headed straight towards Spied. She'd asked him to call Jake so she could get it over with. It was crappy of her to do it in public but she really wanted to get it over with before she sang her new song "First Time". Plus she felt really guilty for having feelings for Tommy while she was technically still with Jake. She could just see her Mother saying 'like father, like daughter'.

"Is he coming?" Jude asked as soon as she reached him.

"Yes he's coming," Spied said rolling his eyes. "But tell me again why I had to call him."

"I had to get to my sound check," Jude said looking away so he couldn't see the lie in her eyes. But when he just continued to stare at her she sighed. "And I didn't want him to read anything in my tone of voice."

"You do realize Jake is a guy right?" Spied asked smiling at her. "We don't really read into much of anything."

"I've never broken up with a guy though," Jude said making a face.

"Ah hello," Spied said pointing to himself.

"We were mutual and you know it," Jude said nudging him with her shoulder.

"Yeah," Spied said holding a hand to his heart as he wiped away a fake tear. "But you were the best girlfriend I ever had."

"Wasn't I pretty much the only girlfriend you ever had?" Jude asked.

"Yeah," Spied admitted. "What can I say…I'm shy?"

"Do you see who you are talking to?" Jude asked sarcastically. "I know you Vincent. I was your first girlfriend and then you…well and Karma."

"Let's not talk about that," Spied said after a moment of silence had gone by.

"Okay," Jude agreed looking around the room to see if Jake had shown up yet. "But I think you should know that she's different." She waited a second to see if he'd ask how she was different but he didn't. "I think she wants to change or more accurately she has to change to stay at G Major."

"Doesn't matter," Spied said wishing Jude would drop it.

"I'm not saying forget what she did but-" Jude went on.

"Drop it Jude," Spied said moving past annoyed to pissed. "Just because you were able to forgive Quincy doesn't mean the rest of us are ready to forgive the people in our past."

"That's not what I'm saying," Jude said watching as he walked away. Once again she'd stuck her nose where it didn't belong and she'd ticked off one of her best friends. Open mouth, insert foot.

"Jude," Portia said walking past her. "Jake's looking for you."

"Thanks Portia," Jude said looking at Spied one last time before leaving to find Jake. It took another five minutes of searching before she found him standing with Jamie in the corner. It didn't look as if he was looking for her.

"Jake," Jude said interrupting their conversation.

"Oh I was just looking for you," Jake said smiling. He leaned down to kiss her but Jude pulled back so he just kissed the air in front of her face. She watched as he dropped the smile slowly and just stared at her.

"We need to talk," Jude said seriously. She walked away knowing he would follow. She headed towards her dressing room wanting to get away from prying eyes. All she needed was a photograph of her dumping Jake on the cover of every tabloid.

"I was surprised to hear Spiederman's voice when I answered my cell this morning," Jake commented shutting the door behind them. "I would have thought you would have told me you were back in town."

"I've been really busy," was all Jude said. She paced over to her mirror and she could see Jake's reflection staring back at her. He didn't look too happy with her and before this conversation was over he'd probably be even more angry. "You remember the conversation we had before I left."

"You mean the one where you claim to know what I'm feeling more than I do," Jake said sarcastically but he took a deep breath to calm himself. "What about it?"

"While I was gone I thought about things," Jude said fibbing a little. Truth was she hadn't thought about him at all. Which actually said a lot. "I know I said that I didn't go away with Tommy because of unresolved feelings."

"Actually you said 'so what if I am'," Jake pointed out.

"I didn't leave with Tommy because I had feelings for him," Jude stated honestly. That much was true. "But while I was with him…there are so many things that I feel for him. I just…I have to see what happens."

"So that's it," Jake said his tone of voice as cold as it could get. "I fly out here to spend time with you, so we could move to the next level."

"Next level," Jude said confused. "Were we ever on a level?"

"I called you my girlfriend," Jake said like she was an idiot.

"While you dated all your costars," Jude said crossing her arms over her chest.

"Jude you know that's just media hype," Jake said shaking his head. "I have never cheated on you."

"I have," Jude said softly.

"You and…and Tom Quincy," Jake said taking a step back. "You slept with him."

"No," Jude said quickly. "But I did kiss him…more than once." Jude started pacing back and forth as she continued trying to explain something she didn't entirely understand herself. "I don't know what Tommy and I have but I do know that it's something…special. It's survived three years of being apart."

"So he just leaves you standing in the middle of a street screaming his name and you just forgive him," Jake said glaring at her.

"How much did Jamie tell you?" Jude asked getting angry.

"Obviously not enough," Jake said stalking towards the door. "I can't believe that you're going to give him another chance even though he's broken your heart three times before."

Jude watched as he slammed the door shut and she sank down into her make-up chair. She hated fighting with people which was funny because she seemed to do it so often. She couldn't get the last thing Jake had said out of her mind. Tommy had broken her heart many times before, what made this time different? She heard somebody knock on her door but didn't even bother answering. She didn't feel like talking to anybody at the moment.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jude could hear Kiera the VJ getting ready to introduce her on Behind The Mic. Her cue was in five minutes but she didn't know how she was going to walk out on the stage. The thought of singing that song onstage in front of Tommy and all her family and friends was making her sick. She hadn't been this nervous since her performance during her rein in the Instant Star contest.

"You don't have to perform First Time," Spied whispered in her ear. He could see how pale she was and didn't know what else to say to make things better. "You rehearsed with I'm Sorry, you can still perform it."

"No," Jude said shaking her head. If she didn't do it now it would feel like she was the one running away from her feelings instead of Tommy. He'd told her how he felt, it was time for her to tell him how she felt. "I can do this."

"Are you sure?" Spied asked concerned for her. "Cause you don't seem like you can."

"Jake just shook me up a little," Jude said starting her breathing exercises that she use to do when she'd first started performing for G Major. She didn't have to use them anymore usually but her heart was racing and she needed to calm down fast.

"Don't listen to whatever he said," Spied said turning her around so she was facing him. "Jake was angry and whatever he said was just his last chance to take a pot shot at you. He's probably never been dumped before."

"True," Jude said smiling for the first time since Jake had left her in her dress room.

"Jude they're ready for you," Tommy said knocking on her door. He smiled at her but they didn't come near her. Instead he walked away and went to stand next to Darius and Portia who were watching offstage.

Jude took a deep breath as she walked towards the stage. She could feel Spied walking behind her and was glad she wouldn't be alone up there at least. Kyle and Wally were ahead of them already behind their instruments onstage. Jude spotted Sadie and Kwest in the audience with Rissa sitting on Kwest's lap. Jude smiled at her Father and Yvette who were standing in the back. It took another moment before she had her guitar on her comfortably and then she stood behind her microphone.

"Hey everybody," Jude said into the microphone. "I know I'm suppose to perform a song called I'm Sorry but once again, I have a new one." She smiled as the crowd chuckled and she placed her guitar on her lap. "I hope you like it…it's called First Time."

_We're both looking for something  
We've been afraid to find  
It's easier to be broken  
It's easier to hide_  
_Looking at you, holding my breath,  
For once in my life, I'm scared to death,  
I'm taking a chance, letting you inside._

Jude looked back at Spied who was smiling. They both blended their voices together for the chorus. Jude looked out into the audience until she found Tommy and she stared into his eyes as she sang.

_Feeling alive all over again,  
As deep as the sky, under my skin  
Like being in love  
For the first time  
Maybe I'm wrong, But I'm feeling right _

_where I belong with you tonight  
Like being in love  
To feel for the first time  
_

_The world that I see inside you  
Waiting to come to life  
Waking me up to dreaming  
Reality in your eyes  
Looking at you, Holding my breath,  
For once in my life, I'm scared to death,  
I'm taking a chance, letting you inside._

Some of the audience started dancing and Jude smiled as Sadie stood up and started dancing with Rissa. This was her favorite part of her job. Performing a song that everybody loved and got into. She had the best fans.

_I'm feeling alive all over again  
As deep as the sky under my skin  
Like being in love, _

_or the first time  
Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm feeling right  
Where I belong with you tonight  
Like being in love _

_to feel for the first time_

"Did you know about this?" Darius asked a smiling Tommy.

"The song switch," Tommy said shaking his head. "No, I didn't."

"It's a good song," Darius said seeing a hit single in the future.

_We're crashing  
Into the unknown  
We're lost in this  
But it feels like home_

Jude looked around the audience until she caught Jake standing in the very back leaning against a wall with Jamie. She didn't know why he'd stuck around. Usually when somebody broke up with you, well, you left. Seeing him while she was singing a song meant for Tommy made her feel slightly uncomfortable.

_I'm feeling alive all over again  
As deep as the sky under my skin  
Like being in love, for the first time  
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right  
Where I belong with you tonight  
_

"_Like being in love to feel for the first time,"_ Jude sang finishing the song. It took a couple minutes as the applause died down before she could start the interview portion of the evening.

"Great song," Kiera the VJ said standing beside Jude. "It seems like you change your song every time you're on the show…why is that?"

"Well I just felt like it was a better time to sing First Time instead of I'm sorry," Jude said smiling into the video camera.

"It sounds like a pretty powerful love song," Kiera said reading off of a cue card. "I bet I know who it's about. How is your relationship with the sexy Jake Ryan going?"

Jude opened her mouth but she didn't know what to say. She couldn't announce on national TV that she'd broken up with Jake, especially with him being in the room. She couldn't do that to him. "Well I don't like to comment on my personal life."

"You don't have to because we have a special guest in the audience," Kiera said making Jude grimace. She watched as Jake strode forward onto the stage giving his fans high fives along the way.

"Since Jude won't comment on our relationship," Jake said wrapping one of his arms around her. "I will. We are doing great and I couldn't be happier with her new song. It's beautiful. Our relationship is obviously a great inspiration for her." He smiled down at Jude who stood there glaring at him. He smirked as he gently gave her a kiss for the camera.

"Aww," Kiera said along with the audience. "You two have been together for years now do you see a set of rings in your future?"

"Well-" Jude said quickly but Jake cut her off.

"We can't give to much away," Jake said squeezing her tightly. "But I couldn't imagine being with anybody else."

"And there you have it. A wonderful new song from the talented Jude Harrison and there may be wedding bells in her future," Kiera said staring into the camera.

Jude stood there in shock. She could have sworn she'd dumped his ass hours ago but still he walked up onstage during one of her interviews and told the damn VJ there were wedding bells in their future? He was a dead man.

* * *

**Hey everybody! I have a feeling a certain person in this chapter might have pissed a few of you off but I have to say I loved writing it. I can just see Jude's face as he said all that stuff. But don't worry...Jude will set him straight. Along with somebody else...I think you know. I won't say it happens perfectly in the next chapter. Jake is going to make a pest out of himself. **

**I hope you liked the song. I think it fits them. **

**Thank you for all the reviews. It's really flowing right now so I'm trying to update as fast as I can and your reviews really help. So keep them coming:)**


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey everybody! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update but I've had a lot of changes in my life within the past couple weeks. I went to Disney World for a week, came home and was fired from my job and kicked out of the place I was living. I've just gotten settled and now accepted another job in New Jersey so I am going to be moving in a week again. So I'm trying to update as much as I can before I am uprooted again. :( But I love this chapter and I hope you like it too.**

"What in the hell was that?" Jude yelled slamming the door behind them. She'd just made her excuses as she drug Jake off the stage and pushed him into her dressing room.

"I can't believe I've been with you for two years and I never knew you liked it rough," Jake said smirking when she pushed him again.

"I asked you a question Jake," Jude said from between clenched teeth.

"I know you didn't want everybody to know yet but I thought it was a good time to announce that we would be announcing an engagement in the future," Jake said shrugging his shoulders. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Are you imbalanced?" Jude asked pacing away as she ran her hand through her hair. "Do you have multiple personalities or are you just plain nuts?"

"None of the above I'm afraid," Jake said walking over to her couch so he could relax. He could tell that the smirk he still wore was pissing her off even more and he loved it.

"Then what were you thinking?" Jude asked confused. She kept wracking her brain trying to find his angle for the whole situation but she couldn't figure it out.

"I don't know what you mean baby doll," Jake said feigning confusion.

"I broke up with you Jake," Jude said point blank. "Not even a couple hours ago, we talked in this room. Surrounded by these same walls. Those flowers were sitting right there and we wearing these same clothes. You can't have forgotten that?"

"You are right about one thing Jude," Jake said standing up. "You did break up with me today. But I didn't break up with you."

"Huh," Jude said even more confused.

"Do you have any idea what would happen to my reputation if it got out that you dumped me?" Jake asked walking right up to her, his face centimeters from her own. "I am America's hottest actor right now. I plan on it being that way for years to come."

"So wouldn't you be even more famous single," Jude pointed out.

"True," Jake said nodding his head. "Which is why I thought of breaking up with you a month ago."

"What?" Jude asked him surprised.

"Yeah," Jake said shaking his head at her. "I had the whole conversation planned but then Jamie called me. Told me about Tommy and how he'd obviously come back to make a play for you." Jake raised his hand to run his fingers down her face but smirked when she stepped away from him. "Now I couldn't let that happen now could I?"

"This whole thing has been a game for you," Jude said shaking her head at her own stupidity of the situation. Tommy had been right, Jake had his own agenda.

"Which I don't plan on losing," Jake said calmly.

"Fine," Jude said throwing her hands up in the air. "I lose, game over. Tell the world you dumped me. I could care less."

"See, that just doesn't work for me," Jake said shaking his head.

"Why not?" Jude asked fuming.

"Just saying I broke up with you won't work," Jake said beginning to pace. "See it would eventually become a whole he said, she said thing and I hate those."

"So you want to break up with me publicly," Jude said glaring at him. She should have seen that one coming. "Fine, lets go out there and you can dump me in front of the audience and my friends and my entire family."

"I'm not ready to break up quite yet," Jake said shaking his head no.

"I'm not going to pretend to be your girlfriend until you deem it time to break up," Jude scoffed. "You are deluding yourself if you think that's going to happen."

"You have to wait until I'm ready to break up Jude," Jake said smirking again. "Remember you already broke up with me, now it's time for me to break up with you."

"This is ridiculous," Jude said covering her face with her hands. Ten minutes ago she'd been standing onstage singing her heart out for….oh shit. Jude turned and looked at the closed door before turning back to Jake. She could see from the look in his eyes he'd been thinking about Tommy the entire time they were in her dressing room. Jude didn't even want to know what Tommy was thinking. He'd just heard Jake confess a lie and then watched Jude drag him away so they could talk privately. If he hadn't left already she'd be shocked.

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Tommy stared at the closed door for the hundredth time since Jude had drug Jake in there minutes before. He still didn't know what was going on. He'd thought Jude was breaking up with him but from the looks of her interview they were still going strong. Tommy looked one last time at the door before turning to leave.

"Don't you dare leave," Spied said from behind him. He glared at Tommy's back and waited until he'd turned back around before continuing. "She deserves better from you."

"Deserves better from me?" Tommy asked confused. Wasn't she the one supposedly almost engaged to Jake Ryan?

"She has made a fool of herself in front of you for years," Spied said shaking his head him. "You can't even wait five minutes for her to finish chewing Jake's ass."

"She's chewing his ass," Tommy said turning to face the door again.

"You can't even think for one minute that she would get engaged to that guy," Spied said rolling his eyes. "Hell even think she'd consider it." Spied walked over so he was standing right beside him. "She hasn't considered being with another guy since she's laid eyes on you Quincy."

"That's not true," Tommy said smiling at the memory that popped into his eyes.

"Okay," Spied said smiling as he remembered Jude telling him about her first reaction to Little Tommy Q. "But it didn't take her 24 hours before she was on the 'I Love Tommy' train."

"More like 10 hours," Tommy said smirking when Spied snorted.

"Jude broke up with Jake earlier today," Spied said after a moment of silence had gone by. He didn't have to look at Tommy to know he had his full attention. "She didn't want to perform First Time still tied to him when the song was about another guy." Spied could see the door opening and he started walking away, saying over his shoulder, "wonder who that guy would be?"

Tommy stared at Jude as she hurried out of her dressing room and looked around visibly sighing in relief when she saw him standing in the same place. He braced himself as she launched herself into his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck laying the biggest kiss on him in front of everybody at Behind the Mic.

"I thought you left," Jude said pulling back long enough to get the words out but kissed him again as soon as the last syllable left her mouth.

"I almost did," Tommy admitted softly.

"The song was for you," Jude said between the short pecks she started giving him.

"I loved it," Tommy said before giving her a deep kiss that left them both feeling breathless and dizzy.

"I love you," Jude whispered staring into his eyes. She watched as he took a deep breath before gently placing his forehead against hers.

"I love you too," Tommy replied wondering how he ever got this lucky.

"I love you more," Jude said making them both smile. She pulled back and realized for the first time that they had an audience. She looked around feeling her face flush and smiled at Darius who was leaning against the back wall, looking pleased for the first time in a while. She saw Jake standing in the door way and she crossed her arms over her chest. "Hey Jake," she said waiting 'til he was looking right at her. "How's that for a public break up?"

Tommy snorted but grabbed Jude's hand in his own and pulled her behind him out of Behind the Mics studio. He waited until they were outside away from prying eyes before kissing her again.

"Okay so that was juvenile but he really pissed me off," Jude said as Tommy led her towards his car in the parking lot.

"That's okay," Tommy said opening the passenger door. "It's nice seeing the old spontaneous Jude again."

"I think she's back for a visit," Jude admitted. She never realized how much of Tommy was wrapped up in the old Jude. He brought out that side of her. Without him it was almost like the spark was gone.

"Jude Harrison!" Victoria yelled from across the parking lot.

"Stealth never was much of her strong suit," Jude muttered looking around making sure they weren't about to be trampled by any fans. But the parking lot was pretty much empty.

"Jude Harrison what do you think you are doing?" Victoria yelled again but this time she was standing right behind Tommy who was still standing in front of Jude.

"I'm catching a ride home with Tommy," Jude said rolling her eyes.

"Do you realize what you just did in there?" Victoria went on ignoring Jude's response.

"Um…sang a killer single," Jude said wincing when Tommy pinched the back of her arm. She knew she was deliberately egging her Mother on but she hated when she acted like she had any right to question her choices.

"You just embarrassed Jake in front of a roomful of people after publicly announcing that you were practically engaged," Victoria said crossing her arms over her chest as she stared disapprovingly at her daughter.

"I didn't announce anything," Jude said still wanting to kick Jake's ass for interrupting her interview.

"How could you do that to him?" Victoria asked shocked at her daughter's behavior.

"Do what to him?" Jude asked taking a step toward her Mom. "Show him that he doesn't have the right to make choices for me. He's been doing that for our entire relationship which never bothered me before. Mainly because I didn't much care about anything…anything at all."

"Stop being dramatic," Victoria said glaring at her.

"I'm not being dramatic," Jude said realizing how tired she suddenly was. She always got this way when dealing with her Mother. "I'm being honest. Jake came at a bad time in my life. I wasn't ready for anything serious and he wasn't either. Whether he admits it or not. I may have embarrassed him in there but he deserved it."

"You broke his heart," Victoria said picturing the dejected look on Jake's face as Jude had left with Tommy, forgetting that he was an actor who was always willing to play for an audience.

"I broke his pride," Jude said turning to face Tommy. She waited while he opened the door and climbed into the seat. "I've gotta go now. We've got plans." She shut the door and waited while Tommy walked around and climbed into the driver's seat. She didn't look at her Mother again as they pulled out of the studio's parking lot. It had been a long couple of days. She just wanted to go home and climb into her bed and sleep…with Tommy.

* * *

**Coming Up:  
-Jude find out about Yvette's pregnancy.  
-Jake plots his revenge.  
-Tragic news hits Kwest and Sadie. **


	25. Chapter 25

**Hey everybody!! I'm back!!!!!!!! So I know it's been awhile but I have to be honest with you I wasn't feeling this story for awhile. I don't know why, maybe it's been the long vacation from the show and now not knowing when we'll get to see season 4...I was uninspired. But I opened the story today and started typing and damn did it flow. I really like this chapter. I am proud of it. I love writing Jommy, it's so easy and it just flows. I hope you all agree and like it, let me know! (a.k.a. review please!) **

"Did I tell you that I love the song," Tommy said holding Jude's hand as she led the way into her apartment. "Because I really loved the song. You do have a way with words Jude."

"I had good inspiration," Jude said smiling at him as she let go of Tommy's hand so she could grab a bottled water out of her fridge. She moved out of the way so Tommy could peer in and grab the only thing left, another bottled water.

"We really need to go shopping," Tommy said shaking his head. He looked around at the bare counters and then looked at the cabinets with a smirk. "I'm willing to bet a hundred bucks that there is no food in your cabinets."

"I'll take that bet," Jude said opening the corner cabinet. "Ta da," she sang as she pointed to three boxes of pop tarts. "I have cherry, blueberry and my favorite apple cinnamon."

"That is not food," Tommy said rolling his eyes.

"It's covers one of the major food groups," Jude said her eyes twinkling. "There made with real fruit."

"Whoever told you that, lied," Tommy said grabbing one of the cherry ones and opening it.

"You mock my food of choice and then think you can eat them," Jude said horrified. "I don't think so." She ripped the packet out of his hands and walked into the living room.

"I'm hungry," Tommy said following her.

"So am I," Jude said opening the cherry pop tarts. She bit into one and smiled sweetly at him. She squealed when he jumped on the couch beside her and grabbed the other pop tart. She waited until they were both situated before she decided to try the whole come home from work and talk about your day thing. She'd never done it before. "So I have a new title at G Major."

"A new title," Tommy said curiously.

"Yeah you are looking at one of G Major's newest producers," Jude said bracing herself for his reaction. He'd either be really excited for her or he'd be skeptical. She was really pulling for his excitement.

"Really," Tommy said turning his head so they were looking at each other. "That's great, I didn't know you were thinking about becoming a producer."

"I wasn't," Jude admitted. "But I helped Karma out this morning and Darius said we did a really good job and Karma asked if I would do it."

"You are going to be Karma's producer," Tommy said sitting up. "Okay, helping her with a song is one thing but producing her whole album?"

"I can do this," Jude said emphatically. "I know I can. Karma and I…I can't believe I'm going to say this but we're alike in some ways. I see myself in her, or who I use to be." She looked at Tommy and shrugged her shoulders. "She's changed…different. I can work with this Karma."

"I'm proud of you," Tommy said as he finished off his pop tart. "That didn't even make a dent in my stomach."

"Oooh, is little Tommy Q. hungry?" Jude asked using her annoying fan voice she loved to tease him with.

"I'll show you what I'm hungry for," Tommy said grabbing her around the waist as he pulled her onto his lap. They stared at each other as they both leaned in, meeting in the middle for another long breath stealing kiss. Neither could get use to being able to just kiss whenever they wanted, it still seemed like they were stealing kisses in private. "This is nice."

"More than nice," Jude whispered laying her head down on his chest. She'd dreamed of this moment, being able to cuddle and know she wouldn't wake up the next morning wondering if she'd just have to forget it ever happened. Jude bit her lip as she admitted to herself she was still worried about the next morning. Tommy was really good at dealing with the here and now but the future, not so much.

She closed her eyes and was trying to let the anxiety of the future go when she heard a rumble coming from his body. "Is that your stomach?" she asked in disbelief as she sat up so she could look at him.

"I told you I'm really hungry," Tommy said rubbing his stomach with one hand. He gave her the puppy dog pout that he'd perfected with lessons from Caro.

Jude rolled her eyes as she climbed off his lap. She made her way to the phone on the side table at the end of the couch and hit one number before holding up to her ear. She walked into the kitchen so she could grab her bottled water as she placed her order with her favorite pizza place, DiAngelo's.

"It'll be here in thirty," she said walking back over to Tommy so she could climb back in his lap. Now that she was able to she was going to take advantage of all the cuddle time she could.

"What'll be here in thirty?" Tommy asked as he wrapped his arms around her again.

"Your pizza," Jude said yawning. She laid her head down on his chest and closed her eyes. She was so tired. It had been a long emotional day.

"You can go to bed," Tommy said rubbing her back through her shirt. "I'll pay for the pizza and clean up before I go."

"You don't have to pay," Jude said covering up another yawn with her hand. "I have a tab and Mickey never makes me pay. He's a fan." She sat up so she could look him in the eye before continuing. "And if you think you're going anywhere you're nuts. All I want to do is crawl into bed with your arms wrapped around me." She laid her head back down and nuzzled in so he could resume smoothing her back.

"Jude…you're Dad," Tommy said softly. He may have been gone for three years but he didn't think Stuart Harrison had changed that much. Jude was still his little girl and he was still almost 10 years older than her. If you added in all the strikes against him for his past mistakes, Stuart probably wanted ten minutes alone with him in a locked room.

"I'm twenty years old Tommy," Jude said softly. "I'll be 21 in a couple weeks."

"Age doesn't matter when it's your daughter," Tommy pointed out.

"Do you not want to stay with me?" Jude finally asked after a long uncomfortable silence passed. She climbed back off his lap and paced away. She was a little afraid to hear his answer.

"Of course I want to stay," Tommy said standing up. He followed her until she was wrapped back up in his arms. "I love you Jude Harrison and I never want to spend another day away from you but…I also want your father to like me."

"He does," Jude insisted but her face flushed showing how bad she was lying. "Okay so we might have to work at getting him to like you. But pissing me off by leaving me alone on our first night as an official couple isn't a good way of showing him how special you are to me."

"Good point," Tommy said nodding his head. He leaned down and kissed her again. He was the first to pull away and he pushed her hair out of her face with both of his hands as he smiled down at her. "Okay, I'm staying." When she smiled triumphantly he rolled his eyes at her. "But you are going to bed and I'll meet you there after I eat." He added quickly when she opened her mouth to say something, "I promise."

Jude stared at him before she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him with as much passion she could muster with barely any energy. She pulled back slowly and tapped his mouth with one of her fingers before turning and walking into her bedroom.

Tommy stared after her and he had to shake his head before walking back over to the couch as he reached for the remote. There was now no doubt in his mind that he'd be joining her after he ate his pizza.

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"I'm coming!" Jude yelled as she stumbled out of bed. She was going to kill whoever was banging on her apartment door at…she squinted as she looked at her clock on her bedside table…7:30 in the morning. She turned back when she heard somebody grumbling and smiled when she saw Tommy pull her pillow over and cover his face with it. At least she'd gotten one of her wishes, she woke up in Tommy's arms…way too early but she was about to chew somebody's ass for that.

"You better have a good reason for being at my door at 7 in the damn morning," Jude said as she flipped the lock so she could open the door. She opened the door and froze when she saw her Mother standing there. "What are you doing here?"

"You didn't think I was done with our conversation last night…did you?" Victoria asked as she pushed around Jude to enter the apartment.

"I know I was," Jude muttered but shut the door. She headed towards the kitchen forgetting that she still didn't have any coffee to make. She whimpered as she looked in the empty refrigerator. She only wished for Sabrina's powers a couple times a year but this was definitely one of those times.

"How could you do that to Jake?" Victoria asked watching as her daughter just stared into the fridge. "He's Jake Ryan Jude. You can't treat people like they are nothing."

"I didn't Victoria," Jude said letting the jab hit home before continuing. "I told him that we were done. He just embarrassed himself by not accepting it."

"This is because of that damn Tom Quincy," Victoria said glaring at her daughter as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"No Mom, it really isn't," Jude said shaking her head as she walked past her Mom into the living room. "I ended things with Jake because I wanted to end things with Jake. If he would just be honest with himself he'd agree that things weren't working out. We barely saw each other and he only used me as arm candy for premieres…which he doesn't need me for anyway since they like you to go with your costar anyway. Like I said last night, I just hurt his pride."

"It's a little convenient with Tom Quincy coming back into your life weeks before you decide to dump America's hottest actor…isn't it?" Victoria asked arching an eyebrow when Jude just stared at her for a moment.

"What do you want me to say?" Jude finally asked. "That I have feelings for Tommy? You heard me last night…I told him I loved him. I'm with Tommy yes but that was my choice, just like breaking up with Jake was my choice. Why do you even care?"

"It looks bad Jude," Victoria said walking towards her. "I just can't handle this right now. I'm trying to move back here so Don and I can start our new life."

"How does this effect your life?" Jude asked confused.

"Don socializes with people associated with G Major and there is going to be talk now," Victoria said like Jude was an idiot for not figuring it out.

"Oh no, not talk," Jude said sarcastically which earned her another glare.

"I know you don't care Jude but I'm sick of having to explain your poor choices," Victoria said pissing Jude off.

"Don't ever try to explain something I've done," Jude said standing up. "Victoria, lets get something straight. You don't know me. You chose to give that up when you left without looking back. I've changed. I'm an adult now and whatever choices I make are my own and I don't need you trying to 'explain' anything."

"I did look back Jude," Victoria started to say.

"When…huh?" Jude asked throwing her hands up. "I never received a phone call or an email. Just that one letter which didn't even give me any peace of mind. I needed you Mom," she said slipping back into calling her Mom as tears gathered behind her eyes.

"I was so angry with Dad…hurt because he'd torn our family apart. But he wouldn't let me give up on him. He made a mistake and it wasn't right. I never condoned what he did but…he was there…he stayed and besides I like Yvette." When Victoria just stared at her without an expression on her face Jude sighed. "She's really nice…and with you gone, I craved grown female attention. She was there for my senior prom, helped me get ready. She cried with Dad at my graduation…took thousands of pictures and made me a scrap book."

"She sounds like a saint," Victoria said through clenched teeth. It was killing her listening to her daughter praise the woman who had torn apart their family. Her kids weren't suppose to like the other woman. Where was their loyalty?

"No but she was there," Jude said softly. "Has been since the moment you left. Even when I told her she wasn't wanted, she stayed."

"Then you must be thrilled that you're going to have a younger sister or brother," Victoria said bitterly. She was so caught up in her own thoughts she didn't see the confusion on Jude's face or the shock that quickly followed. "I didn't come here for this. I just wanted you to think about what you've done. I'll see myself out."

Jude watched as her Mother strode from the room and then she heard the apartment door shut quietly behind her. She reached her hand back slowly before lowering herself slowly to the couch.

"You okay," Tommy asked from the doorway.

Jude turned to look at him and she had to take a moment to appreciate the sight that was Tommy early in the morning with only a pair of jeans on that weren't even fastened. Damn was he gorgeous. She mentally shook her head so she could get her thoughts back on track as she said, "I think I've just been hit by a truck."

"Yeah I kinda heard," Tommy said walking farther into the room.

"How much?" Jude asked leaning forward to put her head in her hands.

"Pretty much everything," Tommy admitted.

"So you heard-" Jude said but Tommy cut her off.

"Your Dad's going to have a baby," Tommy finished.

"Actually," Jude said slowly turning her body so she was facing him. "I was going to say, you heard me basically throw Yvette in my Mother's face with no care at all to her feelings." Jude let some of the tears fall, she wasn't capable of holding them in anymore. "I thought I wanted to hurt her. To cause her pain because she hurt me so much but as soon as I finished praising Yvette I just wanted to take it all back."

"Yvette really was there for you," Tommy pointed out. He hadn't known that her Mom had left the way she had. He wanted to kick his own ass for being just another person in Jude's life to leave her. But he'd come back and now he had the rest of their lives to make it up to her.

"Yeah she was," Jude said but she smiled sadly when she added, "but my Mom was right. I didn't really need her. I was an adult by every sense of the word except age. It was just nice to have someone there…for all those things. It's every girl's dream to have their Mom help them shop for their senior prom."

"Who'd you go with?" Tommy asked straying from the topic at hand. He couldn't help but feel a little jealous thinking about the guy who'd gotten to take her to one of the biggest moments in her high school career.

"Honestly," Jude said her face flushing. "I went stag." When Tommy looked like he didn't believe her she grew defensive. "I wasn't seeing anybody and there wasn't anybody I wanted to see. So I was the third wheel tagging along with Spied and Karma and Jamie and Patsy." She furrowed her brow as she thought about it. "Or I guess the fifth wheel in this case."

"Patsy went to senior prom?" Tommy asked beginning to laugh.

"Who do you think spiked the punch?" Jude said smiling.

"I missed out on a lot," Tommy said softly reaching over with a hand to stroke her cheek.

"You did," Jude agreed.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled as he leaned closer so he could kiss her but groaned as his cell rang. "I have to get that."

"Yeah yeah yeah," Jude said leaning back against the couch. She stared at the black screen of the TV but she couldn't get past the brief flash of pain in her Mother's eyes when she'd been praising Yvette.

"Jude," Tommy said breaking into her thoughts, the tone of his voice making her sit up quickly and look at him curiously.

"Who is it?" she asked standing up and walking towards him.

"Uh…Kwest," Tommy said biting his lip trying to find a way to gently break the bad news he'd just delivered over the phone.

"What's wrong?" Jude asked slowing her steps so she was barely moving. The look in his eyes was scaring her. Nobody said anything remotely close to good when they had that look of trepidation shining in their eyes.

"He…uh…said," Tommy said stalling.

"What did he say Tommy?" Jude asked as she finally reached him. She wanted to lay her head on his chest and tell him to just forget what Kwest had said and suggest going back to bed but before he even opened his mouth she knew that couldn't happen. It was going to be bad.

"Sadie's on her way to the hospital," Tommy said quickly, spitting it out before he lost his nerve. "They think she's losing the baby."


End file.
